I got up and hid the plan in one of my draws, i had to start training as quickly as possible no matter what state i was in.I merely sprinted down the stairs and walked past everyone straight to the training room, tony and bruce were in the lab per usual and i don't know what the others were doing.
I started punching first on the punching bag, they were hard punches since my hands weren't injured, i tried to take all my anger out and my hands started to ache but i just carried on going, harder and harder.I then started on my feet, i started kicking it this time, unfortunately for me, the cut was on my stronger foot, so i would just have to try harder.I started kicking, it hurt so much, but i have learnt to just block out the pain.
Before i realised i'd hit it so hard, the punching bag split and sand went everywhere, great. I went into the kitchen to get a dustpan and brush and on the way back i saw Steve i walked over to him saying "Steve can you help me train in 5".
"Yeah sure" he said, looking at me concerned in a sense as my wounds hadn't really healed properly but just went along with it.
I walked into the training room and cleared up the sand, i walked over to the bin and then moved the punching bag off to the side, i had done this before countless of times before.
Steve then walked in a t-shirt and joggers and we started training, at first we were just doing some practise things, but i knew i had to prepare by doing a proper fight. We squared up, i have fought Steve a few times before so i knew all his weakness's, he started the first punch which always does with his right hand to my shoulder which i easily dodged, he then went for stomach and i caught his hand and kicked him in the stomach, which made him double over and then i punched him in the face.
I let him get steady and we started again, i took the first punch to his shoulder which he caught and pinned it to my back, this was the perfect opportunity to kick him in the knee so he loosened his grip and i had the adrenaline, to swing my leg around his neck and pin him to the ground and then something inside me snapped, i didn't want to stop, i had him pressed to the ground choking him as he made some punches to my stomach, but i barely felt them as i looked directly into his eyes with a blank face.
I could sense he couldn't escape and that made me happy.I then started to throw punches to his face, i was letting all my anger out, it was like the red room again i was going to kill him, i was about to kill him as his body went weaker. "Nat please stop"Steve then stated searching for air.
"Natasha"Bruce then shouted, i heard his voice and snapped back out of the trance i was in, i looked at Steve as he was there struggling for air with a bloody face, what did i just do. I let go off him quickly and stood up as Steve spluttering for air. I turned around and i saw everyone with terrified looks on their faces.What have i just done i thought to myself.
"I-"I started but i couldn't speak, i was about to kill one of my best friends.I just ran straight out of there and into my room locking the door as tears spilled down my eyes.I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, thinking their right we are both alike me and the red room leader.I punched the mirror as hard as i could.Which i highly regretted afterwards as blood poured from my knuckles.
I got a bandage and wrapped it around, thinking to myself why did i do that, i couldn't talk to anyone again, not yet.I was going to starve in my room for all i cared as i was used to that in the red room as my punishment and i guess i'm still the same as before, so why not.
Bruce then stood outside my room saying "Nat are you alright, it wasn't your fault".Trying to make me feel better.I just forcefully opened my door and merely shouted "THATS THE THING BRUCE EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT, EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED RECENTLY IN THE PAST IS MY FAULT AND THERE'S NO POINT TRYING TO TELL ME OTHERWISE, i should have never dragged anyone into this mess i made and i don't deserve to be around anyone other than myself, so Bruce we're over, i don't have a place in this world".I recited. I could see the pain in his eyes as he could barely speak he looked down saying "Nat your hand-".But i just slammed the door in his face, locking it, and realised what i had just done.
I had pushed anything decent in my life away and i couldn't fix it, i could already feel the river of tears running down my face, i looked at the time it was now 3o'clock and i hadn't eaten anything all day, good i thought to myself.
When i cried it was silent, i couldn't let my guard down to the red room if they could hear me, an hour later i just lay on my bed in silence.Until i heard a knock on the door.
"Nat i brought you some food"Came an anxious Bruce behind the door, i opened my door and looked at a sad Bruce holding some food, he could see my tear stained face.
"I don't deserve any food"I replied back to him and shut the door again.I could tell he lingered at the door for a few more minutes until walking away. The next 5 hours were just staying in my room and going over my plan, i looked at my window and just decided to break it, i couldn't go out any other way, it was very difficult but after a few times it broke, i looked at the time it was now 11o'clock, i got everything together and put my suit on it was time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thankyou for reading :)
Please comment your thoughts!
Yasmin<3
