Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

Independenceless Independence Day

Jazmyn

The Fourth of July is a interesting holiday for me. Being a veteran it's my favorite holiday and I love to celebrate the parts of this country that is worth celebrating. But I also have a hard time with the fireworks and seeing all the flag stuff that sometimes triggers me. I was diagnosed with PTSD long before I was done serving but not much has been done about it since the diagnosis. In the army it's a way of life and you're expected to push though no matter what. Everyone has it at one point and there's no avoiding it, to the army there's no point in trying to stop it. Even after we're done serving they act like it's something we can just live with without any treatments. Something that goes away if I live in a nice place like this far from the troubles I knew.

Since I know how the Fourth of July is celebrated it's a little bit easier for me to be prepared. Knowing that there will be fireworks and flag themed things I can be mentally tough and I can get through it with little problems. It's when I don't see it coming I have some issues. But I feel confident in my ability to celebrate this holiday the best way I know how. And that's being with who I love most.

"Where are we going" I ask Anthony as we drive around in his car. The music plays lowly in the background as he keeps his eyes on the road.

"We're going to do something special for the fourth" he claims.

"Right. And what would that be, exactly" I try.

"Well I asked around for some ideas. I know you like the holiday since serving is something that runs in your family, but it's also hard for you to celebrate the way we traditionally do. So your mom suggested going to a museum where it's quiet but you can still pay respects to your brother and sisters you fought with and fought for" he explains.

In that moment I stopped and took what he said straight to heart. I think about how thoughtful he was and how he took my situation into consideration. We could have been with his friends setting off fireworks and playing loud music. But he went out of his way to see how I can still celebrate this holiday and not get over stimulated by it.

"Thank you" I say softly. He turns to me and smiles as he nods.

"Of course baby" he says as he places his hand on my thigh.

We drive for a little before we end up in the military museum in Chicago. We hop out and decide to just let our feet go. There was a lot to see around here with it being a national holiday and a lot of history being told in here. So we walk around hand in hand reading the different historical things and learning a things or two.

I end up enjoying this kind of celebration a lot, it was a nice change of pace than what I'm used to when it comes to the military. I was always over seas when it came to the Fourth of July and so I don't need the fireworks and the hot dogs and all that stuff in order for it to feel like it was really Independence Day. I celebrated the fourth for thirteen years doing what most people won't, I celebrated this country and it's independence everywhere but the United States. It was nice to be home for once and able to celebrate Independence Day the way I hoped it would be.

"Have you ever stop to think that some people can't celebrate their history in the way you and I can" I ask as I stop at the part of the exhibit talking about the Fourth of July and America's freedom from the British. The black and white soldiers fighting for the rights for some, and not for all. They just didn't know it yet.

"No, I guess I haven't" he admits.

"Well I've been thinking about it. The Fourth of July is freedom for white men, not for any women or people of color. We had the chance to build this nation into anything we wanted it to be, and it was decided from the start this place wouldn't be a even playing ground for everyone. The slaves weren't freed for over 70 years after we defeated the British and women even longer. The native Americans had every freedom taken away and was either converted or killed by a foreign disease. It took a whole another war for the slaves to see the fraction of freedom they ended up getting. And even when the laws changed the history didn't change. There's so many people in this country who will never really know freedom. Who can't celebrate their history the way you and I can. I feel bad going out and talking about what this nation did and not all the things we sacrificed to get here" I explain.

"Baby you can't take those kinds of things to heart. You're not the reason any of that happened, you shouldn't carry the weight of what our ancestors did" he insists.

"Then how do we ever expect to be better as a whole nation if we continue to say "that's not our problem"? It is our problem Anthony, your friends hurt, my friends hurt. I watched Mathew fight for a country that would never see him as a equal. That bothers me" I insist.

"I never said we shouldn't care. I'm just saying that there isn't much we can do about their history. We can start now and make a better future, but there's nothing we can do that changes how things are now. We can't change the way people were raised when things aren't being taught right and these awful things are being planted in these people's head. These awful behaviors are taught, all we can do is try and teach the right things going forward" he claims.

"Is that enough" I question. "I mean I look around at all this history and I know half of it is missing. We chose certain truths to omit to protect the egos of these old ass men. Refusing to admit that this country was built on lies and continues to grow that way" I say.

"I don't know what to tell you" he sighs. "I hear what you're saying, and you're right. You're absolutely right. But we might never really know the real truth. And that's something that we have to live with.

But you can change the history that's happening right now. Look around, you're a part of a movement that's changing the world. France, Germany, Canada, this isn't just America's movement but the world. And you're helping to fight the pandemic and trying to save people's lives. One day we will be celebrating people like you and the kids won't have to ask questions like you are because people like you will let the truth be known" he claims.

"Do you remember at the beginning of this year when world war three almost started" I ask.

"Shit... I forgot this year was already awful to start with" he mumbles.

"I thought I was going to be headed to Iran, again, and I don't know if I would have been able to fight there knowing what I know" I admit.

"Really" he asks.

"We killed a world leader. He was a awful man but we can't go around murdering people and expecting for everyone to be okay with it. We would have started a global brawl and there wouldn't be a end. Like the Vietnam war but so much worse. I wouldn't go fight for someone else but man, to think about how many times the US used the military to invoke fear in others, how many times we killed innocent people in order to kill the bad guys, it's countless. Look at what we did to Japan, how many innocent people perished for their governments flaws. We fight to keep this independence but force our ideas taking the independence away from others. We shoot first and ask questions later. When I started out I was doing good, but once I got to Syria I realized that all of this isn't what I thought it was" I sigh.

"I'm sorry baby, come here" he insists as he wraps his arms around me. I close my eyes and try to find peace in his grasp. "Lets hope we don't have another world war" he insists.

At this point I really wouldn't be surpised.