Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

Can't Lose You

Jazmyn

I stare at myself hard in the mirror as I let out a long sigh. Getting lost in my brown eyes that's seen all too much already. I shake my head as I see my uniform still fit perfectly, a little too perfectly if you ask me. I took off the army medals and awards and hung them up in my apartment because that wasn't who I was anymore. I was starting over by some people's standards so I don't need all of those things reminding me of what used to be. All of those things are not going to help me now. I'm wearing the same colors but for a different reason. This is my way of letting go of the past and moving on to the new future while still being a little comfortable in my old clothes.

But seeing myself in this uniform was something I didn't realize I wasn't really ready for. The last time I had this on I landed in O'Hare with nothing but a few things to start my life here in Chicago. I had no clue what was going to happen in the next few months that would lead me to here, standing in my apartment about to go fight a virus after fighting a war almost all my life.

"Jazz" Anthony calls out and I shake my head. The scary thoughts I had start to run away as thoughts of him enter.

"In my room" I yell back.

I hear the door open and Anthony comes in. He was still in his PJ's because it was pretty early. About 7 am. But there's no rest for the weary.

"Wow" he gasps and I turn to him. His tired eyes looking me up and down before she smiles. "You look amazing" he claims.

"Thanks" I blush. "It's been a little while but it still fits."

"You look stunning, honestly. Filled with both beauty and power.

You ready for this" he asks.

"As ready as I'll ever be" I sigh.

"Can you promise me something" he asks as he sits on the bed. He pats the spot next to him and I sit down.

"Promises aren't my thing" I try.

"Then promise you'll try" he begs.

"I can do that" I assure him.

He grabs my hand and moves it to his lap. He looks down at me as he sighs. "I want you to promise me that if you think you'll get pulled in too far or if they want you do something you don't want to do, you'll stand up for yourself? You've fought for everyone else and I don't want the only time you feel weak is when you're doing something for yourself" he says.

"Why is this so important to you" I question.

"Because, Jazz, I can't lose you. I couldn't tell you what we are or what we mean to each other. But I know for a fact that I can't bare the thought of you getting pulled away from here, from me. I've spent almost every day for the last two months getting to know you, the way you think and the way you feel. You're a part of me and I don't want to think about one day there being a day where I can't turn to you" he explains.

I stare into his eyes and I saw the most emotion I've ever seen in a mans eyes before. His eyes were dark but still sparkling as he opens up to me. His grip on my hands telling me he wasn't going to let me go. And it made feel safe. I haven't felt safe in a very long time, if ever. But he made me feel like all this stuff happened for a reason. And that reason was for him to be in my life when I need him most.

"I promise, I won't do anything I don't approve of. I know it's scary to think about getting dragged back in. I looked myself in the mirror and I saw someone I haven't seen in a long time. I barley recognized that girl.

But that's because I'm different and I'm not the same girl I was when I last wore this. And I won't be like her again. I promise I'm going to fight but I'm going to fight for what's right" I insist.

"Good" he insists as he wraps his arms around me. He pulls me into a side hug before placing his lips on my forehead softly. My whole body gets warm as I sit in his embrace. He wasn't making it any easier to leave.

But eventually it's time to go and I arrive at the United Center. They just dropped off a bunch of supplies that needs distributed and it was my job to help the people of this city. So I start to unbox some stuff for the hospital and help bring it in.

"Hey there" one of the very few other girls who was here working starts and I smile.

"Hi" I reply.

"What's your name" she wonders.

"It was Commander Thomas. But I'm the new kid here so Thomas will do" I smile.

"I kinda figured you were the girl everyone was talking about. You look like a army girl" she admits.

"Well thank you" I nod. "And What's your name?"

"Private Macy. But Macy works just fine" she insists.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Macy" I smile.

"You too" she agrees. "So what brings you out here?"

"I wanted away from the war but still want the opportunity to be more than I dreamed so I figured I give this a try" I shrug. "What about you?"

"My family is a military family but I'm not ready for the wars and stuff. I'm the baby of the family and I am not sold on being far away from them yet" she sighs.

"I get it" I nod, "I am the youngest of six and the only girl. My parents served but I was the only one of the kids who went on to serve too. They begged me to stay but I was insistent that I was going to make my country proud. Plus when my dad passed I found every excuse to stay away. Do what's right and save so many lives there if I couldn't do it here. But war is made to be more glorified than it ever could be. Don't feel bad for staying here because the people here need help too" I promise her.

"I guess so. I don't think I could get that fit anyway" she insists and I laugh.

"Working out is a passion of mine. I promise you don't have to be as crazy about working out as I am to be a good army solider" I insist.

"Well that's good to know" she nods.

We spend the day doing what most people wouldn't dare do in times like this. But knowing that you're making a difference and that you're helping the community is a great feeling. Something I once only got when there was a gun in my hand. But I haven't picked one up in months and I hope I won't have to ever again. Change comes not from the trigger end of the gun but the barrel end. I am no longer going to be the one pulling the trigger.