Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

More Than I Will Ever Be

Anthony

It's funny how everything in life can come together in one perfect moment. How something you were worried about for months can be over in the matter of seconds. How answers you thought you would never get are right in front of you. And they were right there the whole time.

While the world was in turmoil over a virus people didn't want to believe in, and filled with racism people refuse to acknowledge, there was now a public fight between the professional baseball players and the commissioner about how and when to hold games and I was trying to find my place in all of this. I still found some bit of happiness that I've never had before. That I thought I would never find in my lifetime.

And I found it in someone who lived right above me the whole time. I found meaning again in Jazz and I wasn't going to let the turmoil in my life affect our relationship. She means the world to me and I would be a damn fool to not show her that. This girl was the soul thing I rely on for every aspect in my life right now and she was finally mine. And I want to make sure she knew that I wasn't going to give up on her. We've already been through the toughest of times, we had the hard conversations and I fully believe that we will get through this together.

So after our workout today I wanted to take her on a date. Of course it's not like any normal date for a lot of places was still only doing take out and the zoo and other things remain closed until at least phase four. But we're lucky enough to live in one of the best cities in the world where it's not always about what is here but what you do with what's here.

"Where are we going" she asks as we walk around the city hand in hand. Living on Madison has its own perks, like being near just about everything.

"We're going to go up in the Willis tower and have a nice lunch planned" I claim.

"I didn't know they were open" she admits.

"Well, they're not" I start and she looks at me weird. "I might have to give a few shout outs and come visit a few more times but I pulled some strings and got us a reservation" I explain.

"Do you always get special treatments like this" she wonders.

"Here and there. But not for playing baseball or doing ads, but for what I do what the children's hospital. I've been able to raise millions of dollars for them and I match that with money of my own so people take notice of that just as much as what I do on the field. And I visit the kids and bring them to games every chance I had. Do whatever I need to see them smile.

And it's been awful, not being able to see them. I've talked to some of them on face time, you know that. And I have been doing virtual charity events but it's not enough. To be able to look them in their eyes and tell them that I am right there for them, it's just not the same" I sigh.

"When can you go back" she wonders as she moves in closer to me. She wraps her free hand around my arm that was holding her so the space between us was gone.

"I don't know" I sigh. "They're sick so letting outsiders in is a awful idea. Their parents aren't even allowed in there unless they quarantine and test negative for a few days. That's why I still want to fundraise, to help the kids' families stay with them when they need them most. And I hope someday soon I will be with them again, hearing the sweet sound that bell makes when someone rings it" I smile.

"I have a idea" she claims.

"You do" I ask.

"I can't promise anything, but I'm going to see if they will assign me to Luries as a part of the national guard. I can help them there and maybe even sneak you in" she says.

"Wait, seriously" I ask.

"Yeah. I'll get you a hazmat suit so you won't put the kids in danger. They might not recognize you but I can pull a few strings of my own" she smirks.

"See, you use your powers for good. And I use mine for-" I stop.

"For what" she asks.

"You'll see" I insist.

I take her up to the sky deck and I show her the world. She stands right up against the glass and looks out. I admire her for a second before joining her.

"You know, my favorite part of being in the army was riding in the planes. I loved the boats and the peace it gave me. There was just something about being above the chaos that brought me serenity. The planes had the best views" she claims.

"Actually that's me" I tease as she playfully shoved my side.

I reach in my pocket and pull out a little black necklace box. I let out a sigh as I look up at her. The smile set on her face no longer thinking about all the things that trouble her. Just the thoughts that a city like this can create.

I clear my throat and she turns back to me. Her eyes fall down to my hands as I fiddle with the necklace box.

"What's that" she wonders.

"It's a necklace, for you" I start.

"Me" she asks.

"Yeah you" I smile. I open up the box to show her what it was. Just two simple plates that mean through thick and thin. Jazz moves closer to me to see the necklace and I show it to her.

"They're beautiful. But why" she wonders.

"I know you don't like wearing your dog tags because they're loud and heavy and remind you of all the shit you had to go through. But I figured this is another symbol of strength and prosperity. It means through thick and thin and only the strongest of people can wear this. And that's you" I explain.

"I love it" she says softly as she looks up at me. 

I take the necklace out of the case and put it on her. She pulls her long blonde hair to the side as I secure it around her neck. She lets her hair go as she turns to me. "How does it look" she asks.

"It's perfect" I smile.

She grabs my face and pulls me into a long kiss. We knew no one was around so it really didn't matter how long the kisses was.

"I need to tell you something" I whisper on her lips.

"Anything" she promises.

"At the start of this quarantine I was so scared about my future, or the lack of a future I had. I didn't know what was going to happen at any given moment and I got lost. I'm the kind of guy who doesn't like to be trapped or held back. I like being a part of something and being stuck in that apartment, it scared the hell out of me. All the things that make me me, the hospital and my family and my friends and baseball, it was all gone. And what was left of me, I was afraid it wasn't enough for anyone.

But then you came into my life and showed me that I was still enough. You saw me for who I am without all those things I thought defined me and you decided that I was someone you wanted in your life. Even with all the troubles you know and all the things you still want to do you included me in the dreams you had. You opened up for the first time in a long time and showed me everything I needed to see to get through everything this year has shoved down my throat.

I fell in love with you, the way your eyes sparkle when you look out over the city, the way you constantly ask how I'm doing and if I'm happy. How you made me stronger both physically and mentally even though I'm less than ideal to work with at points. I love the way you make enough food for two people and hope than I'll join you for a meal. I love how you make me feel when you stare at me because you know there's more to me than I will ever say.

And I love you, everything about you. And I don't want you to ever think otherwise" I insist as I hold her close.

"I love you too, through thick and thin" she promises.

"Through think and thin" I smile.