Selfless

38

"I'm SICK of this bed." I whined to Colby as he tried to get me to drink some water.

It has now been 3 days since the surgery and I was suffering from severe cabin fever.

The pain was fine because I was on a lot of pain medicine so I was just kinda loopy all the time.

I was also getting a little stronger each day but not enough to really do anything by myself. I felt so dependent on Colby and I felt really bad about it.

"I'm sorry baby..I wish there was something I could do." Colby said as I squeezed the stress ball shakily. I dropped it onto the bed and reached for the call button. "What are you doing?" He asked as I grabbed the ball again. "I'm asking Meghan if I can get out of bed." I mumbled as Meghan came in, "what's up Cor." She asked and I groaned from the pain that was shooting through my arm. "Can I get out of this bed...please." I begged.

She contemplated it as Colby looked at her nervously. I could tell he didn't want me to do that just yet.

"Please Meghan...I'm going insane." I begged and she sighed, "alright. We can walk you around in a wheelchair. You can't try to walk yet." She said and I smiled widely, "thank you! Let's go!" I exclaimed happily as Colby sighed, "baby please take it easy, I know you're excited and on a lot of drugs right now but please be careful." He said as I shakily lifted my hand to grab his, "I'm fine babe, I don't even feel a thing." I said as Meghan started transporting all of the drips I was connected to onto a post with wheels.

"Like I said, you're on a lot of drugs right now. You wouldn't be able to feel if you hurt something I don't think." He said and I rolled my eyes playfully, "I'm fine." I said and Meghan laughed, "let's see how you feel after we cut off your morphine intake....which is probably when you get back from this little adventure." Meghan said and looked at the drip bag, which was almost empty.

"What? Why?" I asked as she checked the clipboard. "Because we can't have you getting addicted to narcotics now can we?" She asked and raised her brows at me.

"Guess not." I said with a sigh. I was barely feeling any pain because of that morphine so having it be taken away was going to be brutal, but I couldn't have it forever so the sooner I got off of it the better I would be.

"I'm gonna go grab a wheelchair, don't even THINK about trying to get out of bed without me being here." She said and pointed at me causing me to laugh, "I think you forget Colby is here and would never let me!" I called as she left the room.

"I'm excited." I said to Colby as he massaged my forearm, "I'm not excited for you to be off that medicine. I hate seeing you in pain." He said and frowned, "I know, I'm nervous. I just feel so numb right now, I don't want to feel the pain again." I sighed as Meghan came back in with the wheelchair.

"I'll help you through the pain, but let's just enjoy the last few hours of your pain free recovery." Colby said and pulled the blankets back. I sat up to try and swing my legs over the bed but nothing was working, "shit." I hissed as Colby frowned at me, "I don't think I can do it." I said and bit my lip.

Colby sighed and leaned down, putting his arm under my legs and around my back. He lifted me with ease and sat me down in the wheelchair. "That works too." I said and smiled at him as he grabbed the pole with my drips on it.

We slowly made our way through the hallways, I was just so happy to not be in the hospital bed that I would smile at every person I saw. "You're the most chipper post brain surgery patient I have ever seen." Meghan said as we went towards the courtyard. "I can't help it, I'm high as hell." I said with a giggle.

Meghan wheeled me out into the courtyard and parked the wheelchair next the bench in the middle of it. I looked up and closed my eyes as the sun warmed my cheeks. "You're making this really hard Cor." Meghan said causing me to frown and look at her, "what do you mean?" I asked as Colby's phone started ringing. "I'll be right back." He said and kissed my cheek before jogging away.

"You're making it hard to take the medicine away, you're just doing so well, I know you're not fully pain free but you're really acting like it." Meghan said with a frown. "Yeah I'm not looking forward to the pain, but I would rather get off of the medication here at the hospital than go home and deal with it there." I said and looked up at the birds.

"We are going to help you through the pain, but I'm serious Cora, it's going to be really bad. Just prepare for it okay?" She asked as Colby came back. "Yeah." I said quietly and looked down, "Sam's on his way here with Mia, did you want him to pick up some food?" Colby asked and rubbed my back as he spoke, "yeah, I don't care what he gets though." I said feeling the impending doom of pain looming over my head.

I was scared again.

I have been pretty positive and happy during this whole recovery process so far but I knew it was about to get 20 times harder. I wasn't pain free right now, I was just too high to notice it.

"Okay, you want icecream too?" He asked and I just bit my lip, "no thanks." I said quietly.

I think he could tell my mood shifted because he just crouched in front of me and cupped my cheeks with his hands, "you're gonna get through this, but we should get you back to bed before that bag is empty." He said and kissed my forehead gently. "Okay." I whispered as Meghan rubbed my back.

"I didn't mean to upset you." She said as we started our journey back to the room. "I know...I guess I'm just getting nervous for it again." I said and looked down at my shaking hands.

"Shit, okay the bag is empty so you have maybe an hour until it wears off. Let's try to pump for Mia and prepare for the pain." She said as she picked up the pace to get back to the room.

Once I was back in the room Colby scooped me up and carefully set me on the bed. I pulled my blanket up and let my fingers run along the soft fabric as Meghan set me up with a regular IV drip.

I spent the next 30 minutes pumping but it wasn't until the 45 minute mark that my head started to ache really bad.

Sam came in with Mia after we were all cleaned up from pumping, "I come with gifts!" He said and held up a bag from In N Out. I smiled and held up a shaky thumbs up, "thanks Sam." I said as he came up and set the bag on the table next to me.

"You're welcome, I think this little one missed you." He said and gestured to Mia who was now in Colby's arms. She was cooing happily and nuzzling into Colby's neck as he smiled widely. I couldn't help but smile at them as Mia turned her head to look at me, she giggled and reached towards me but I frowned, "hi sweet girl, mommy can't hold you, but I love you." I said as Colby came up to me. I brought my shaking hand to her cheek and caressed it for a second before my hand gave out and flopped onto the bed again.

Colby ended up rocking Mia to sleep so that he could help me eat. It felt so weird to say that because he shouldn't have to feed me but my arms are still struggling.

I was about halfway through my meal when the pain hit me like a freight train. "Baby?" Colby asked as my face scrunched up with pain. I couldn't even respond, I just wimpered as he put his hand on my cheek. "It wore off didn't it?" He asked sadly as I just cried out.

Sam came up to my other side, "what's going on?" He asked as Colby held my hand, trying to soothe the ache that was filling my whole body.

"They had to take her off the morphine." Colby said quietly as I brought my shaking hand up to wipe a tear that had fallen.

I was in for a rough time from now on.