Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

Forms Of Love

Jazmyn

Love can be a beautiful thing, and it can take many forms too. It's mental and physical and philosophical. Sometimes it's the little things, like a simple look that makes your heart beat faster or a touch that brings a sense of safety. Other times it's a bit bigger like a bouquet of roses or showing up at your significant others job to share a meal with them even though they only get 30 minutes for lunch. There's so many ways to tell a person I love you, and no one way is more important than the others. Any form of love is beautiful, and there's so many ways to say it.

But for some people, expressing love isn't all too easy. It's a foreign concept to them and it isn't as simple as just doing something. For me I always loved hard, but it didn't always come out they way I had planned. I always was told to keep things in and not show emotions, for emotions can be seen as a weakness. You want to be physically strong but mentally strong too.

I've only fallen in love twice before. Once with Mathew and once with Anthony. And while the two are almost completely different, I still feel the same. I feel all jittery inside when I think of him. I smile at the sound of his name. I can't wait to see him again every time he leaves and I know that the love is true. I know that no matter what form my love takes this man has all of it. And it's a great feeling knowing that, still believing in this love even though it's broken my heart once before.

I go down to Anthony's apartment late this July night and let myself in. He had baseball responsibilities today and I had national guard so this was the first time we've seen each other since breakfast this morning. And for people who haven't been dating for all that long it shouldn't be that big of a deal. But as two people who spent every waking hour together for two months, this is the longest we've ever been apart. And I couldn't wait to see him again.

"Where is this man" I mumble as I look around his place. The lights were off and it looked like he hadn't been home. But he texted me that he wanted to see me so I know he's here.

Suddenly I hear some music playing from his room and knew wherever the music was, he was there too. So I follow it to his room and find the door cracked open. There was a low light peaking through the crack as I raise my eyebrow. I let myself in again and find Anthony laying in his bed surrounded by rose pedals. There was candles everywhere providing the only light in the whole room. He sat there with the blankets over his waist and no shirt on. A rose between his teeth as he just smiles at me.

"Anthony... what in the hell is this" I chuckle.

"Are you not turned on" he questions through his clinches teeth.

"Never said that. I'm just, confused" I insist.

"I figured I could make tonight special..." he trails off.

"Baby, every night with you is special. You don't have to do all of this" I say as I walk over to the bed.

"I didn't" he questions making me smile.

"No" I shake my head. "But this is really cute" I admit.

"So it's working" he smiles.

"I think it is" I smirk.

He reaches over and grabs my arm before pulling me into bed with him. It wasn't long before I join him in undressing and climb under the sheets. My body pressed against his as my heart moves a mile a minute.

But something was eating at me. The same reason why we haven't gotten this far yet even though I was more than willing to show him my love this way.

"Baby wait" I gasp as I place my hand on his chest. I feel his heart beating so hard as I just hold him.

"What is it" he questions. "Are you on birth control? If not I can run to the bathroom and grab a condom."

"No, that's not it" I try.

"What is it then? You can tell me anything, I'm here for you " he promises as he tucks my hair behind my ear. I felt like I was going to throw up as I look into his eyes. They're so deep and I get really lost in them.

"I need to tell you something and it's not going to be easy. But I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you so I want to tell you now, in case this changes things" I explain.

He looks at me with a concerned look on his face, the most amount of concern I've seen with him. He sits up from his pillows and I sit up in front of him. "Whatever it is, we can get through it together" he insists as I shake my head.

"The damage is done. There's no undoing it" I insist.

"What is it baby" he begs.

"I was in a accident back when I was fighting, I mean I was in many accidents, but this was the worst one. I've been shot before and in car crashes, but nothing was as bad as the bombing in Uganda. I was trapped under the rubble for a while and I wasn't even sure I was going to make it out alive.

But I got pulled out and rushed to the nursing station where they were able to fix me up pretty good, but it didn't fix everything. I got to a real hospital back in the states and said that my Fallopian tube was crushed and it can't be undone" I say softly.

"So you can't conceive, can you" he asks.

"They said it would take a miracle for me to conceive. Both tubes are pretty messed up and I haven't had a period since meaning the eggs aren't going anywhere. They can't just be opened, the damage is done" I explain.

"We can figure this out" he promises.

"You still want to be with me" I ask as my eyes start to swell.

"Of course I do" he gasps almost offended. "I love you so much Jazzie, I want to be with you forever. And I don't know what this life holds for us but I know that it's not one worth living without you by my side" he claims.

"Don't you want kids" I question.

"I do. But I only want kids with you. I want a family and a future that I can look forward to. When I come home from games I can find you and the kids listening to music and making a late night snack. I want to dance with you in front of them and they tell their friends we're the reason they believe in love" he argues.

"Have you thought about this" I question.

"Sometimes it's all I can think about. A time where it's you and I taking on the world. I want a good life but you're what makes it good" he claims. "And what about you. Do you want kids" he wonders.

"I do. More than anything I want kids. I didn't want them while serving because I didn't want to leave them behind. But I'm 31 now and I'm not getting any younger. I'm ready for kids, I just feel bummed out because I can't have them on my own" I sigh.

"I promise you, we will figure out what's best for us. We don't have to have all the answers right now. I appreciate you being upfront and letting me know this is something that concerns you. We will do whatever it takes to be a family one day. As long as I have you I know I'll be okay" he promises.

"That was poetic" I tease.

"Maybe I was just trying to get you back in the mood" he smirks as he moves in closer. His lips softly press against my neck causing a small gasp to escape.

I lay back down and I pull him with me. His lips stay on my skin as they reach my lips again.