Meaning Of A Purr (Sanders Sides - LAMP Fic)

Chapter 49: Scars

Hello again everyone. This chapter contains mentions of Virgil's past and his scars, a little bit of negative thought as well as a bit of a breakdown. I apologize for the angst. Also I just wanted to give a shout out to my friend Incognito_Girl she is super amazing and supportive in helping me with writing this, giving me ideas when I can't figure out the details of a scene, plus she puts up with my constant rambling about ideas and varying motivation to write. Anyways, as always take care of yourselves and thank you for reading!

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Virgil stepped out of the shower, breathing in the heavy, steam filled air. He wiped the water droplets from his skin, keeping his gaze locked on the wall instead of the mirror just a few steps away. Unless he said otherwise or everyone was busy he'd be doing a bit of therapy every day. Logan and the others were already waiting for him downstairs. They told him to take his time and only come down when he was ready. They knew he was taking a shower but he was still worried they'd be concerned about him taking so long but he wanted to make sure he'd be okay first. That's what Logan told him to do, take care of himself first. There was no shame in not being able to handle it. Still, he wanted to go through today, he was worried seeing his scars would make him self conscious but he knew he'd have to face the reflection before he went downstairs. He just wanted a few seconds more. The shower was rather calming and the steam was doing pretty well at keeping him relaxed, overall he felt pretty good. He could do it. None of them were going to judge him for his scars. Logan had seen him completely naked several times and been the one to treat the injuries that no one else would even be seeing today. He was the only one who thought of them as making him ugly. They wouldn't.

Virgil swallowed the growing lump in this throat and let himself take a few deep, counted breaths before dropping his towel to the floor. He slowly turned and locked his eyes on the mirror and took in the reflection on his exposed skin. He'd seen it worse, much worse. He was always going to be rather small boned but he was of a healthy weight, his ribs weren't visible. There was definitely a lean muscle that had built up back when he was still training with Roman. He should discuss working out with Roman more to maintain the descent body shape he had. His pale skin was littered with angry slashes, shapes, and punctures varying in color from the fresher browned color to the older silvery white. Some of the marks still left deep indents while others were puffed out and raised. The newer ones were noticeably thinner than they were when they had first become scars but they were still there and Virgil knew some of them would never completely go away. In the years to come he would still wear those small, almost unnoticeable white lines where the scars had been, just like many of his childhood injuries had already done. From experience, he suspected it would likely take around a year to reach that point with all of his wounds. It wasn't that bad. He didn't like his scars but they could look worse, they could all look like the ones on his butt and feet. He knew they too would shrink in size a bit, but they would always be large and noticeable.

Virgil looked down from the mirror to find his brush, running it through his tangled hair, encouraging it to dry faster. He decided to leave off his makeup this time around which felt a bit weird, but he knew he'd be fine. He took one last long glance in the mirror and let out a slow breath. He was going to be fine. Virgil walked out into his room and changed into his underwear and a pair of shorts, leaving off a shirt. He then slipped his run on around his neck before heading for the door. Out into the hall he was met with the familiar sound of distant voices happily chatting down in the living room. He smiled to himself as he walked towards the stairs and looked down upon the other three. Like him, all of them were only in shorts. Logan looked up the stairs when the floor creaked and a warm but small smile crossed his face.

"Greetings Virgil, we were beginning to wonder if we should go check on you," Logan said, gesturing for him to come down and join them.

Virgil made his way down the stairs, watching the expressions of the other two as they turned to look at him. Roman gave him a small smile before going back to looking through a collection of movies he had laid out across the floor. Patton looked up at him and Virgil didn't miss the flicker of sadness on his features as he gave Virgil a friendly wave.