Hi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction.
Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2).
Adapted from a collection of nightly...
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November 8
I've been trying to write this journal entry for the last hour, but have been so wrapped up in the United States' presidential election that I can't focus.
Donald Trump is going to be President. It's almost – no, it is – unfathomable. How the fuck could this happen? As if Trump's leadership won't cause enough problems for the country itself, now how the fuck am I going to move to the States? Goddamn it. Just when you thought the US couldn't get any fucking dumber, they go and do this. Shit.
Today was alright. I had such a strange sleep where I kept waking up every 30 minutes in a weird dream-like state. I couldn't believe that I still had so much time left to sleep. I was so energetic. Yesterday and today were the first days in months that I didn't feel the overwhelming urge to crawl under my desk and pass out. That's a good thing, right? Big Bird came in late and didn't talk much during the day, except for when she spilled a bottle of perfume all over our office carpet and almost killed me via asphyxiation. Other than that, today was pretty uneventful.
After work, I walked to the gym in the rain. I was wearing my new leather jacket, which just about killed me. After all, I am a witch. Once at the gym, I quickly got to work with my usual routine. I haven't seen that gym husband of mine around since the one and only time I saw him a couple of months ago. I need to find him! The gym was standard. Nothing to report. Following a sauna and shower, I made my way home.
While schlepping back to the Witch Cave, I stopped off at the grocery store and precioused more items for dinner. That's Gollum code for a five-finger discount, by the way. This is getting a bit too habitual. I mean, I precioused about $20 worth of frozen food tonight. What's worse, is that I then go home and eat a whole fucking pizza to myself. That is not okay! I appreciated Halloween for kicking my ass into shape, but now I feel like I'm falling off the wagon again.
This all goes along with what I was saying before. You know, about blaming different vices for my bad habits. I blamed weed for making me eat more. While it's certainly true that I go overboard with food when I smoke, clearly the pot isn't solely to blame for this recent tomfoolery. I have an underlying problem that I need to fucking fix. It's as simple – yet incredibly complicated – as that.
Speaking of weed, I just realized that it's been two months to the day since I last smoked. I know this, because I think about smoking every single day. I go to the gym after work, daydream about stopping by a dispensary after my workout to get some pot, and then returning to the Witch Cave and getting extremely stoned.
This never ends up happening, for two reasons:
1. I am broke, and don't want to spend a minimum of $40 on weed.
2. Deep down, I know that it's not going to be a good idea.
It would be one thing if it were a quick hit off a pipe and that was it. However, knowing that I would end up with a baggie of weed in my apartment that I'd think about all day would only lead to complete disaster.
I don't want to fall back into old habits. Also, I really don't want to break this awesome clean streak that I've been on. As such, the best way to avoid smoking weed is to simply not buy any. I turned down some from my friend Zack last weekend at the Gladstone, so I know the willpower is there. I just need to remind myself of that, and perhaps extend a bit of it to my eating habits. Fuck. I ate so much tonight.
I watched the election stuff in disbelief for most of this evening. Now, it's 12:30 a.m. and it's just about a given that Donald Trump is going to win. It's basically the apocalypse. Even the Immigration Canada website has crashed, because so many people want to get out of America. Maybe Donald Trump's win will be the change America needs for the rest of its citizens to wake the fuck up and realize what a serious problem they have on their hands. Either that, or – I don't know. I feel like this is just the beginning of something, though. A lot of people are in trouble. That's for sure. Personally, I am exhausted.
