The Boy Next Door

forty four

<trigger warning>
AMELIAS POV
Doctor Webber and Bailey admitted me to the psych ward. I don't want to be here, but I have to be. I was hoping they wouldn't notice how much weight I've probably lost. They would though. They're doctors.
"So," Doctor Webber said, "I'm not mad, but, can you get on the scale for me?" I froze and looked at it.
"I know it's bad," I said.
"It's okay if it is, that's what Doctor Bailey and I are here for you and here to help," he said.
"Okay," I said and got up. I stepped on the scale and the number flashed. 94. Shit. I looked at him and he wrote it down.
"It's okay," he said. I could feel tears forming in my eyes.
"Amelia," he said, "you're okay."
"I'm just mad at myself," I sniffled.
"You should meet with a dietician," he suggested.
"Okay," I said quietly.
"You're in good hands I promise," he said.
"Am I going to need a feeding tube?" I asked.
"If you work hard with the dietician then no," he said.
"Okay," I nodded.
"Is there anyone else you want me to call? Or bring your mom in?" She asked.
"You can bring my mom in," I said quietly. He nodded and left. I sat down on the bed and Bailey came back in.
"Do you want to talk to Doctor Turner later today? Or should I get you a different doctor?" She asked.
"Can I have a different doctor?" I asked.
"Do you have a preference on male or female?" She asked.
"No," I said.
"Alright," she said.
"Did you get my test results back?" I asked.
"Yes," she said.
"What am I depressed? Anxiety? Eating disorder? Mental illness?" I said.
"I'll let doctor Wallace talk to you about that okay," I said.
"Okay," I nodded.
"He'll come in around 3 okay honey?" Bailey said.
"Okay," I said softly. I laid back in the bed and the door opened and it was my mom.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey," I said.
"Doctor Webber told me you're meeting with a dietician," she said.
"Yeah," I said, "considering I weigh less than a 12 year old." She frowned and sat down.
"What was the number?" She asked softly.
"94," I said.
"Okay," she said. I could feel tears falling down my face and she got up and hugged me.
"Shh it's okay," She said, "it's okay."
"It's not okay!" I said, "Ryan is dead! I'm dwindling into oblivion! And all I can think about is how good those pills made me feel!" She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her.
"Amelia we will get through this together okay?" She said and kissed my forehead.
"Mhm," I said, my voice trembling.
"Do you want me to call Owen, I'm sure he'd come visit," she said.
"After my therapy meeting," I said.
"Okay," she nodded.
"I think I should stay here for a little while," I said.
"Whatever you want, whatever you need is fine," she said.
"Okay," I said.
"You're gonna be okay," she said and wrapped her arms around me again. The door opened and it was Doctor Bailey.
"We have a room for you upstairs," she said.
"Okay," I nodded. My mom followed me into the elevator upstairs.
"Am I crazy?" I asked, the elevator was empty, just us.
"No," she said.
"I feel crazy," I said. The door opened and it was the psych ward. I hated it here, but I needed to be here. It was so gloomy. I'd rather be on the Peds floor with all the stupid rainbows and bumble bees. I saw Doctor Webber down the hallway and he opened a door.
"I got you a better view this time," he joked, as it was still of the parking lot.
"Thanks," I chuckled.
"No problem kiddo," he said. I looked at the clock and it was almost time to meet with Doctor Wallace. I changed into a hospital gown and kept my phone in one of the drawers in the room. I wasn't exactly sure if I was supposed to give it up but I wasn't going to. My door opened and it was another doctor.
"Are you Doctor Wallace?" I asked. He nodded.
"Doctor Sheldon Wallace," he said.
"Amelia Shepherd," I said and shook his hand.
"We can meet in my office, or here, I don't care," he said.
"We can stay here," I said and sat down on the bed and he sat at the desk chair and pulled out his notebook.
"I'm crazy aren't I, I mean who willingly admits themself to the psychiatric ward?" I said.
"People who want help," he said, "you want help don't you?"
"I saw what this did to my family, my friends, my boyfriend last time, figured I should get the help before it was too late," I said.
"Well I'm glad you reached out," he said, "so, a boyfriend?"
"Who is everyone always so fixated on my love life," I said.
"Amelia it's a standard thing we start with," he said.
"Yes I have a boyfriend, he's the greatest, he really is. I love him so much, he just, he gets me you know? He accepts me," I smiled.
"Does he know you're here?" He asked.
"No. My mom is calling him soon," I said.
"So do you want to talk about what brought you in here?" He asked.
"One of my friends overdosed s few nights ago," I said quietly.
"I'm really sorry to hear that," he said.
"Um, his name was Ryan. He liked me a lot and I didn't want anything to do with him because I have a boyfriend, but before he died, he texted me how much he loved me, and, I can't stop thinking about how if I was awake and read that message, I could have stopped it, the cops think it was suicide," I said.
"I'm really sorry to hear that Amelia," he said.
"I feel guilty," I said.
"What happened was not your fault honey," he said.
"I could have stopped him," I said.
"You couldn't have, he wanted to do what he wanted to do," he said, "you know that deep down, you can't hold yourself responsible for this, it'll drive you insane."
"It already is," I started crying, "I've stopped eating and I can't will myself to start and my family and boyfriend look at me like I'm going to disappear into thin air."
"Well I see Doctor Webber put in a meeting with a dietician, that's good, is that what you want?" He asked. I nodded.
"I was doing really good with my weight, from the first time, you have to believe me," I said.
"I do believe you, and there's no judgement here," he said.
"Do I have an eating disorder? Doctor Bailey said you got my test results," I asked. He sighed and looked at me.
"I'm not going to lie to you Amelia, you're starving yourself, you're borderline anorexic, you suffer from depression and anxiety," he said, and those words hit me like a truck.