Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

How Our Story Ends

Jazmyn

In life there is success and there is failure. A lot of times you can't have one without the other. And in the end it feels like there's always going to be more failure than there every will be success. I mean, unless you're Michael Jordan. But for most anyone else, especially those of us who can't win the titles back to back to back twice within a decade, the loses see to be more than the wins.

I know this better than anybody. I've lost more than games, I've lost friends, loved ones, innocence, time, everything that I'll never have back. I can win the war but it'll never be enough to make up for those kinds of battles you lose along the way. And there's no good way to get over them, no amount of time that makes it easier to process a loss. There's reminders of it everywhere you look and you can't seem to forget no matter how hard you try.

So when the Cubs lost out of the first round of the post season I knew Anthony wasn't going to be happy. Far from it. We all truly believed that this team was capable of a lot more. Their starting pitching was really good and Ian and Jason were really hot. I honestly thought they would at least get out of the wildcard round.

But as many things we want in life, this wasn't meant to be. There was something bigger and better on the horizon, but we can't see it yet. Only time will tell what waits for us on the other side.

I get a text from Kris telling me that Anthony was taking the loss really hard and that he could use a friend right now. So I head to Wrigley and wait by his car for him. Even though the season was over we still weren't supposed to be where the players were. So I wait and wait until he finally comes out. I can tell he had been crying, in real life he was such a softy. He might be a fearless leader but he's still human, and losing still sucks. Especially when no one was expecting them to not even win a game this post season.

"Come here" I say softly as I open my arms. He walks right into them and I hold him tight. He starts to sniffle and I knew he was trying his hardest to hold it together, but he couldn't do it. And he didn't need to around me.

"I'm so sad" he cries into my neck.

"It's okay to be sad baby. No one can tell you what or how to feel" I remind him.

"I wanted to do so much more. I thought I could be so much more" he sniffles.

"You're human Anthony. We're flawed beings and we aren't made to be perfect" I remind him.

"But what if it's the end? Kris and Jon, they're my two best friends on this team. In the whole world. I grew up with them, Jon is like my dad and Kris is like my brother. They've been with me since 2015 and I don't remember my life without them. This can't be the way things ends with them being here. This can't be how our story ends" he whimpers.

I feel my eyes start to swell because I knew too well what he was feeling. I know what it means to lose on a level that's so deep you will never be able to fill that void it leaves. And I hated that we don't know what's going to happen, who stays and who leaves. I know he had lost friends before, he tells me about guys like Jake Arrieta and Dexter Fowler all the time. But these two, they were his soul mates. The guys got the band back together with David being their manager and now it might be over after 62 short games.

"If there's one thing I know about writing a story is that it's not the end until it's the end. There's no reason you guys won't stay best friends forever. I mean Kris is starting his family and he wants you a part of it. That goes farther into life than baseball ever can. And Jon, he couldn't leave you alone if his life depended on it. You and him have a bond that will last throughout space and time. You guys don't have to play on the same team to be best friends you know. You've shown me that no matter where in the world we are your love for me is stronger than any distance and they know that too" I say softly. I carefully pick up his face and hold it in my hands. I dry his tears as he stares down at me.

"How are you so good at this" he sniffles making me chuckle.

"I've done it so many times before I kinda just know what to say to make it seem better. It doesn't work all the time, it took me months to get over losing Mathew, it took me weeks to get over losing one of my best friends, and I've fought something that I was never meant to win. From the start I was set up to lose, I just couldn't see it yet.

But you learn not to ignore the pain or push it to the side only to be repressed later, but to deal with it. Understand it and all it is trying to teach us before we can move on.

There's no wisdom without pain" I say softly.

"I'm sorry" he starts. "I shouldn't have asked you that."

"It's okay Anthony, acting like the pain isn't there doesn't make it go away. You and I both know this" I remind him.

"And what does" he wonders.

"Love" I smile.

He leans over and softly presses his lips to mine. It was a bit cool out here but I felt all warm inside as his fingers hold me tight. For a moment or so the pain he had was gone and mine was too. It was just him and I and that was enough for us.

"What do you need right now" I whisper on his lips. "Name it and we can do it. Whatever you need" I promise.

"Can we just go for a drive" he asks and I smile.

"Of course sweetie" I assure him.

I pull him into my car and we take off out of the city. We drive for a while before we come across a empty cornfield. I pull off to the side and turn the car off. We hop onto the hood of my car as we just stare off into space.

"Our problems seem so small out here" he admits.

"They are. It's just hard to see that in the moment" I insist.

"I would rather feel small, out here, with you, than to be big by myself" he claims.

I turn to him as he continues to stare at the sky, all the stars dancing around in his eyes.

"I know you would rather be playing still" I assure him.

"Yes. But now that I'm not playing I realize I don't have to be that big bad guy anymore. I can be tender and that would be okay because I have you. And you give me strength. You help put things into perspective and find peace in places like this that seems so dark. You help me find the light when my life seems so dark" he says as he turns to me.

"It's only because I love you so much" I insist.

"And for that I am so lucky" he smiles.