Meaning Of A Purr (Sanders Sides - LAMP Fic)

Chapter 37: True Warmth

Warning, the following chapter contains manipulation, abuse, injury, implied rape, rape-aftermath, anxiety, panic attacks, and self-deprecation. Didn't originally plan for the chapter to turn out like this but here we go. As always take care of yourself and thank you for reading.

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He'd been floating there for a long time. There was nothing there, nothing but Thomas, the person he had to protect. He was a silent voice reminding him of what dangers to look out for in his life. He was nothing but that small voice. He did not see on his own, think on his own, move on his own, the only things he could feel was his protective love for Thomas.

But then there was more. It was like waking up for the first time. All of the sensations were too much, too painful for him to correctly interpret. He wasn't experiencing life through only Thomas anymore, but he could still sense Thomas's actions, seeing and feeling the same things if he focused hard enough. He was becoming a separate identity, still wavering in about out of his own consciousness. It was loud and silent. Bright and dark. It was confusing, new, scary. He needed to stay close to Thomas and keep him safe.

Then he finally woke up. He could finally open his eyes and see everything, see what he had become. The world around him was shifting around in a mass of fog. Bits of color formed blurry, incomplete images. Hushed whispers of unfiltered thoughts endlessly echoed out, muffled and mostly indecipherable. Below him the path was cold, shimmering and reflective like a mirror. He finally got a good look at himself. He was a person, much smaller than Thomas, younger even, but he still very much looked like Thomas. There were noticeable differences between them beyond just age. Even at the young age he would still place himself as being, he was smaller than Thomas would have been. He was really small, thin, almost malnourished looking. His skin was unhealthily pale, never having seen the light of day. He looked weak, just like he felt. He didn't know why he was here, he didn't even know where "here" was. All he knew was his job was to protect Thomas and a name he could only assume was his.

He looked around again and saw that up the path was a house, it seemed identical to Thomas's but there was something different about it, something bright, welcoming. He didn't know why but it just felt like Thomas himself, if he went in that house he'd be closer to Thomas. He was drawn towards it, before he knew it he was about to walk up the steps onto the front porch. Then he stopped to think. He didn't know who lived in the house. He already felt so weak after forming, he shouldn't trust a stranger in a strange place. He needed to figure out where he was and what he was doing here. He had no idea how to go about doing that. He needed help, but he still didn't want to disturb the people in that house. It was his only option. He cautiously took another step up the stairs.

"Going up to a strange house without knowing who lives there? Brilliant idea, simply genius."

He whirled around to see a man in a short cape and bowler hat approaching him. He relaxed at first when he noticed the resemblance to Thomas, even looking to be Thomas's correct age. However, he stumbled further away when he saw that the left side of his face was covered in scales, a green snake eye on the same side to match.

"Running away from the person trying to help you? What a kind reaction," the man said, rolling his eyes.

He looked up at the snake man. The scaly person spoke weirdly, it was obvious he didn't mean any of it, it was just sarcasm but it rolled off of his tongue so easily it intrigued him.

"I shouldn't talk to strangers," he replied wearily.

He touched his throat in surprise. Even his voice sounded like that of a child, it shouldn't surprise him, but he had expected to sound at least a bit more like Thomas.