Imagine [L.H]

52

(Caution: Possible triggering in this chapter)

LUKE'S POV:

"Luke," I heard Calum sigh, closing the door behind him as he walked into my room.

I stayed where I was; on the floor, legs up to my chest, photo and blade in hand.

"It's been a week now," he said softly. "You need to come out and eat."

I shook my head.

It's been a week since the whole earthquake incident. I feel lost, I am lost.

I'm lost in all the thoughts I've been having.

I've lost count of the times I've cried.

I'm drowning in my own sadness, I can't bare the physical pangs I'm feeling.

"Here," I heard Calum whisper. I tilted my head slightly to look at him, body not having enough energy and feeling limp.

I shook my head as I saw a bowl of hot soup, the warmth of it hitting my skin.

I felt my mouth water at the sight, my stomach ached for food that I didn't want.

"Eat Luke, please."

I looked at the photo in my hand; the photo of Lacey and I sharing a kiss.

Calum sat cross legged beside me, a look of pity spread across his face.

Pity.

I closed my eyes, letting my head tilt back.

I feel empty.

My body is simply empty, no heart, no nothing.

My heart is slowly, quietly shredding apart.

It feels as if my chest is slowly being ripped apart. My heart is beating slowly as tears fill my eyes quickly. It feels as if my heart is being ripped out of my chest, stripping me of the most fractured of my body parts.

"Luke? Luke, can you hear me?"

I opened my eyes to see Calum directly in front of me. My gaze shifted back to the photo in my hand. Calum grabbed at my hand and I flinched back, back hitting the corner of my desk.

"Why?" I heard Calum whisper as he twirled something shiny and metallic in his fingers. He held up what he was holding; the thing keeping my alive, my way of relief.

"Why does everything happen to me?" I asked softly, voice raspy, I haven't talked in days.

Calum frowned, putting a hand on my knee.

Lacey did that when she tried comforting me.

The thought of her gorgeous smile made a hot tear roll down my cheek. "Everything happens to me Calum," I said, voice raising, anger rising up in me.

"Sometimes bad things happen to good people to prepare them for the good that will come in life," Calum shrugged, patting my knee.

"No Cal, you don't understand!" I yelled, getting up from where I was sitting. "My mom hates me, I left because of her! Katy hates the girl that is most important to me! My ex is a crazy psychotic person that is living under the same roof as me! I have no idea where my girlfriend is at. I have no one Calum," I sobbed, finally letting out everything I've kept bottled up.

"You have me and Mikey," Calum smiled sadly.

"I have no one Calum! You guys...you guys don't understand me," I whispered.

Calum sighed, sitting down on my bed and patted it slighty, motioning for me to sit next to him. "Let me see your wrists," he said bluntly.

"I already did it," I scoffed. "There is nothing you can do about it."

"I can prevent it!" Calum yelled, getting up and pulling me towards him.

His hand gripped my wrist and I flinched back in response, feeling his fingers dig into the recent, non-healed cuts.

"You know that we all care about you! Stop thinking of all the negative things, think positive for once," Calum groaned, letting go of my wrist.

"You haven't eaten in days," he said softly.

"I know," I said in a monotone voice.

"Fine whatever," Calum groaned, exiting my room.

I groaned, dropping onto the floor and opened up my drawer to pull out - yet another - sharp, metallic blade.

I sighed, sitting in the same position I had been in a few minutes ago.

I pulled up the sleeve of my shirt - the one I let Lacey wear, it still smelt like her - and examined the red slashes across my arm.

There wasn't a single patch of skin on my arm that wasn't harmed. Everything was just red and blotchy. I brought up the blade to my arm, feeling the coolness of the metal come in contact with my skin. I slid it across my arm and watched as beads of blood slowly poured through the punctured skin.

I winced slightly as it went in deeper, and when I finally couldn't take it anymore I dropped the blade to the floor.

"I'm glad you stopped," I heard someone whisper, I gasped as I saw who stood in front of me.

"You know Luke," Katy began. "You can always deal with this a different way."

I shook my head lightly, watching as she picked up the blade from the floor.

She sat down next to me on the floor.

"This," she said, wiping the blade on her pants to clean it of the red liquid. "Hurts a lot."

"Pain is all I feel now," I sighed, wincing as I pulled the sleeve of my shirt down.

"That's what I don't understand," Katy said, twirling the blade in her hand. "Why inflict more pain on yourself? Why are you harming yourself even more?"

She closed her hand tightly and opened it again, revealing a large cut on the palm of her hand.

What the hell?

"This doesn't feel 'nice' or 'relaxing,'" she whispered.

"K-Katy I-I-"

"You can't tell I'm depressed can you?" She asked suddenly.

I gasped at the sudden blurt, "h-how do you hide it s-so well?"

"I don't," Katy smiled sadly. "I fake a smile to please those around me."

-

I'm crying don't touch me

Hello! So I'm having a 2 week break hell to the yes

I didn't want to go too into detail at the self harm scene because I didn't want to (possibly) trigger any of you

I may double update so heyyy

I'm drinking hot coco, life is good

Um yeah that's all

I love you all so so much

Until next update my sunshines :D

Excuse any mistakes I made (a lot is on my mind at the moment)

~xoxo~

Linda