Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

The Reality Of A Situation

Anthony

In times like this it's hard to know who to trust. You read these articles in the news and the next thing you know the next person comes on and says the exact opposite. There's people screaming that this virus can be the end of us all if we're not careful then someone screaming just as loud that this is all just a hoax. But the governor of Illinois just announced that the stay at home order won't end on April 7th like he originally thought and will go until at least May 1st, so obviously things aren't getting better. We get a briefing every day from the president about the state of our nation. The amount of deaths we endure, the thousands of people who contracted this virus and what we are supposed to do to prevent it from spreading. We have people saying the virus is fake, just some world wide paranoia. Then there's people saying that this will change the way we live in this world forever.

Regardless of facts and fictions in this situation, this was something that effected everyone, not just us athletes. Life without sports is weird, there's nothing to distract us for the reality of our situations, life being locked in the apartment is downright awful. Besides seeing Jazz there isn't really anything I look forward to. I wake up every day scared that someone I love will contract this awful virus. I won't be able to see them again because they'll be admitted to the hospital and never come back out. I'm afraid that I won't even be safe in my own home. There's no for sure way to keep myself and my family safe and that's what scares me most.

As I sit there on the couch I decide to shut the tv off for a little while. There's only so much news I can take for a day without feeling queasy. So I jump in the shower and grab some dinner before deciding to go visit Jazz. I wanted to get my mind off of things and I know the best way to do that is be around her. She doesn't leave either so I know her place is safe.

I knock a few times and she answers the door.

"Good evening Anthony" she says as she opens the door almost immediately after I knocked.

"How did you know it was me" I question.

"Because no one else would come visit me during a pandemic when I'm hundreds of miles away from home" she laughs. She had a point.

"I'm not here to steal your food, this time" I smirk.

"Then what brings you by" she wonders.

"My thoughts were being consumed by numbers and possible outcomes of this pandemic and I needed to get my mind off things" I sigh.

"I live in the same reality as you" she reminds me.

"I know" I nod, "but you make reality a little bit... better" I try.

"I do" she smirks.

"You do" I admit.

"Well I hate to tell you this but my reality always seems to come back to bite me in the ass one way or another. This is no different.

When you've seen what I've seen, when you've been told the truths I've been told, when you've been told the lies I've been told, reality kind of fades into oblivion. What's true, what's not, it's all a bunch of horse shit in the end. What matters is results and not the way you get them no matter what's wrong or right.

As bad as it sounds, this virus is even worse than we know. It's been around for months and they didn't do anything about it. The things they won't tell us, the things they are going to do in order to keep us compliant, it's scary. I've seen it happen before, and we like to believe they wouldn't do it to their own people. That they use these tactics for wars only... but they don't" she shrugs.

"Are you not scared anymore" I question.

"That's not it" she shakes her head. "I'm always scared. Not only of what I don't know but what I do. This virus... it's been wrecking havoc in Spain and China and France. We all saw it coming, we knew it was here and we did nothing to protect our people. We could have started looking for vaccines and better ways of testing months ago. Prepared our hospitals for aiding these people and stopping the spread.

But our hospitals are over flowing, we don't have enough ventilators to save thousands of lives, we have no plan for this all because people want to believe that we're the greatest country and we're better than this" she explains.

"Is this the real reason you don't want to serve anymore" I question cautiously.

"I love this country. I love the people in it. But once you're on the front lines and you're not in this country you're no longer the good guy, you're the bad guy. The nation means well... but there's too much happening in reality to follow blindly" she says.

"Is there anything we can do" I wonder.

"No, not really" she sighs. "I tried to convince people that we can be better, we can be so much better. We didn't have to liberate in order to help people. We don't have to invoke fear to make a change. But I'm afraid we're too far gone."

I just stand there and look at her. She was a proud veteran of this country who gave nearly a decade and a half of her life doing things we should never have to ask someone to do. And it broke her, her love for this country and what she did for this country is conflicting inside of her. I just wish that she can see what a hero she is and she shouldn't feel guilty for having these thoughts. She should be proud of what she has done and for still wanting to do better.

"You really don't like being locked up in here do you" I question.

"I've been locked up in enough places" she smirks. "It would be nice to get out for once."

"Why don't we go for a walk? I can show you around a little" I suggest.

"We can't go outside" she argues.

"No. We can't be in groups of people or go outside without a mask. They encourage going on walks" I remind her.

She just smiles as she nods her head. "A walk would be nice" she agrees.

So we grab our masks and head downstairs. It was scary dead outside but a few other people were walking around too. A few things were open like grocery stores and hospitals and other things that sells things like masks.

We walk step for step in silence at first. And not a uncomfortable silence or a silence like we don't know what to say. We've been hanging out for three weeks now and it's only gotten easier. She wasn't like what you would expect from someone of her caliber, she's open and she's healing even though it's hard. I just want to be a part of her life and I'm lucky enough she's let me in.

"I can't believe how many sky scrapers there are in this city. It never ends" she notices.

"It's pretty incredible, watching them build one of these things are so cool. Just when you think they're done they reach new limits" I say.

"That's the best way to live you know" she agrees.

"Yeah, it makes life easier for people like me who are constantly trying to do more. That's why sports is such a big things around here" I nod.

"Do you miss baseball" she asks.

"Like hell I do. We haven't played in a real game since September of last year. We had all just gotten used to being together again, we had just gotten to know each other and hang out. Now I feel like I don't know where we stand when it comes to baseball. Unlike everyone else we never started our season. We can't just jump back into things, we'll have to redo spring training and everything" I explain.

"Well if you love something, fight for it" she says and I smile. It worked pretty well for her I might just have to give it a try.