Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

Trust In Me

Jazmyn

As September rolls along things continue to move forward even though it feels like we've been stuck in March this whole time. Sports are back and places are pretty much open as long as you wear a mask. Illinois was starting to get back up there in covid cases but with the colleges starting and people traveling to see their kids at school I expected as much. We can't stay hidden away from this thing forever, I just don't like knowing so many have died along the way.

I go through the mail this foggy morning as I let my leg rest. Anthony was out doing baseball business and I was relaxing for once. After all the mail was sorted and I answer anything I might have missed on my phone I decide to take a bath. I add a bath bomb and light some candles and just chill for a little while.

After spending way too much time in the tub jamming out to some music and just letting the water relieve some stress it was time for me to dry off. Once I change and do my hair I check my phone again. I see a missed call from the National Guard and I let out a "I know how this is gonna go" sigh. There's really no rest for the wreary. So I call them back and see what they want a out of commission army solider to do right now.

"Is this General Thomas" they ask.

"Not General anymore, but this is Thomas" I say. I don't think I'll ever get rid of the General title at this point.

"Oh, I'm sorry. This is what your papers say" the man explains.

"What papers" I question. I haven't filled out any papers.

"You were mentioned by name to give natural disaster aid to the Pensacola area starting tomorrow. As you know a powerful hurricane is to make landfall early next week and we need someone to run operations and help give aid. When the Illinois guard was contacted they suggested you, top of the list" the guy explains.

I just shake my head as I try to make sense of all of this. "I can't walk very well" I remind him.

"We know. But there's still people who are in shelters who will need help. Handing out food and finding dry clothes and keeping the families together. Then you can lead forces on clean up and search and rescue from the boat or the helicopters. No one else has your resume when it comes to saving people so they wanted you first and foremost" he says.

I go silent for a while because deep down I knew action would call to me again. And I was hoping that I had the strength to say no, for the first time I wanted to stay and live my life for me, not for everyone else.

But I cannot cautiously watch the coast get hit and know that I am needed and not be there for them. It's not like I'm going over seas, there's no guns and bombs and tanks, but I'm not exactly going to be safe either. Especially with my limited assesibility and the fact that I'm still healing.

"How much time do I have to answer" I question.

"The hurricane makes landfall Monday morning, so I would need a answer by tonight and you will leave tomorrow" he explains.

"I have my mind made up, I just need to make sure I have everything that needs to be taken care of here taken care of before I can leave. But I can meet someone at the airport whenever you need me tomorrow and I'll be there" I assure him.

So we go over the details of what is expected of me and how I can make my biggest impact. The plane leaves at 7 am tomorrow to beat the storm and so I can get to the shelter before the rain comes. I hang up with him and try to face a impossible task... telling Anthony.

I'm not sure how he will react but I know he won't be happy. I told him this job will keep me here but Chicago doesn't get hurricanes, Florida does. Therefore I need to be where I'm needed. This isn't like all the other times I left, I'm a short flight away from being right back home once it's done. But these things can take weeks to clean up. Natural disasters are the hardest because you never really know what could happen. It's unpredictable and scary and powerful. Even more of a reason for me to be there.

I get up and cook because that's how I get my mind off of things. I can stand on my own and as long as I'm careful I can walk without the crutches. They're there for long walks or if I have to carry something because I can't bare extra weight quite yet. So I set them to the side and make a nice meal, the last nice meal I'll have for a while.

Anthony comes home around 11 and walks straight into the kitchen where I was. He presses a kiss to my cheek and tells me hi before jumping up on the counter like he always does.

I don't say anything as I keep my eyes on the food. I didn't even know how to tell him I was leaving and I didn't know when I was coming back.

"Alright, what's wrong" he accuses. "I know when you're keeping things from me. And I hate feeling like you think you can't talk to me. So talk to me" he begs.

"I don't know how to tell you this" I start. My voice in a whisper because I'm not really sure what to say. "But the guard has called me down to run operations for the relief effort for the hurricane. It's the strongest one we've seen since New Orleans and the guard asked for me specifically. They need me and I can't let them down" I try.

"Jazz" he sighs as I shake my head.

"I know what you're thinking" I defend.

"You can't possibly try and do this. You still have a hole in your leg! You are in no shape to be in the middle of a natural disaster" he argues.

"This isn't about me Anthony. Florida is your home too, and you know this hurricane is no joke. Those people need help right now and even though I'm down I'm not out. I can still help them" I try.

"And what if something happens, Huh? What then? What if the flood waters break in and you can't swim away? What if the winds knock you down and you can't get up? What if you get trapped somewhere and you can't get out? You can't keep putting your life in danger" he begs.

"It's my life Anthony, I can" I defend.

"You have done enough for these people. They're using you to do the hard work because they know how much you love to help people. But you need to help yourself first" he tries.

"I'm sorry but I'm going. That was already decided" I inform him.

I see his eyebrows furrow as he looks at me. "You made this decision without even talking to me first? Without actually thinking out what it is they're asking you to do" he accuses.

"I'm doing my job Anthony" I insist.

"Your life is more important than your job. You said you were done running into danger yet here you are, running right into danger" he scoffs.

"Are you mad at me" I question.

He lets off a harsh sigh as he shakes his head. His eyes closed as he tries to keep his composure. "I'm not mad" he tries.

"I can feel the tension Anthony, you're feeling something" I say.

"I'm not happy, if that's what you mean. I thought you had decided that you had enough reasons to stay. I thought I was a good enough reason to stay" he says softly.

I reach up and cup his cheek as his face gets warm. I know he was fighting off the tears as his eyes stay on the floor. "You are enough, Anthony. I will come back home, to you, and I'll be so happy that I did. But for now, I have to be where I'm needed most. I know the risks, I know that this probably isn't the best idea. But I need to do this" I promise him.

"I don't know if I can be apart from you for so long. Not knowing if you're okay or when I can see you again" he whispers.

"Hey look, you're a army boyfriend finally" I tease as he laughs dryly.

"Living the dream" he jokes.

"I'll call you every day and I'll write you too. If it gets bad and I can't handle it I'll come home. But until then I need you trust in me, trust in my strength and my knowledge to bring me back to you" I insist.

"I trust you" he promises.