Chasing the Sun

EPILOGUE

In the week that passed after his passing, relatives and friends of New came to visit him. Because he was not the type who had a lot of friends growing up, only a few of his friends came to pay respect, and the rest who came were his relatives who flew back to Thailand. 

"You've been taking care of the guests for a long time, you should rest a bit.", New's mom said to me as I prepared food for the visitors.

"I don't feel like resting, Ma. As much as possible, I want to keep myself occupied.", I said as I sighed heavily and stared outside of the house where New's casket stood.

It was decorated with flowers and wreaths, and looked really beautiful. Still, I couldn't bear to take even just a single glance at it. I refused to look at him, I refused to believe that everything was real.

"I see him in everything, Ma. I see him in the kitchen, cooking pancakes that had gone burnt, in the bed watching a horror movie, even outside, sitting on the birch tree. I see him in all things, and my heart breaks with each moment that I'm reminded that he's no longer there, he's gone, and all he is now is a memory."

I couldn't recall how many times I had cried over his demise, but it's the only thing that I could do. Truly, love had made me weak, so weak that all I could do was cry over the loss of someone I loved the most.

"He won't be happy knowing that you're living like this, Tawan. I'm sure he wishes the best for you, and if he's watching from above, he'll be sad knowing that we aren't trying our best to overcome the tragedy of losing him. I am broken beyond words too, but thinking of how much my son sacrificed to prolong his life just to be with us, I can't be shaken by this. I have to be strong because I am still living, and you are too. So be strong for him, will you?"

As much as I didn't want to accept it, New's mom was right. When he was still alive, New loved his life. So much that even in his last breath, he talked about the beauty of everything. And even if he talked so much about how the lanterns were a beautiful sight that night, he was the most beautiful sight to ever exist, and I won't let his beauty become a disheartening memory to me.

"Okay Ma, I will. For him, and for you."

"And for you too.", She said as she wiped the tears from my face and held my hand.

"Come, you should meet the rest of the family."

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A month after New was cremated, I began tidying my life and preparing for the university admissions. I became very busy with school trying to ameliorate my school records and improve my grades. I took all of the exams I missed during the time I was taking care of New, and stayed at school from morning until night. 

New's mom went back to the states to continue working, but we still made sure to connect with each other from time to time through video chat. My father and step-mother were still busy with work, but our relationship had become better and we would often eat together or go out if we had the time. 

Time passed by so quick and before I knew it, I was already wearing a toga and attending my graduation.

"You're not mad at me, are you? I swear I would go back if you really are. I can always cancel my plans for you, son.", My father said on the phone as we talked.

"No, dad I'm not. It's fine, and it's not like it's a really important ceremony. It's just a piece of paper I'm receiving, nothing important."

"What? Of course it's important, it's your graduation!"

"Dad, it's really fine. Wait, I gotta go now, the ceremony's starting."

"Okay, congratulations Tawan, I'm really proud of you. You know that, right?"

"Yes, Dad. Thank you. Now I really have to go, call you later okay? Bye!"

The ceremony ended immediately, but it was immediate for me as I didn't really finish the event, I just ran to get my diploma and went straight home to rest. The next day was the competition for the university scholarship I was applying to, so I figured I needed to clear my mind and be at ease.

When I opened my room, I was greeted by the wall of pictures of New that I took. His smiles were still very bright in the pictures and he looked dashing in each one of them. Not a day passed that I didn't go through his pictures and just admired his existence. From the very first time I laid my eyes on him until the last moment we shared together, New was a blessing that really turned my life around. I promised his mom that I wouldn't cry looking at his pictures, but that day was an exception. 

I unclipped a photo of him on the wall, the very first one I took on the hospital and held it in my chest. My tears streamed quietly on my cheeks as I reminisced the moments we shared, still living vividly in both my heart and mind.

"I graduated today, love. It would have been better with you here, but I hope you're proud of me."

Just then, the doorbell ring and my train of thoughts were stopped. I wiped my tears away and went down to open the door.

"Mr. Tawan Vihokratana? please sign over here.", A delivery man greeted me when I opened the door. He was holding a square box in his hand, wrapped in a white gift wrapper.

After signing the paper, he handed me the box and I went back to my room to open it.

A card was on top of the box and when I opened it, a message was written.

When I opened the box, it was a Fujifilm X-T4, a camera. I felt my heart race as I held it in my hand, and recalled the moment I saw him scrolling through something on his phone.

The reason why he was trying not to show it to me that night was because he was buying a camera for me. It finally made sense as to why New was suddenly curious of my camera, and why he was being secretive with his phone that night. All along, he was preparing a surprise for me in the same time I was planning on conducting the lantern festival. 

Yet again, tears streamed down my face as I held the camera in my hand. He had it planned all along, and the gift was sent to me on the day of my graduation. I couldn't help but cry remembering how much he loved me, so much that even when he was no longer in the same space as me, his love still lingers in ways I didn't know possible.

I walked out of the room and into the balcony, the camera still in my hand. Outside, the sun was preparing to set, painting a breathtaking color of orange and yellow. It was the perfect image to capture for the first time, an imagery New would surely love looking at if he was there standing beside me.

As I lifted the camera right in front of my eye and directed it to the sun, I saw the beauty it held, and what was on the other end of the sunset. New was right about it, as he always was. It was a sight ever so beautiful, and at the end of of the day, there awaits something beautiful only the heart has the power to see.

The Chase is over, and it was a beautiful sight.