Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

Triggered

Anthony

As things start to fall into place the guys start to come into town which makes me excited. Quite a few of us were already in the city because, like me, they had hoped we would have been playing by now, or there was guys like Heyward and Rossy and Lester who live here in the off season too. And since none of our players have tested positive for covid we had the green light to start baseball activities. We were one of the few teams who had no cases as of active players and that said a lot about us. It doesn't take a lot to contract this virus and it spreads too easily, luckily we were all extremely cautious and it paid off.

And with baseball around the corner I wanted to spend more time with Jazz not knowing what the future holds for me. I truly believe that she will be here waiting for me to get back once I'm gone, but I don't really want to be gone in the first place. At least during a regular season she can come to games and watch or travel with me. She's literally not allowed to be around me for some time so that makes times like this when we are together that much better.

So I take Jazz out on the boat tonight to have a romantic dinner on the water. She got us some sushi and wine and I got the music. We take off into Lake Michigan until we can see the whole sky line. I drop anchor and join her as she sits there in her little red dress. I just admire her as she looks out over the water. Watching the sky line start to light up the city as the sun disappears.

I eventually join her and we dig into the delicious food she got. We have a wonderful night, just like every other night she was by my side, as we laugh as loud as we want without worrying about anything around us.

And the night was going to be perfect, it was supposed to be one of those nights that you never want to end.

But there is a sudden colorful flash in the sky and a loud bang ripples through the water as a firework bursts. I feel my heart drop as Jazz's smile runs away from her face like a Olympic athlete, she looked like she saw a ghost standing on top of the water where the firework shot off at. Before I can say anything another firework gets set off and she nearly jumps out of her skin. Her whole body goes heavy as she starts to curl up.

"Come here" I insist but she was frozen in her spot. She couldn't even blink as the tears come up in her eyes. So I move over and I pull her into my lap. I wrap my arms around her and try to block her ears in case they send off another one.

Another one goes off and I feel her start to tremble in my arms. I feel absolutely lost as to what to do. The Fourth of July was a week ago, I didn't think that this would be something we would have to deal with. If I knew I would have never brought us out here.

After a few moments the fireworks stop and the lake falls silent. I hear Jazz start to sniffle in my arms and my heart just broke. I could only imagine the kinds of memories that just triggered, the feelings she had locked away that was suddenly in her mind once again.

I just sit there and I don't say anything. I didn't know what to say even if I did want to talk. I just wanted to be there for her and help her figure things out.

Eventually her sniffles stop and she stops shaking so bad. Her grip on me loosens a little bit and I knew she was calming down again.

"Are you going to be okay" I ask carefully.

"I think so" she whispers.

"I'm so sorry" I start. "I wish I never brought you out here. If I could have stopped-"

"Anthony" she says interrupting me. She finally looks up with those glassy brown eyes and I wanted to disappear. "You can't put this on yourself. This is the reality, and I can't ask people to stop having fun and living their life in the off chance what they do might trigger me. This isn't their problem and it's not yours" she insists.

"You didn't ask for this, it's not yours either" I argue. "I get you have perks as a veteran and they gave you all this money to try and start a new life, but what did they do to help you? You gave up so many things you'll never see again. You put your life on the line then they send you home and tell you good luck trying to figure out how to make up for the last 13 years of your life? Like that actually helps with anything? What do they do to get all the awful things they made you do out of your head? Money might be their way of keeping you quiet about what really happens but it won't make the memories go away. How do they plan on helping the people who's scars we can't see? You can get cheaper movie tickets and flash passes at six flags but you can't get peace of mind. You can't get your innocence back. So tell me, how are they really protecting you" I ask her.

"They don't" she whispers.

"And that's my point baby. You deserve the world, but now you're afraid of it. Everything reminds you of all the shit you lost and you can't get back. The veterans agency is nice, and I love that they set you up here real nice. But their one job is to make sure veterans are able to see what all they were able to protect but then they leave you out in the waters like this.

I'm not saying they should stop people from setting off fireworks. I just... I wish they took care of the people who takes care of them" I sigh.

"I'm going to be okay" Jazz says as she cups my chin. I wanted to believe her, so bad I wanted to say "I know" and just walk away from this. But her voice was broken, her soul was broken too. She knows that once the money runs out and there's another veteran who did what she did and more then they'll forget about her. She could end up like other veterans on the side of the road asking for money.

They can forget what she did for her country, but she can't forget what she did for her country. And if there was a way to get her some help she should be there. But the VA wasn't going to pay for healthcare, just a nice place for her to live until they don't need her anymore. And it broke my heart to think they could forget what she's done, but it happens all the time.

"I'm not going to let you become a statistic" I insist.

"Through thick and thin" she promises.

"Through thick and thin" I smile.