At a young age of eighteen, New was living the life of a teenage boy diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. With his life hanging by a thread, he realized that it was too short to be spent on memories that will only result in melancholy, and so he chose...
"I feel cold", New said as we sat beside each other on the other end of the garden.
I sat closer to him, wrapped my arms around his body, and pulled him into an embrace.
"There. Better?"
"So much."
For a while, nothing but the faint splashing of the water against the rocks could be heard. The sun had completely set, and the night sky grew into existence. The cold breeze brushed against my skin, and I could feel the hair in my body go up with the coolness of the night.
"Thank you, Tawan.", New said out of the blue.
"For what?"
"For everything. You turned my life around, made me feel in love, and loved me. You made my short life a long lasting one in the short time we spent together, and it's a memory I will never, ever forget."
I tightened my embrace on New, tears falling down my cheeks as I waited for the time. Two minutes.
"Don't be silly, we'll still make more memories together. Right?", I said, my voice shaking from the sorrow that I felt.
"I don't know, I'm feeling really tired now.", New replied, his voice even weaker than before. I could feel his warm breath as it traveled on my skin.
"The time we spent on Doi Mae Salong was really something, you know.", He continued.
"Sharing a meal with you, devouring a whole cake, and watching the sunset. It was the perfect date. All the girls would be jealous if they knew I was able to experience that kind of thing with a man like you."
At that point, I could no longer say anything in reply as I was getting too devastated at the situation we were in. Just minutes ago I was excited for the surprise to happen that I was wishing time would go fast, but seeing how things turned out, I was already wishing for the time to stop.
"I'm glad I got to chase the sun before I die, I finally saw what lies on the other end of the sunset.", He said.
"What is it then?"
Just then, a lantern came floating in the night sky. Then another followed, until there were a lot of lanterns floating in the night sky, enough to temporarily light up our surroundings. Then, lanterns came floating from the other end of the river, and in no time, the whole river was filled with glowing lanterns. The sky and the river were both filled with lanterns that glowed ever so bright, and it was my turn to light up my own.
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"They say that if you say a wish before letting it go, it will come true.", I said as I held the lantern high and lit it up.
I wish, for New's suffering to end.
As the lantern flew up in the sky, so did the desires of my heart. If what they say really were true, I wished for the person I love the most's suffering to end, because I couldn't bear to see him hurting any longer. If it was really true, I want it to come to an end.
"It's you, Tawan. It's you who I see on the other end of the sunset, the sun that I've been chasing for so long. Now, the chase is finally over."
He spoke with too much pain in his words that I put my finger on his lips, stopping him from saying any more word that would only hurt the both of us.
"It's really beautiful"
"Just like you, New. So hang on, okay? Let's celebrate the next year's Loy Krathong, please?", I asked, tears streaming continuously on my face as I caressed his cheeks.
New smiled weakly, then rested his head on my shoulders. I felt his chest relax and his breathing slow down the moment he laid his head on my shoulders, and although I couldn't see his face, I could tell that he was losing his consciousness.
"I'm sleepy, Tawan. Can I sleep on your shoulders?"
I held his hand and brushed his head using my right, then put my head on top of him.
"Sure, baby. Sleep now, tomorrow you can cook pancakes for us again."
"I love you, Tawan."
"I love you, New."
It didn't take long for the lanterns to disappear in the night sky, and in a few minutes, the whole place returned to being dark, only nothing but the moon illuminating the surroundings. I lifted my head on top of New's, preparing to go back to the house.
"New? Let's go in now.", I said as I patted his shoulders.
Not a word came out of his mouth.
"New? Honey?", I called, touching his face, but he didn't respond.
My eyes started getting blurry with the tears that were once again forming on the brink of my eyes, but I didn't want to believe that he was gone.
"New! New wake up! You're gonna cook again tomorrow, right? Who's gonna cook breakfast for us?", I said as the tears continued to run down my face, my voice breaking with each word that I mouthed.
The night was cold, but my hands were sweaty as I shook New in an attempt to wake him up, but his eyes remained shut.
He's gone.
I felt my heart shred into a million pieces as I looked at the then lifeless body of New, and my vision was reduced to a little with all of the tears that were streaming down my face.
"You're not gone yet, right? You're just sleeping, right? Please, answer me. Answer me!"
My mind still couldn't process the fact that his breathing had stopped, and no matter how much I tried to keep myself from reacting that way, I couldn't help but act like crazy in front of my boyfriend. It was a heartbreak that stabbed my heart endlessly, and with each stab I lost faith in my own self.
I carried New's body into my back and walked back to the house where his mom stood at the door, crying.
"Ma, he's gone. He's no longer with us, Ma.", I said.
She walked towards me and hugged me, New still arched on my back. She was crying nonstop, but was rather calm as she processed the fact that her son had left us. She walked past me and stopped in front of New, then planted a soft kiss on his cheek.
"Rest well, New. You've fought a good fight, thank you."
