Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

Back To The Old Grind

Anthony

It's the second week of May now and this month had some promising plans. Although phase two is nice and all, not much has changed. There's a few more places to go but I was nowhere close to getting my life back. Of course it wasn't nearly enough to feel free of this hold this virus had on us, but it was enough to give us hope that things will get better.

"Oh Anthony look! A rainbow" Jazmyn cheers as she points out of the window. I get up and come see what it was she was looking at.

"Oh wow, would you look at that" I laugh. "Haven't seen one of those in a while."

"It's been years since I've seen one" she claims.

"Are you serious" I gasp.

"Well, yeah. Think about it. A lot of our operations ran at night so it was more stealth like. Or we spend weeks hidden in a bunker or in a office planning out the next attack. There's many simple things I've missed while being consumed by the army. When you're supposed to be invisible to the world there's no way to see the world. Plus rain doesn't come a lot around the Middle East where I was stationed most of the time" she explains.

"So I guess you really haven't seen a rainbow in a while" I admit.

"Nope" she shakes her head.

"Well that's a pretty good one" I admit.

"That it is" she smirks.

After taking a bunch of pictures we head to the couch where we sit down. I rest my hand on Jazz's leg as we mindlessly watch some tv.

"I got a call back from the national guard here in Chicago" she says randomly and I freeze.

I mute the tv before slowly turning to her. "Jazz..." I trail off.

"I know I know. I said I wasn't going to get heavily involved again" she starts.

"You said you didn't want to do this kind of stuff anymore" I remind her.

"Not the fighting and the war. But I want to help still. Bring aid to this city and help it through these rough times" she continues.

"But how do you know this won't lead to something else again" I question.

"This keeps me here. I figured that would make you happy" she says softly.

"Don't get me wrong, I am more than excited that this keeps you around. I would do most anything to keep you by my side from now until forever. But not at the expense of your happiness. I know you tried to quit before but you got roped back in. I don't want you to get caught up in another war you have no business fighting in" I defend.

"Thank you for worrying about me" she smiles as she puts her hand in mine. "But the army national guard is a different kind of branch from the army. In the guard I'll be under the governors rule and won't go outside of the states borders unless it's some kind of national emergency. I can help with natural disasters or state emergencies, where I know I'll be helping people and not hurting them. The training is minimal compared to what I did for the army and right now they just want people to help regulate covid testing and handing out aid to essential workers and nurses" she says.

"And what if they ask you to go over seas? They could do that. Or if something bad happens here and you're right back where you didn't want to be" I question.

Her shoulders fall as she lets out a sigh. "I'm not sure, I haven't thought of that.

I just... when I was in the army I had a purpose. I was needed and although what I had to do broke me, it was nice to be needed. I felt like I was making a real difference and now I'm just" she trails off.

"Empty" I ask her.

"You know how I feel" she gasps.

"I do. That's how I feel without baseball" I admit.

"I guess you do know how I feel" she smirks. "But at least you'll get baseball back. You'll be wanted and needed once again and I'll be left alone with my thoughts."

"Your parents want and need you. Your brothers want and need you. I... I want and need you" I say softly.

Her eyes get a bit bigger as she stares right into my eyes. Her lips pull a bit tighter as her teeth start to show. "That means a lot to me Anthony. But I promise you I'm here. And part of the reason I came here was my ability to continue to be a part of something bigger than me. This is my best option" she insists.

"Your mind is made up huh" I ask.

"I'm afraid so" she nods.

I let out a sigh as I shake my head. "I don't like it, but I support you. Not that you need my support, it's your life and your choices and I know that. But I'm here for whatever you need. Just please, promise me that you'll be careful" I beg.

"I have to be. Who else will cook you food" she teases.

"Speaking of, what do you have in mind for dinner" I ask.

"Well I didn't work out today so nothing too heavy. Probably just a salad with fresh fruits and a little sandwich" she claims.

"If I loose much more weight I'm going to have to get new uniform pants" I tease.

"I can make you something else. I just went shopping and got plenty of food to make" she insists.

"You don't have to do that. I'm good with whatever you make" I assure her.

So she trots to the kitchen and I follow behind her like a puppy. I prop myself up on the counter and watch like always. I could defiantly make myself this dinner but it tastes better when she makes it. Always did.

So we head to the dining room and chow down on our food. We talk like we haven't spent the better part of the last month and some together almost every hour we've been awake. I basically leave her place late and come home to sleep just to wake up the next morning and come right back up here. It certainly felt like we were a thing, it looked like it too. But she was finding her way in this world again and I have to give her space and time to figure things out. And I have to believe that when the time is right we will be together.

"Are you excited to get out there again" I wonder as she smiles.

"I am. I know I'm signing myself up on a contract that is constantly changing. But I can't expect to live my life in this apartment not knowing what comes next. I'm tired of not knowing. I can finally make something of my life" she explains.

"Well I believe in you. And if you ever need anything in here for you and I'm right beside you" I promise.

"Good to know" she smiles.