I heard faint beeping. I don't know if it could kill me or is saving me, that's what i always assume. When i wake up forgetting what's happened.It happens a lot.
I opened my eyes to see bright lights and the smell of medicines.My head was throbbing and my bones hurt.Around me i saw i was in the infirmary in the avengers facility."Nat thank god you're ok"Clint stated.I just gave him a small smile that was barely noticeable.Then it hit me what happened.Bruce.
"Where is Bruce?"I quickly stated looking around to see him not there.
"We don't know"Clint replied.
"What do you mean you don't know?...is he still the hulk?."I practically shouted.
"No he turned back when he saw he hurt you"He said.
"So where is he?"I questioned.
"I don't know he just left and wanted to be alone"
"So you just let him leave...can i see him?"
Then everyone else walked in seeing that i was alright.
"I think he's in his room". Tony stated
"What do you mean you think?".
"That's where i assume he went".He replied
"I need to go and see him" i said trying to get up forcefully but everyone held me down.
"Nat you nearly just died you need to rest"Steve stated "I'll go and find him"He continued.
"Ok fine"I replied crossing my arms and laying back down.
A few minutes passed and i started to get worried."Where is Steve?"I stated.
That's when he walked back into the room with a sad look...holding a note.
...
I'm sorry Nat, i am but i'm not safe around anyone including you.I'll be away for awhile and i don't know when i'm coming back.Just know i will never stop loving you and i don't want to put your health and everyone's at risk i hope you understand, please don't come looking for me. -Bruce.
I read the note and i wanted to break down i wanted to scream and shout for Bruce to come back but i couldn't.How am i going to live without him.I sighed and looked at the others trying to hide my emotions but it was useless.My eyes welled up and a few tears fell down my cheeks.What am i doing crying over a boy.They were right love is for children.I wiped my eyes and now my face was blank.By the time i had collected my thoughts everyone had read the note and they were trying to read what i was feeling but it was now nothing.Without him i have nothing.
"Ok"I said getting up breaking the silence.
"Nat you need to re-"I cut off Clint saying "Don't push it" whilst throwing him to the side.Everyone then went quiet. Whilst i got up everything hurt and i could feel where my head had been glued together.I headed off to the dome where i last saw him and i saw the blood i assumed had come from me.I sighed walking towards my room to see if he had left anything else in his room.
I walked in and it was empty, it felt so cold and lonely but i liked that feeling.It was like he was never here.How the fuck could they just let him leave like that or maybe he knew it was going to happen.This all seems so strange.
I decided to leave his room be and have a bath to clear my mind.I got in and it felt warm but on the inside i felt empty.I should be feeling some sort of pain and agony that he's gone but i think my mind is just lost.Like i don't believe he would leave like that or would he?I don't know what to believe anymore but i never really did.... or i couldn't.I got up after 5 more minutes as my thoughts were getting me and i needed a real way to numb the feeling.Alcohol.
I got up and dressed; i looked in my wardrobe and there was one of Bruce's hoodies that i don't think was there before.I got it out and put it on, it smelt of him.I also put on some shorts and socks and headed into the kitchen.I wanted to grab as much alcohol as i could; i wasn't planning on leaving my room any time soon.I went into the kitchen and Wanda and Clint where there, i just ignored them and came for my mission even though their eyes were burning in the back of my head.I opened the cupboard where the alcohol is and there was no bottle in site.I just sighed and walked out as i was going to the store to buy some more."Nat where are you going?"Clint asked.I just continued walking.He then came up to me and standing in front of me.
"I'm going to the shops"I stated not looking into his eyes.
"Do you want me to come with you?"He replied.
"No i'm capable on my own"
"Are you?"
I looked straight into his eyes giving him a death stare and he backed away.I continued my way to the car putting on my sliders and walking outside.It was freezing outside and pitch black and i was only wearing shorts and a hoodie but i didn't care.I didn't feel anything.
I drove to the shop and parked at the back of the car park.I got out and i saw everyone who was entering wearing big coats and the people walking out gave me looks as i was wearing shorts but also some people did say my fiery red hair stands out in the dark.I entered and walked straight to the alcohol section, i grabbed 5 big bottles of vodka and noticed some doritos which i grabbed on the way to the till.When i got there i could tell the person there was the human form of a headache and i was not in the mood.
"Hi how are you?"They stated."Having a big party are we?"They replied cheerfully looking at all the alcohol.I just nodded looking at them harshly showing them my fake id and their smile faded seeing my reaction.I paid then grabbed the bags which had everything in it and before they walked away they stated "Have a good night". I just ignored them and muttered under my breath "fuck you" so only i could hear. I made my way out and to my car in relatively in one piece.
I started my car and started drinking; i couldn't give a fuck if i crashed or not.I eventually made my way to the gates of the facility just about; i had already drank 3/4 of the bottle and i wasn't planning on stopping.I should have bought more.My vision was now very blurry but what made me get home safely is my senses, without them i would probably have crashed.
I made my way up to the front door just about and opened it walking in. In my left hand was the almost empty bottle and in my right was the bag, i put the doritos on the top to make it look less suspicious but when i walked in practically everyone was there.I just focused (the bit i had left anyway) and started walking my way to room until i was stopped by Clint saying "Nat are you alright, how much have you drank!?"He exclaimed looking at the large bottle in my hand.
"I-i'm fine"I stated carrying on to my room with my goods.
"No you're not"He replied grabbing my arm.
I looked at him with the deadliest glare and i could tell he was petrified by his facial expression.He let go of me so i continued and walked upstairs into my room locking the door behind me.I walked over to the bed and dived onto it storing my alcohol in my draw and putting the crisps (or if your from America chips which in my opinion ridiculous but that's a whole different story)beside me.
I stared into nothing whilst finishing my alcohol drop by drop and just let the empty bottle drop on the floor.I was hoping the alcohol would help numb the pain but it just made it worse.My thoughts got to me and i started crying, no sobbing. It was bad...probably more than i ever have.It was like all this time i held in my emotions and someone had ripped the bandage right off. I buried my head in my pillow which then eventually got wet, i just didn't care.
Then as suddenly as it first came it went.Anger now flowed through my veins.It was like i had an on and off switch that was damaged and broken and wasn't cared for or that could never be fixed until it's death.
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Thankyou for reading :)
Comment your thoughts!
Sorry this chapter is shorter than usual i will also be posting tonight.
Yasmin<3
