He leant in.
Every memory. Every moment. Every feeling. I felt t come back like the countless of times I was brainwashed was completely non existent.
It was a passionate and needed kiss however he was quick to separate from me as he looked at me differently, he must have remembered us, when previously it's only the winter soldier who did.
"I'm sorry"He stated.
"It's ok,"I said, both of us trying to process it all. He acknowledged that but then sat back down next to me.
I looked back at him and kissed him back with the same manner.Why did I do that? I thought to myself.
But I know it's the non committal and guilty traits and habits that i can't stay away from, i feel like i'm trapped in this cycle that i can't get out of.
But then took it a step further and kissed me again, placing his cold metal arm under my shirt as he guided me back down.My body shook at the sudden coldness but the room was freezing anyways. It lasted a few more seconds until i had to stop, i can't go back to old habits.Trying to think i'm worthless and doubting one day someone will truly love me.
But they do.And i'm putting it to waste.I don't deserve that.But he deserves it.I sat up and held him in front of me for a second until he stood back up.
"I shouldn't have done that".He said guiltily looking down.
"Mhm"I replied.
"You should've stopped me,"He said.
"I-". I didn't know what to reply until he continued.
"Why didn't you stop me?"
I stood there on the spot, he was right. Why did i miss, no stop him, wait that's right, i missed him....
"I- um missed it"I said, not able to look into his piercing blue eyes.
He stared at me not knowing what to say.But neither did i.
I then came back to reality, I had to speak my mind.
"fuck i'm so stupid i'm sorry, i'm leading you on but i want you to know that i still love you, but in a different way, i moved on from you, i didn't have a choice because i thought i would never see you again, but here you are and now i'm with Bruce and i also love him and i can't lose him. Our relationship was my first one, I was naive, young and scared and at that time you were the right person for me, but i need to forget my past and seeing you it just...."
"....I understand"He replied meaningfully.
I took a deep breath saying "Thank you"I didn't know what else to say.
"I should probably go"He said solemnly edging towards the door.
"James...Bucky, wait"
But before i could say something an explosion occurred right outside our room, someone must have followed us. It then turned into flames.No not again.I need to fight this.I need to overcome the one thing i'm afraid of, something stupid.
My body goes numb from fire and I'm frozen to the spot, my mind can't seem to function to my limbs and Bucky notices this.
"Natasha"He stated, spluttering through the smoke. He remembered and he picked me up and quickly carried me out of the room as everyone panicked outside.They helped me and Bucky out as everyone watched it go up in flames and the blasting noise of the sirens was all I could hear.
He carried me away from the havoc and down the road so he could settle me down.I came to my senses taking a sharp breath, as he watched me with sadness written on his face.
I quickly stood up and hugged him strongly and our breaths relaxed.
"My things"I said now stressed out as I pictured them burning in flames..."my money"I said panicking.
"Don't worry,"He said calmly.
"Don't tell me to worry when now we have nowhere to stay"I replied.
"I called backup,"He said, looking behind me.
"Backup?-"I questioned turning around
My whole body shuddered as I saw all of my friends....my family watching us.
Bruce.
I ran up to him and wrapped him in a tight hug as I felt his warmth take over me.
"I'm sorry"I said nearly in tears.
"It's ok,"He said worriedly.
I brought my lips on his as I held him into a strong passionate kiss.
"I'm sorry for leaving you,"I said hugging him and never wanting to let go.
"I just felt like i had to-"
"I understand, all I care about is your safety right now,"He said, holding me close.
"He saved my life"I said, turning round to him as I saw him and Steve sharing a hug, and he looked over to me.
"What happened?"He said anxiously.
"A lot"I said as I felt the guilt rush through my veins, I felt as though I was going to throw up.
I quickly pulled away from him and ran to the bin a metre away from me and threw up.What is wrong with me.
Bruce was quick to follow me so i turned to face him and as he pushed a piece of loose hair behind my ear, i brought him into another hug and rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
"I missed you so much,"I stated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry i've not posted for awhile i've been busy with school and stuff, i'll try and post as frequent as i can as i've got a week off now.
Thank you for reading :)
Comment your thoughts!
Yasmin<3
