Imagine [L.H]

56

LUKE'S POV:

  Katy told me I shouldn't bottle up my feelings, so I'm writing in this stupid thing. She forced me too. Calum and Michael agree with her, maybe it is good for me? I don't know.

So, here I go:

I've felt multiple feelings these past several weeks. I've experienced physical pain sometimes. Ashton explained the whole "Love Mark" thing to me.

I've been in love - something I don't even believe in - and I didn't even know it.

I'm getting off topic, this is supposed to be about feelings and all that crap.

I feel empty, lost, unhappy, broken, unwanted... basically every negative and depressing word you can think of.

I am unfixable.

Yeah, people are trying to help me, but they're only making matters worse. They make me think deeper and darker when they say "think about the situation luke."

"Everything will be okay Luke, I promise."

Nothing is okay, I'm not okay, Lacey's not okay, Katy isn't okay.

Nothing will ever be okay, not anymore.

I've experienced far too much to even be functioning.

I'm surprised I'm even here still....

The dread I have felt is undescribable, it's like it's consumed me. Like I'm it's drug.

I am dreads drug, nothing but a desire to feel faults in my heart.

All I've been feeling are faults in my heart.

Like there's a crevice in my heart.

A hole in my tainted soul is all I can see.

Above and beyond I see no future in me.

My spirit will remain dead as shall my beated heart.

The tainted are the most experienced, is what my ears have been taught.

Is this true? I shall not know for sure.

Jesus Christ.

This is why I don't speak or write my emotions! I get all god damn emotional, fuck.

Screw this.

I ran a hand through my hair, untangling it a bit.

It's been two weeks since I've seen Lacey, I think I'm getting better.

I'm not as emotional as I was last week, I'm three days clean.

I can do this.

Katy taught me some helpful things that will help the urges and wantings a little.

~Flashbacks in italics~

"Think of the person most important to you," Katy said quietly, putting a hand on my knee.

Lacey.

I nodded, telling her I was thinking of the most important person in my life. She's my everything.

"Now," Katy began. "Think about you cutting them."

I opened my eyes, "w-what?"

"Just think about it!"

I shook my head, "I'd never hurt someone I care about on purpose."

"Then why hurt yourself?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Because I don't care about myself," I sighed.

"How can you care about others and not yourself?"

I shrugged, "what is there to care about?" I asked, pointing to myself.

"Everything," Katy whispered, eyes looking deeply into mine.

Feelings are overrated. Life is overwhelming and overrated.

I sighed, watching as my feet dangled over the edge of the cliff I was sitting on.

Jumping wouldn't be so bad, would it?

-

I decided to leave you guys on a CLIFFhanger bc ilyasm

Did you get it?

Cliffhanger

Cliff

I love myself

Haha I'm havING TATE FEELS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IF I DONT UPDATE TOMORROW I DIED FROM TATE FEELS OKAY? OKAY.

I have a little recommendation if you're looking to read a pretty bad ass story

You should check out Love On The Battlefield by my amazing friend ashleigh_13__

ThAT STORY IS P E R F E C T  YOU DOMT EVEN UNDERSTAND ME AIDHAOQJHDJWPAP

Oh i have 2 announcements!

I am doing a collab with anyameade_

Our story is called Confused

Username: sleeplikemichael

ThANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALMOST 100 VIEWS ON THAT WOW!!!

I am happy hehe

Today is a special day: Imagine has been up for 2 full months

I can't believe you guys have gotten me 3K views in one month

Exactly a month ago I was thanking you guys for 200 views, you guys are so so amazing

I love you all so so much

Until next update my sunshines :D

Excuse any mistakes I made

~xoxo~

Linda