Chasing the Sun

018

By the time we finished eating, our stomachs were already full that we couldn't talk anymore. We spent the remaining of our lunch break just staring at the skies, watching flocks of birds travel from one point to another while lying on the bare cemented floor.

"My mom died due to an accident.", Tawan said as he broke the silence.

"I was four that time, and was playing like any other kids my age. She liked taking pictures of me whatever I do, even the normal things. That day I was just playing ball when suddenly it went out of our gate. Mom hurriedly got out to get the ball back, not knowing that a car was rushing at her direction. Before I knew it, she was already lying on the ground lifeless.", He continued as he looked at the skies, his head resting on his arms. He wore a calm expression on his face as he continued talking.

"I'm not sure about it, but maybe dad blames me for the my mom's passing. From what I can remember, not once did he take care of me when I was growing up. I didn't get to experience any type of father and son bonding as he never showed enthusiasm in me as a child."

Even with the bright ambiance of our surroundings, I felt a heavy feeling listening to Tawan's story. However, I couldn't bring myself to talk. For some reason, I felt like he needed someone to listen rather than talk. He got up and sat, still looking at the skies. I had no view of his face as I was still lying, so I only had a view of his back.

"Jay Fai isn't really my grandmother. She used to be my Mom's nanny, and they were so close she treated Jay Fai as her mom. When she died, Jay Fai was the one who took care of me. That was until I was fifteen and dad decided to marry again, and he fired Jay Fai."

Just then, he took out a smartphone and showed me a picture of a woman carrying a newborn child. It was her mother, wearing the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

"This is the only picture of her that I cherish the most. I was just a little kid when she died, but my mom never failed to tell me how much of a blessing I am to her. And now that she's gone, I don't think I'll ever hear those words again."

And in that moment, the once blue skies painted itself gray and started crying. I stood up and quickly cleaned what was left of our food and ran to the door to get some shade.

"Quick! we might get sick.", I said as I ran towards the exit. When I got there, Tawan was still at his place sitting. The rain as pouring heavily, but it didn't hide the tears that were falling on his cheeks. It was the first time I saw him vulnerable, crying in front of an empty rooftop as the rain soaked through the cotton of his shirt.

Without giving it a better thought, I grabbed a piece of cardboard and ran towards Tawan. I shielded his body from the rain and stopped him from getting soaked. Then, I reached my hand out to him and helped him stand up. He couldn't look at me in the eye but he was still sobbing, so hard that it almost feels like he'll lose breathing if he continues. His hands were shaking from both the coldness and extreme wariness, and he could barely support himself standing.

Before I knew it, I already dropped the cardboard and was wrapping my hands around him. I knew at that time that we were both going to get sick, but it was the least of my worries. His whole body was so tense I felt it the moment I hugged him. He was very anxious, and being this close to him made me hear his cry, breaking my heart into a million pieces.

The boy who acts so coldly and refuses all sorts of interaction with people holds this heavy burden in his chest, and has no one to share it with. He must have been feeling miserable all these years.

I tightened my embrace as we stood in the middle of the rain. There were no words coming from both of us, but we both know what was happening. His chest was touching with mine,  and the silence of the surroundings made our heartbeats sound deafening.

When I sensed that he had calmed down, I slowly pulled out from the hug and looked at his face. His eyes shot a color red from all the crying that he did. I touched his cheeks and turned it towards my face, caressing it with my most genuine intent.

"You may think like no one's ever cared for you when your mom passed away, and that your purpose get more vague with each day that comes, but I want you to know that your existence is a blessing to me.", I said, wiping the warm tears that were flowing down his eyes.

"The world is a cruel place, Tawan. It strips us of the opportunity to achieve happiness, and makes it harder for us to keep on going. But you have to know that there's always a rainbow after each rainfall, and at the rainbow's end awaits a pot of gold for you to enjoy.", I continued as I smiled to him. The rain was still pouring, but it had already become weaker.

Tawan gave me a smile as he held on to my hand. It was the first time I saw him smile like that. It felt so warm amid the rain, like the feeling you get when the sun shines for the first time after a storm. It felt reassuring, like the embrace of someone you love dearly.

As he held my hand and took it off his face, I thought he was going to release it. But he continued holding my hand and looked at me, still wearing his smile. This time, his hand emanated a warm feeling as well. I didn't think of it at first, but that was the first time he held my hand like that.

"Let's go down now, it's almost time to return to class."

Just like that, we exited the rooftop with our fingers still intertwined.