Chasing the Sun

057

The room remained silent for a few minutes, nothing but the muffled sound of the city could be heard. My mom's hand was still clasped onto mine, and we were both just sitting right next to each other, waiting who between the two of us will talk first.

"You can take your time honey, If you're still not ready, then we can wait for a few days.", My mom broke the silence as she gave me a reassuring smile.

The sun had bid its goodbye and the sky painted a faded shade of purple as little by little, the stars started appearing before my eyes. I could feel the sincerity in my mom's words, but along it came the feeling of worry that she didn't try to hide from me. We both knew what was the best thing to do, and that is to start the treatment immediately. And with nothing to hinder me aside from my internal crisis, I knew I had no reason not to proceed as early as tomorrow.

My fear was growing exponentially as each second ticked, but I knew that if I were to continue letting it get to me, my chances of recovering will continue to reduce until It's no longer possible. My mom was trying her best to keep her composure, careful not to reveal her worries in front of me so she could remain my constant source of courage, and I didn't want to invalidate her effort by letting my fear take over me.

Besides, I had someone who from the very first day never ceased to love me less, and only showed me a lot of reasons why I should cling on to life. I had Tawan, who never failed to make me feel like I'm different from everyone, and made me feel special in ways I didn't even imagine.

If not now, when will I muster up the courage to live for the people who live for me?

"Let's start tomorrow, Mom", I said as my grip on her hand tightened. I could feel my voice get raspy as I muttered the words, and the sides of my eyes were already red from trying hard not to let my tears fall. The two people who I love the most have been trying their very best not to show an ounce of disheartenment, and the last thing they need was a picture of me crying.

"Thank you, New. I promise you I won't leave you until the last minute of your treatment. Tawan and I will always be there to aid you in any way.", My mom said as she pulled me into an embrace. I felt drops of what seemed to be tears on the cloth of my shirt, so I knew that my mom shed tears the moment she hugged me. I tightened my embrace and let my mom rest in my arms a little longer.

Though it seemed like the fight was tailored only for me, I knew she was battling alongside, and she needed rest just as much as I did. And at that time, letting my mom rest on my shoulders was the only form of relief I could offer her.

"Well then, I'm going to the doctor's office to let him know. You should get some rest, I'll pick up some food for us to eat too.", My mom said as she unlocked from the embrace. Her voice was nasal from the crying, but I didn't mind it.

She stood up and tidied herself, fished her wallet from her bag, and headed for the door.

When mom left the room, I felt how desolate the room was. Maybe it was because of the huge space, or the absence of ornaments that my eyes could feast on, but it seemed dull the moment I was left alone. I decided to follow my mom and opted to take a rest, so I laid myself on the bed and tried to get some sleep. I lost track of the time and was clueless as to how many minutes had passed, but I knew I was staring at the ceiling for too long, but I was nowhere close to getting sleepy. Just then, I remembered Tawan.

It's been an hour and a half since he went out, but he still hadn't come back.

I put on my slippers and made my way out of the room. When I opened the door, I was greeted by the bright light that illuminated the hallway. It was blinding as my room wasn't lit as much, so my eyesight had to adjust first before I walked completely out of the place. The hallway was not crowded at all, and in fact was empty. From my room to the other end of the corridor, the nurse's station could be seen. I walked towards the station to search for my mom, as I remembered the doctor saying his office was just beside the station.