Chasing the Sun

054

"Be careful, you might bump your head", Tawan said as he guided my head out of the window and into the roof of their house.

He insisted that we ate on the roof because he didn't want to miss out on the breeze, so we ended up going to his father's room where the windows led to one of the two roofs of the house. It was not as high as I thought it would be, but the bare metal felt icy on my feet so I laid a piece of blanket before sitting, and prepared the food as well. It almost looked like we were really on a picnic on the countryside, only that we were eating delivery food rather than home cooked meals and it's not really a provincial setting.

"I forgot something, I'll be back in a few.", Tawan called out from the room. Though I was confused as to what he forgot when everything else we needed to eat were already there, I figured that maybe he was just going to pee of something.

"Get this for me please", Tawan said from the window a few moments after, his hands outside the pane holding a medium sized transparent box. It had a slightly opaque look so I was not able to see what the contents were from the outside, but I was sure they were not foods.

He stepped out and joined me on the roof soonafter, brjnging with him a couple of bond papers.

"What's the papers for?", I asked as I snacked on a chicken burger.

Rather than answering, he opened the box that I carried and it revealed a set of art materials. From brushes to paints of all hues, there were a lot of supplies placed on the box enough to paint quite a few artworks.

"The last time I opened this was in seventh grade, when art was still a fun thing to do. I hope the paint hasn't dried up yet.", He said as he fished the bottles of poster paint on the box and placed them on the floor.

All the supplies seemed to have been used before, seeing how the bottles had small droplets of pain around it and the brushes were already frizzy at its ends. I was still confused as to why he brought a set of art supplies on the roof, but maybe it was just because he was feeling artsy at that time.

"You wrote in your bucket list that you wanted to paint a beautiful picture, so I figured maybe now's the time for us to do it."

I stopped midway my meal when I heard him say those words. The bucket list I'd written months ago which I had already forgotten about, he still remembers clearly. Not once did it occur to me that it was for me.

"I thought you'd forgotten about it."

"I didn't, and maybe I won't.", He said as he handed me a piece of paper and a brush.

It spoke volumes to me, how being alone with him on the roof that night as we painted a beautiful picture of the scenery became an enchanting moment amid the simplicity of everything.

"My mom and I used to kill time here at the rooftop. Whenever I felt sad or happy, we would come here and she would tuck me in her arms as we gazed through the stars.", Tawan said as he painted something on the paper. He was sitting opposite to me so I couldn't quite make out what he was painting.

I on the other hand, was painting the stars nestled on the night sky from my point of view.

"You must be missing her a lot."

"I do, especially now that I'm sitting here on the roof. The skies looked a little closer, and it somehow makes me feel like it's actually within my grasp. When I think of it, I feel like I'm only inches away from her."

By the time he finished talking, he was already raising the paper to which he painted a picture of a tree. It looked familiar with its branches resembling a plant I'd seen before. The trunk and its branches that extended to the end of the paper were colored white, and its long flowers bloomed on each end. It was a birch tree, the same tree that stood on my hospital room.

"My mom's favorite tree is a birch tree. She said that birch trees mean a new life, a new beginning."

He paused for a while and smiled at me.

"That night, when you told me we should split up and your face was just looking at the wall, I took a glance at the tree from outside. It was a birch tree."

Although there was a lot of food in front of us, most of it remained untouched as we conversed. The fries were already soggy from the exposure to the cold, and the ice from the cola had already melted.

"I remember telling you I didn't believe it when you told me you wanted to end everything, and it's true.", he continued talking. I figured looking at him for too long would stop me from finishing my painting, so I continued stroking through my paper as I listened to him.

"Aside from my love for you being immense that I couldn't just let go of our relationship, that birch tree gave me hope that we'll get through this. That tree that stood outside your window, I took it as a sign that I shouldn't withdraw my feelings for you, and instead hold on so we can move on to the next chapter of our lives."

I was not looking at him as he talked, but I felt every word that he said. We both knew what that birch three symbolized, and we both wanted the same thing--a new beginning.

Suddenly a warm feeling touched my hand, and I saw Tawan move beside me. He held my hand firmly, and amid the cold breeze that lingered across the roof, I felt warm. It was only a my hand that he touched but the entirety of my body felt his warmth, and the feeling of being cold was swept away in an instant.

"I don't know what the future has in store for us, and I don't know how this obstacle that we're facing right now will end.", he said as he held my face and turned it to his direction. He was smiling softly, his lips curved slightly and his eyes glimmering under the moonlight. 

"but I will continue holding on to the birch tree that stood that day, and accept the new beginning that waits for us after all of this is over.", He continued as he planted a kiss on my cheek. 

It was the first time he kissed me on the cheek, and unlike the usual kisses that we did, my heart fluttered during that moment. His lips were moist and soft, and as it hit my cheek, I felt like I've been kissed by the morning sun amid the darkness of the night. I felt twitterpated as the romantic feeling gushed all over me, like an eighteen year-old boy that just got a yes from his admirer. 

Cold fries and burgers lying on the blanket, scattered brushes and paint strewn on the metal roof as the moon gleamed in full beam, nothing but the two of us enjoying the view of Chiang Mai as he kissed me on the cheek, my last day of being a normal boy felt so surreal. As we remained sitting on the roof of his house, I remembered again the birch tree that stood on my room at the hospital.

Could I still anchor my hope on a tree that failed to withstand the strength of the rain? I don't know. But if he believes in the new beginning that awaits the two of us, even with all the hurt that he had gone through, I knew I had to believe in it too.