At a young age of eighteen, New was living the life of a teenage boy diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. With his life hanging by a thread, he realized that it was too short to be spent on memories that will only result in melancholy, and so he chose...
The food had gone cold as we both remained silent and motionless when I saw Tawan. It didn't really bother me that he was a transferee, but the way he acted right after he revealed it to me made me speechless.
"Care to talk about it?", I told him as I smiled, giving him a look of reassurance to ease his uneasiness. Then, I reached out for his hair and brushed it with my fingers.
"When my mom died, I started getting into a lot of trouble. I'd engage into fistfights, mess around girls in our school, and drank alcohol while still being underage. In short, I started to become rebellious."
He reached for the glass of water beside him and gulped it down in a single drinking.
"I transferred schools as frequent as every year, and our school is the recent one I'm enrolled at now."
"What's the matter then? did you do something at school that will get you kicked out?"
"No...something worse than that.", He replied as he looked at me.
"Tell me, I'm all ears.", I said as I smiled at him again. This time, I decided to move next to him to narrow the space between us. We were sitting on plastic monoblock chairs, so it was easy to make the distance closer. I sat really close to him, our shoulders touching.
"The last school I attended, I had to leave because I got into a fight with some boys."
"and?"
"It was a series of fistfights that arose from countless arguments, until it grew big that everyday is an encounter with them."
"so what's bothering you then?"
"They transferred here.", Tawan said as he looked at me, an aura of uneasiness completely obvious as he talked.
"I met them awhile ago just after finishing the exam. It shouldn't have mattered under normal circumstances as I could hold them off alone, but this time it's different.", He said as he held my hand tightly. His palm was still cold, but he held my hand so tight that his hand turned red.
"How is it different? Are they a whole gang or something?"
"It's a lot different now. Back then, I get into fights because I had no one to protect, and dying was something I badly wished would happen to me. I wasted my time getting into fights to get injuries and possibly receive blows that would end my life, hoping that my suffering would end. But this time, It's very different. It's different because I have you."
I remained silent as I looked at him, his face that was once filled with worries now shifted to a serious glance.
"I never felt the need to live before meeting you, and now that they're here, I'm scared that I'd get in trouble again and put your life at risk. I...I don't want that to happen."
Tawan clenched his fist as he stomped it on the table, causing the people to look at us. The tears that he had been holding for a while started falling, crashing onto the ground breaking into pieces as they hit the asphalt.
"I don't wanna go back to the life I lived before you. I-it was dark...and wretched. Meeting you opened doors for me to see the good in life and actually continue breathing, but now that my past is starting to haunt me, I can't help but feel wary.", He said in between his crying, the words barely audible as he cried. He sounded angry and regretful, and he wouldn't look at me in the eye.
I reached for him and put his head onto my shoulders as I wiped the tears falling from his eyes. It was the second time I saw him in that state, and I couldn't help but feel like bursting into tears as well. However, I figured that he needed someone to lean on rather than me crying beside him, so I tried my best to hold back my tears.
"Remember when we were at the peak of the hill, and you asked me if I wanted to share the weight of the world with you?", I asked as I looked at the night sky. No stars were nestled in it, only the moon that shone very bright.
he remained silent, but was still faintly sobbing.
"The view that time was very captivating that I was at a loss for words. I never got to answer, and maybe that's why you seem so anxious tonight."
I reached for his hand and wrapped it around his.
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"Let me tell you this tonight. I am very much willing to share the weight of the world with you. You're filled with worries now because you think your past might put me at risk, but I wanna tell you that I'm agreeing with you when you said things are different now that you have me."
I caressed his face gently to calm him down, while my other hand continued touching his hand.
"You may feel like you're spoiling my life by associating yourself with me? please don't think that way. When I met you, I already knew that I'll accept you no matter how different you seem to me. And just like what you said, we share each other's weight. Your worries are my worries too, and it pains me seeing you like this."
He removed his head from my shoulder and looked at me. He stopped crying, but his eyes were still tainted red.
"I...i'm scared of ruining your life."
"Don't be. My life's already ruined from getting cancer, how worse can it get?"
"Stop joking about your cancer it makes me uneasy."
"I'm not. Having cancer is the worst possible thing that can happen to someone. And now that I have it, I don't think I'll experience something even worse."
I stood up and extended my hand to Tawan as I wore my brightest smile.
"Let's go now, it's getting late and we still have classes tomorrow."
He grabbed my hand as we walked out of the stall, and parted moments after I bid him goodbye.
As I waved my hand at him, I felt the need to become stronger for the man I adore the most.
