At a young age of eighteen, New was living the life of a teenage boy diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. With his life hanging by a thread, he realized that it was too short to be spent on memories that will only result in melancholy, and so he chose...
"You know, when you told me we should break up, I was lost for a few moments. Then I realized one thing."
We were sitting at the end of Tawan's bed when he suddenly talked. It's past noon now, and the sun outside had started to paint a bright orange sunlight that passed through the room. We were both looking at the photos that hung on the wall, our arms brushing against each other.
"What did you realize?"
He stood up and extended his arm to me, asking me to take it. I held his hand and we walked outside his room heading towards the balcony where the sun shone directly at us. From where we stood, an overlooking view of the city. At the far end of Chiang Mai were the mountains that looked like they were only inches from touching the sun, and below it was where the busy life pulsated. As I felt the breeze embrace my skin, I felt Tawan's hand locking into mine.
"I realized that I've been chasing you for a long while already, and that maybe, you were right. Maybe I was just keeping the pain for myself."
Then, he looked at me and smiled. It was the same warm smile that he wore whenever he talks to me, the warm smile only I had the luxury of seeing, a treasure nobody else in the world could take away.
"But I love you, so much that I don't want you to feel anymore pain than you are feeling now. I don't know how agonizing it is to have a terminal illness, but I do know that the world has its ways to make our life miserable, and being with you, I thought that maybe I could lessen the burden you carry by making the world seem a little wicked."
His honesty was eminent in each word that came out of his mouth, rendering me speechless.
"Can I ever love you as much as you loved me?", I asked him.
Back then, I thought I loved him more than he loved me. I loved him to an extent that I decided to end our relationship before it could even collapse. But seeing my pictures on the wall, and how tightly he held my hand as we stood at the balcony, I figured that all this time he was the one who gave more. He was the one who loved more, and he never even asked me to love him just as much as he loved me.
"You don't have too, babe. You just have to let me in once again, and allow me to fight the battle you're fighting now. It's all I'll ever ask of you."
Tawan grabbed my head and placed it against his, our foreheads touching against each other. Both of his hands were on each of my ears, and I could feel the warmth of it as he gently brushed my hair.
"You never left my heart, Tawan. It hurt me so much when I told you to leave, but you never did leave my heart. you remained a big part of it, and will continue to be even when my time comes up."
"Let's make our final promise with each other, an oath we'll take with us no matter what the outcome of our fight will be.", Tawan said as he let go of my head and raised his pinky finger.
I raised mine and locked it into his.
"Promise me, that you'll enjoy the remaining of your life with me, and cherish it. Promise me you'll fight until all is well, and you'll allow me to be with you through the journey and never let go of my hand until the last minute. Promise me you'll walk out of the hospital wearing the same smile you wore the first time I laid my eyes on you.", Tawan said as he cried, his finger shaking as he asked me for a favor we both knew had no certainty of coming true. His voice cracked as he talked, but his finger's grip remained in tact. He didn't want to let go.
"Promise me, that you'll continue taking photos with utmost vibrance even when the moon ceases to exist. Promise me you'll live the life you lived the moment we met, even when I'm no longer in the picture. Promise me, that you'll move forward and never look back when I'm gone, moving to the place where the sun sets. And when you finally chase the sun and see what awaits, you'll take the most beautiful picture and send it to me.", I said as my voice cracked. I didn't cry, but I felt my heart breaking as I asked him the favor. He was crying uncontrollably, his face gleaming from the river of tears coming from his eyes.
We were shattered to pieces that moment, completely aware of the fact that my time was nearing. At that moment, neglecting the truth did not matter as we were at our most genuine selves as we stood in his balcony. Above us, the sun was slowly setting and the orange colored skies started painting an image of purple clouds. And as the night crept in and the stars came into existence, the night sky became the witness to two promises that lasted an eternity.
"I promise."
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