Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

Baseball Girlfriend

Jazmyn

Anthony begins what they're calling the "summer camp" since spring training is long gone. Though he's been physically training this whole time he was excited to be on the field, glove in his hand and cleats on his feet.

And I have I things of my own to do. Now that I decided that I was staying I've been spreading my wings. I've been doing things that if I wasn't staying I wouldn't do, for instance, making friends and buying Illinois liscene plates and all that stuff. And I'm uncomfortable as I've ever been, thinking about a future in which I cannot avoid as I used to. Thinking about something that is permanent. For the longest time the only thing I knew for sure was pain, loss, war and hatred. And now I have the freedom to love, the freedom to think as I may and it's all so new to me.

I figured I should start by making some friends around here. That's hard enough being a ex army commander who hasn't been domesticated since she was in high school. But luckily for me this city is full of lost people like me. People who are just trying to find their way through life in the big city such as Chicago.

So I meet up with a few of the national guards people I made friends with in my short time here. Since I'm here to stay I might as well try to get comfortable. So we meet up some place outside for a nice meal and get a drink. We start to share stories and I remember why I stayed so long in the first place.

"So Jazz, are you planning on going back over seas ever again" my friend Lawrence asks me and I laugh dryly.

"Honestly hadn't planned on going back since 2017, but I kept going back anyway. They kept asking and I kept giving. I couldn't quite figure out how to tell them no" I admit.

"So if they asked you now" he questions.

I spin my straw around my martini as I let out a sigh. I shake my head as I look up again. "I would have to say no. I'm honorably discharged, so they can't make me fight again. And I do want to be a part of something big, but I want to be on the right side of history, you know? What's the point of being in the united states military when I've never fought here? I was in the war on terror but people here still didn't feel safe. I fought on the side of civil wars where in the end the US was just going to control them no matter the outcome. And Syria... it was the worst. So many civilians were caught between the firing and they never asked for a war.

I want to stay here, try and fix things I can actually have a hand in instead of fighting in something no one will win" I explain.

"Yeah, they don't tell these things when you sign up" Abby nods.

"Of course not. From a young age we're bred to think this country is the best. And in a lot of ways we are. We advance quicker than a lot of people, we produce athletes like no ones business and opportunities here are unlike any other place.

But to sit here and act like we don't have a lot of issues, I can't ignore it anymore. I'll always fight for the people of this country. For my family and my brothers and sisters. For my future. But none of that will happen out there, trying to solve everyone else's problems except my own.

I made my mind up and for the first time in 13 years I'm staying and I'm fighting for what's mine" I insist.

"I would too if I had a baseball playing boyfriend" Jenna teases and I laugh. You have to laugh.

"Yeah, I'm not sure if I'm baseball girlfriend material. I'm the one that usually leaves, not the one that gets left. I'm happy he's getting to do what he loves, I just hate that it takes him away. Any other season I can follow him around and come see him play. But I feel like I won't see him a lot, I'm not going to expose him to this disease just because I want to see him. I'm not going to be what jeopardizes this whole thing" I insist.

"Does he know you feel this way" Lawrence asks.

"Of course not" I scoff. "He already told me that he wants to give up everything and we would just run away together. But he doesn't see what I see, how this city is his. They adore him here, and this team worships the ground he walks on.

It's like in the army. Feelings are important but somethings are more important" I insist.

"I still think you should tell him" Lawrence insists. "You guys have a good relationship. That's hard to come by in any type of army, you know that. And communication is the rise and fall of any relationships. You can't get through this whole season silently dying a little bit inside every time he leaves not knowing where you stand when he comes back" he claims.

"I know" I sigh. "It's just hard. I was engaged to a guy before but he was a solider along side of me. I knew where he was at all times because I was always with him. And when I used to miss my family I would distract myself by thinking about the war. But that's gone now and there's just thoughts. Most of them good, but some of them are just awful. My anxiety gets so bad it consumes me. I don't know what to do" I whisper.

"Hey" Abby says as she rests her hand on my shoulder. "You're the strongest person I know. When I was little and said I wanted to be a army girl, I wanted to be just like you. And I hope that you let yourself enjoy life here, not being afraid of what happened or what will happen."

"Thanks Jen" I smile as I rest my hand on top of hers. I squeeze her tight as I give her all my thanks. I was lucky, I've made great friends in the little time I've been with the national guard. And I hope I'll have them always.

After lunch I head on back to the apartment. I go up and let myself in to see my boyfriend already right at home on the couch. He had some leftovers sitting on his chest as he shoveled them into his mouth.

"That's sexy" I tease as I startle him. But once he realizes he's just me he moves his food to the side and gets up. He runs right over to me before jumping in my arms.

"You're home" he cheers like a kid who's been waiting for his mom to come home.

"I'm here" I laugh as he hops down. He pulls me into a quick kiss and I already felt better.

"I can't believe I beat you home" he insists.

"I got caught up at lunch. I see these people all the time and we still find things to talk about. It's nice to know that there's someone out there besides you who wants me to stay" I tease.

"So what's the plans for tonight" he asks.

I stop and think about it, about what Lawrence had said. He was right, I need to talk to him about this. But I also didn't feel comfortable bringing up the idea that I won't be a good baseball girlfriend.

"Hello" Anthony asks as he waves his hand in front of my face.

"Sorry" I shake my head. "Why don't we do a little work out and watch some movies tonight" I smile.

"Sounds good to me" he nods.