Chasing the Sun

036

After the argument that we had, Tawan ignored me for the weekend. Countless of texts and called had been made for him to talk to me, but he did not bother answering any of them.

I thought about what he said that day, how he thinks I'm not sure enough about what I felt towards him. At first, it was hard for me to understand where he's coming from. Coming out is something entirely new to the both of us, especially me, since it's only my first time being together with someone let alone a boy just like me. It was already a tough decision to step out, and even revealing it to an audience who sees homosexuality as an object of humor makes it even worse.

However, I thought of that night, where we kissed for the first time. The feelings were so genuine, and everything felt surreal. Contrary to what Tawan told me that friday afternoon, kissing him made me realize the feelings I had for him since the very first time I laid eyes on him on the bus. We got lost in translation as we found ourselves stuck in an issue both of us had no experience in handling, and it's what drove us to being in a complicated position.

Come Monday morning, I initially figured that he would still be ignoring me, and that I would have to take the bus ride to school alone. However, as I passed through the lobby of our building, I saw him sitting on the waiting area, his eyes completely drawn to his phone. He did not seem to notice my presence as he was still on his phone, so I walked towards him and made myself known to him.

"I thought you're still mad at me."

His head leaned towards me as my voice became familiar to him.

"I'm not mad, I'm disappointed. And even if I'm disappointed in you, I won't let you go to school alone."

He grabbed my hand and guided me out of the building, outside his bicycle rests on the wall. He strapped the helmet onto my head and soonafter, we were on the road on the way to school.

I've already become accustomed to keeping my balance when we ride two-wheeled transportations, but I still wrapped my arms around his waist and rested on his broad back as he pedaled his way. It was only two days of having no communication, but his presence had become so immense in my life that the weekend felt like a decade, and holding him like that after being apart for some time made me feel comfortable again.

We stopped in front of the café where we used to go.

"Have you eaten breakfast?", He asked as he took off his helmet and mine.

"Not yet.", I replied as I combed his hair that got messy after he removed his helmet. I already ate breakfast, but I said no because I missed eating together.

We sat on one of the empty tables, made our orders and waited for the food to come. He was looking at me but I couldn't make out the expression in his face.

"I'm sorry about what happened last Friday. My emotions got the best of me and I left you immediately without hearing you out. I didn't even reply to your messages ober the weekend.", He said as he reached for my hand.

"It's fine, Tawan. It's me who should apologize for makimg everything vague about what I feel towards you. I was scared at the discrimination we might receive from stepping out, and it caused me to confuse you with how I really feel."

I held on to his hands and pressed his palm as my finger moved around. His hand was warm, exactly the way they felt the first time I touched it.

"When our lips touched that night, it affirmed my feelings towards you. That moment, I knew I was ready to conquer my cancer and everything the world has to offer, all of it as long as I'm with you. I was taken aback by the reactions of our schoolmates towards homosexuality that I seemed to look like I'm still unsure of what's going on between us, but trust me. There's only one thing I'm confident of in this world--and that's us."

Tawan smiled at my words as he looked at me, this time his eyes filled with admiration and trust. The morning sun gave me a glimpse of his beaming smile, and it instantly wore off all the worries in my heart that I collected over the weekend. Sitting in front of him, I felt safe and free. And I know just by looking that he felt the same too.

"I didn't know you two know each other."

Our moment was interrupted by a voice that seemed familiar to the both of us. I turned to confirm who was talking and just as what I had guessed, it was Aj, standing in front of our table sipping a glass of milkshake in his hand.

I saw Tawan's fist clench and his face shift to a rather mad expression, so I quickly held his hand and gestured him to calm himself down. The tension between them escalated quickly as their eyes met each other, Aj's face looking delighted and perplexed at the sight of Tawan and me in the same table.

"Would you like to go to school with me?", Aj asked in a playful tone, obviously intended to annoy Tawan.

"You should go inside first, I'm gonna eat breakfast with Tawan."

He looked at Tawan, at me, and our hands that were still intertwined. I opted to take my hand away, but Tawan insisted and kept my hand locked on his.

"I didn't know you like boys Tawan. You were so strong and manly back then it didn't hit me that you're a fag.", Aj replied as he smirked.

Tawan, fuming mad at Aj, stood up and kicked the chair where he sat and held Aj on his collar. The tension grew bigger that the people around us already noticed the two. I immediately stopped them from going any further and calmed Tawan down.

"Under normal circumstances you would have punched me immediately. Why, this boy got you all soft now?"

I could feel Tawan's anger as I stood beside him. His fists were already read from being clenched tightly, and his face looked at Aj with so much fury I feared he'd attack him any moment.

"Just leave, Aj. Other people are watching.", I said trying to keep Aj from further pushing Tawan to his limit. Luckily, he followed and went out of the shop. But just before he left, he looked at the two of us and smirked again.

"This is fun, I'm entertained."