Chasing the Sun

029

"I'm really sorry for asking you to do this, the nanny I hired cancelled all of a sudden, and your unit was just next to me.", Krist, Nana's father said as we ate.

"It's really not a problem sir, Nana was so kind she didn't give us a headache at all."

"That's right, and she's very lovely too.", Tawan said as he looked at Nana, who was still sound asleep.

"She really takes after her mother. Too bad she'll grow up without having such a great woman by her side."

All of a sudden, the table went silent and we all felt heaviness as Krist talked about his wife.

"She was the epitome of simplicity. We never went on fancy dates because she always thought those were just a waste of money. She preferred staying home rather than going out, and she's very warm towards people. Everyone adored her."

The curry had gone cold as neither of us were touching it as we were all feeling morose.

"When she had Nana, she felt the happiest. She dreamt of sending her to the best school in Thailand, sharing her family's recipes to her so she could cook it, and even dreamt of building Nana her own tree house so she could have her own fortress."

Then, brought about by the extreme sadness of remembering his precious memories with his wife, Tears rolled down Krist's face and onto the plate of food in front of him.

"Everything was perfect until she got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Her health deteriorated right before Nana's eyes, and everyday she felt weaker as she battled her sickness. But you can only fight for how long when your immune system is crashing. In just a month, I lost the woman I loved the most."

My eyes were wet from the unreal amount of tears falling from my eyes. Her wife had the same disease as mine, and her demise caused Krist to become wounded for the rest of his life. Hearing him tell his wife's story made me question my view on my cancer. Was I really ready to die? Was I ready to leave the world and leave behind the people I care the most?

I felt something warm cover my quivering hands and saw Tawan holding them under the table as he looked at me smiling. And then I knew the answer to my question.

I wasn't ready to die. Not when there's him who makes me want to continue living.

After a few moments of comforting and talking about Nana, we eventually finished our dinner just in time for Nana to wake up from her slumber. When she saw her dad after opening her eyes, she smiled widely and pulled her father to an embrace. We stood behind them smiling--we didn't talk or share what we felt that moment, but we were both smiling at the sight of Krist embracing Nana.

"Thank you for taking care of me Mommy and Daddy!", Nana said as she bid her farewell to the both of us. We both went awkward as Krist was just there smiling at us.

Krist and Nana headed to their unit, but just as he was about to enter, he told us something that made my heart race once again.

"You two look good together. Maybe you can be a family too."