At a young age of eighteen, New was living the life of a teenage boy diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. With his life hanging by a thread, he realized that it was too short to be spent on memories that will only result in melancholy, and so he chose...
The three of us were escorted to another room that was on a different floor from where I stayed. We had to ride an elevator on the way. Throughout the elevator ride, my mom was holding my hand. Strangely, I felt nothing, only the cold hand of my mother registers in my mind. Tawan on the other hand was staring blankly on the buttons, as if his mind was somewhere and not with him.
"You should change first into a different gown before going into the treatment room.", The oncologist told me as the elevator doors swung open.
We were greeted by a dimly lit hall with no other person in position. It was gloomy, and the area seemed a lot less populous than the other parts of the hospital. It was understandable though, because that part of the building was used only for cancer patients.
I was escorted to a small room with a few lockers, which I supposed were the lockers of the other cancer patients who were receiving the same treatment as me.
"This is your designated locker, inside is a gown which you will use for the treatment only. I'll leave you alone so you can change comfortably.", The nurse instructed me.
"Okay, thanks."
I opened the locker and just as what the nurse told, there was a hospital gown that was inside it. I quickly changed into the gown and wasted no time, then went out. My mom and Tawan were sitting on the chairs provided outside the room, conversing about something I couldn't hear.
"Shall we proceed to the treatment room?", The doctor muttered as I went out of the room.
My mom overheard the doctor and was about to stand up to come with us to the room, but the doctor stopped her midway her track.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, but only the patient is allowed to enter the treatment room. The whole area will be exposed to radiation once the machine starts, so the entry of any person other than the patient himself is prohibited."
My mom wore a face that showed disappointment, but we all knew the doctor was right.
"I'll be okay Mom, see you in a bit.", I said as I gave her and Tawan a smile.
Truth be told, I was actually not sure if I was gonna be okay going in there alone. I knew my mom didn't buy my words, but nevertheless I tried my best to lessen her worries.
The room was just beside the changing room, and when it opened, I was greeted by a narrow space with a table and a few monitors. On one of the chairs, a doctor, who I think was an oncologist as well, was sitting and checking on one of the computers.
"Hi, I'm Doctor Shin, the oncologist in charge of your treatment. Shall we get started?", He introduced himself as he gestured his arm towards a door that I didn't know existed before he pointed it.
From the door, A glass window extended from one end of the wall to the other, which as well, I didn't notice even with its long dimension.
The oncologist opened the door and it revealed a room with a big machine place in the center.
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The machine looked like an MRI machine, only that it had no tunnel-like feature where the bed was supposed to enter. It was also humongous in size that the huge room felt claustrophobic even if there were only two people inside.
"Kindly lay on the bed please, the treatment will start in a few minutes.", The doctor instructed as he walked towards the machine and started pressing buttons on its side.
Though reluctant at first, I managed to shrug off the fear and lay on the bed. It was just the right size, if not smaller, and I couldn't manage to make any move as the space was relatively small for me to move around. Over my head, a hand rail can be seen, and the doctor instructed me as well to hold onto it.
"The treatment will last for 30 minutes, 35 tops. You won't be able to see the radiation, let alone feel it, so don't fear. After the treatment, you will be assessed by the other doctor, and then you can go back to your room.", The doctor explained in a clear manner.
I nodded as I tightened my grip on the rail stared into the plain ceiling, waiting for the treatment to begin.
"Carry on!", I heard the doctor say as he went out of the room.
The lights turned off right after the doctor exited, and for a few seconds I was scared that something might have gone wrong. Then, I heard a loud sound come from the machine, a signal that it was coming to life, and my bed moved closer to the bigger part of the equipment.
Violet light was emitted on the sides of the machine, illuminating the room and giving me partial eyesight. The equipment was moving 360 degrees around my body, and though it seemed to emit the radiation, what the doctor said was true and I couldn't feel a single thing.
Is it really working?
My mind was at unease as I thought restlessly of many things. I felt dizzy and weird, and I wasn't sure if it was because of the treatment of something else. I could feel my lips go dry, and it was getting harder to swallow with each turn of the machine.
I lost track of the time as I laid on the bed, and it almost felt like I was resting on a still water, and I was buoyant in the middle of the vast space. I felt numb, and my senses seemed to have been disabled except my sight. It was scary, being inside a dark room all by myself, with a machine going around my body. I didn't know if anything was happening to me, but all I could think of was Tawan and my mom.
Midway my thoughts the machine stopped working, and my bed returned back to its original position.
"Session ended. You may now step out of the radiation room.", A voice from a speaker on the room's corner said.
As the room was heavily exposed in radiation, I had to go out of the room by myself. Though the door was only a meter away from where I was, it felt like a long distance to travel. I lifted myself up and used all of my energy to walk out of the room. Each step was painful--no, each step felt like my energy was getting sucked out of the floor. By the time I got to the door, my energy was already seeped out of my system.
I blacked out before I knew it, and I could see the image of Tawan and my mom running towards me before my eyes shut.
