Imagine [L.H]

70

Dedicated to xx_Monica_xx bc ilysm and Triple update whoop.TO MAKE YOU EVEN MORE CURIOUS I SHALL NOT ADD AN A/N AT THE END ILY GUYS SM AND I ALSO MADE A THING AT THE TOP / SIDE AMD IM CRYING

Dear Luke,

I hate to say goodbye because I'll never actually leave. But I want you to know that these last few months of my painful life were the times I felt most alive. Without you I'd probably be six feet under already and I can't thank you enough for pushing me through the dark hole that is depression.

But depression decided to come bite me in the ass again.

So this is my suicide note.

The most recent trace of my last moments.

I've had this letter saved for a few months now, and that saddens me because I knew this was going to happen. Well that time has come.

The time in which I let go and there is no one to save me from falling asleep forever.

I don't know how exactly I decided to finish myself off. But I hope it wasn't you Lukey who saw me lying motionless.

I'm not even making any sense, I just don't know what to say.

You made me see the good in life, even though all I knew was despair, pain, and hurt. You extended my vocabulary by adding happiness into it. Take care of the boys and Katy. Make sure you give them the world.

You deserve the world Luke, and I'll do whatever it takes to attempt and give that to you. Even though I'm not necessarily alive.

Tell Calum he's a gay whore and tell Michael to fuck himself. But make sure they know I love them more than chocolate pudding.

I'm so proud of you. You're all I've ever wanted to become; a fallen angel that rose from the pits of hell and descended to heaven.

Aren't I poetic as fuck?

I'm nineteen, can you believe that? I met you when I was fourteen. These past few years have felt like a roller coaster....but in a good way.

It sucks that I left at such a young age. I mean, I'm not dead yet but I will be eventually. I hate to be a negative person, sorry.

Luke.

You're capable of beating this world; you've crumpled your depression to mere ashes and you should be proud of that. I'm proud to be able to say that I helped you. If Lee could see me now...

And don't you ever wish to switch places with me because you deserve to feel nothing but pure bliss, not pain.

Death is beautiful. I'm begging you to understand that.

I think I'll list the things I liked most about living with you for those five years:

-How you let me drink in America even though I wasn't twenty one

-How you sometimes let me sleep with you because of nightmares even though I'm not a little kid anymore

-How you bought me a new teddy bear because the one Lee gave me was all torn up

-How you have the biggest heart on the planet

You're probably crying, shit. We can't have that happen can we?

I don't like Lukey Pookey being sad.

Remember when you played your first show and you got so nervous you threw up on the whole front row? That was funny.

I hope you're blushing.

Or that time I was with you at an interview and you farted on my face thinking the cameras were off but they were rolling and we were live. You're gross and an idiot.

Or that time you sang "Yellow Submarine" by The Beatles to me when I was younger because I was a wuss who couldn't sleep because I had a nightmare.

Well maybe that was last week but that's not important.

I'm going to miss you the most, but don't tell Ashton that because he thinks he's my favorite. You are, I promise.

I'm kidding, I love you all equally.

Remember to show your future lover the pictures we took when we traveled the world. I want her (or him) to know me, you may not think this but I was a pretty big part of your life.

On to more serious notes...

I really will miss you Luke. I don't know if I'll go to hell or heaven - whichever is fine, but I hope to see you soon.

I'm going to say this now because I don't know if I'll ever actually say this in real life. I love you Luke. You were like the brother I never had.

You never told me to move on, you stayed throughout the toughest of times and told me that everything was going to be okay. Even though I knew nothing would get better. You stayed and that means the world to me.

You didn't let fame change you, and I admire you for that. You guys are one of the most famous groups, yet you still think of yourselves as these four idiots that can strum guitars and bang drums.

Please punch whoever calls you a boy band. Take care of yourself Lukey, I'll see you soon. I love you with all my heart, I'll miss you. Don't ever forget me.

With Love,

Ellie