Meaning Of A Purr (Sanders Sides - LAMP Fic)

Chapter 33: Right Here

No major warnings for this chapter, few passing comments a out past abuse but that is it I think, tell me if I am wrong. As always take care of yourself and thank you for reading.

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Virgil gnawed his thumb nail as he paced back and forth in front of the bathroom mirror.  He wasn't exactly sure how to describe his emotions and thoughts, there were too many tiny parts and levels to what he was feeling. On the most basic level he was happy, really really happy, but also confused and hurt which inevitably led to a muddled mess of anxiety. He wasn’t sure how to feel after what had happened last night. He was glad he’d perfected pretending to be asleep years ago, he still regretted not saying something to Patton. He’d been so scared Patton would run away he let the opportunity slip through his fingers. He couldn’t help but wonder why Patton had been in Logan’s room in the first place, Patton likely needed something. He just came in, stood there for a couple minutes and left, but at least he got a bit of information from Patton, he’d called Virgil “Kitten” again. Patton didn’t hate him, or at least that was what it looked like. He still couldn’t find any answers as to why Patton was acting the way he was, why he was avoiding him, why he only called Virgil by his affectionate nicknames when he thought Virgil was asleep. He wanted to talk to Patton about it but that was a lot easier said than done. Even more so today since Patton seemed to be in some sort of cleaning frenzy, tidying up and reorganizing absolutely everything despite nothing actually needing to be cleaned. Both Logan and Roman on separate occasions today had attempted to talk to Patton, asking what he was doing and trying to get him to stop but Patton would just laugh, saying he just felt the need to be productive. Needless to say Virgil already knew if they couldn’t talk to him, it’d be impossible for Virgil to talk to him. That didn’t stop his desire to confront Patton and get answers, which is what led him to being in Logan’s bathroom talking to himself. 

“Patton, we need to talk.”

Virgil immediately stopped rehearsing. Those words were way too confrontational. He’d panic if someone said that to him and he didn’t want Patton to panic. He needed to think of something else to say. 

“Patton, I know you were in Logan’s room last night.” 

No, that made him sound too creepy for pretending to be asleep. Then again Patton was the one watching people sleep. 

“Patton, are you okay?”

Well that’s loaded question with an obvious answer that Patton would quite obviously avoid saying, he’s already done that to Roman and Logan.

“Patton, you know I love you-” 

That sounded like there was a “but” coming, he didn’t want to scare Patton like that. Did Patton know he loved him? That could be the reason Patton was avoiding him. Patton used to tell Virgil he loved him every chance he got but Virgil can’t think of a single time he’s said the same thing outloud. Patton might have gotten tired of waiting to hear it and was punishing Virgil. He heard Virgil tell the dark sides that he loved doing things with them, Patton could have taken that seriously and be jealous, or doubt Virgil’s commitment to their relationship. He needed to fix that, he didn’t want Patton to think of him like that. 

Virgil physically slapped the side of his face with his hands, squishing his cheeks as he looked into the mirror. He shouldn’t be assuming the worst but he still needed to talk about that with Patton and make sure he was aware Virgil hadn’t meant anything he said while in the presence of the dark sides, he was just trying to avoid torture or having the light sides hurt. It shouldn’t be so hard to start a conversation, he just needed to pick something that sounded normal and casual, then go with it.  He just needed to find a way to make sure Patton doesn’t run away, but he doesn’t want Patton to feel trapped either. He can’t force him to talk, but he really wanted answers.