Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

Could Have Stayed

Anthony

While Jazz getting shot in the leg has been less than ideal, it gave her lots of time to be with her family while they were in town since she's out of work for a little. If you ask her it's probably a little too much time together, but I think she needed this more than she knew. She hadn't seen her family in a long time and now she is kinda forced to see them since they couldn't go to the zoo or aquarium and stuff like that.

And it's been a fun time for me. She has a lot of nieces and nephews and I'm already a proud uncle to my brothers kids. But these ones were a lot louder and more impressionable than my niece and nephew.

"You can say it! Go cubs" I repeat to her niece Lauren as we sit at the park. The other kids play on the swings or in the water and I work on sending as many kids as I can back to Kentucky as Cubs fans.

"Go cubs" she finally repeats and I start to cheer.

"Yes" I yell making Jazz roll her eyes.

"Never gonna year the end of that one" she teases as I chuckle.

"You're just mad because she like Uncle Tony better than Aunt Jazz" I accuse.

"That's not true" the small child declares making me gasp.

"Thats my girl" Jazz smiles.

Lauren runs off with all the other little ones leaving Jazz and I with Nathan and his wife Heather. They had two kids, David and Travis, who was already at the park tearing the place apart. Even though her family is border line insane, they're the most fun I've seen in a family.

"Is your oldest son named after your dad" I ask Nathan as he smiles watching his kids play.

"Yeah, he is. My father was a wonderful man. I knew from the start I wanted a boy so I can give him my fathers name, give me a reason to remember him every day. We loved him so much, he just loved Jazz a little more than the rest" he smirks.

"Damn right" Jazz smiles.

"So you were a daddy's girl" I accuse.

"From the day I was born. Most men want sons to play sports or to bond with. My dad wanted a daughter and it took him six tries to get one. Lets just say he was done once he finally got me" she giggles.

"Well I think it was worth all the trying" I insist as she smiles up at me.

"You had cancer too, right" Nathan's wife Heather asks me.

"I did. I got diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma when I was just 18. I was in the middle of trying to make the Red Sox team, I thought it was just a slump that made my play so bad. But my buddies insisted I got myself checked out, just in case. They could have saved my life by catching that early. Lord knows I'm too stubborn to go get it checked out on my own" I shake my head.

"That's must have been so scary" Nathan insists.

"You never think it would happen to you, you know? You think "I'm too young" or "athletes don't deal with cancer." But then reality sets in that it doesn't matter who you are or what you do, it always seems to take away some amazing people. I mean look at Chadwick, he was a real life superhero who fought this thing for four years. No one knew, it's really a lonely feeling. You sit there and wonder why me? Did I do something to deserve this?

But you don't. No one deserves that. That's why I work with the children's hospital and help out with pediatric cancer. I look at Lauren and David and Travis and I know they deserve the world. But sometimes cancer sneaks in and it ruins everything. Kids who just want to play games with their friends now have to attend chemo, they can't go to school or hang out with anyone outside of their family because their immune system is destroyed by treatments.

What happened to me sucked, but it changed my life for the better. I found a meaning higher than this game I'm playing. I found empathy for others and a way to help them. I'm proud of what I've done as a player, but as a advocate for childhood cancer I'm much more proud" I insist.

"Dad would have loved you" Nathan claims and I smile big. That means the world to me.

"I agree" Jazz adds on. "I see a lot of him in you. You guys have the same eyes, so deep and filled with nothing but passion and love. He was big on looking out for each other, making sure his family will be going strong once he was gone. He wouldn't have ever let us know how much he hurt. But he hurt more than I ever had fighting overseas. He wouldn't tell me because I would have came home to be with him. I wish he would have though, I had to find out that he passed when I was over seas. I came back in time to see him go into the ground before I went right back to fighting. I was fighting because he couldn't anymore" she explains.

"He wouldn't have been mad if you stayed for a while" Nathan argues.

"He would have wanted me to stay. But I didn't want you guys to see how awful I handled the whole thing. I didn't want to hear another person tell me that I was his baby girl and that he loved me so much. I knew that. But he wasn't here to tell me these things and I was tired of other people telling me it. So I left" she explains.

It falls silent as we all look at her. It's not like her to just open up like this. To be honest she was harder to crack than steel. But when she wants, when she's ready, she will show you more to her than she ever thought she could.

"I didn't know that" Nathan admits.

"It's not your fault Nate. I thought I had to be strong, for him, for my family, for my battalion, for everyone" she claims.

"We could have helped you Kay" he says.

"You couldn't though. There's no helping someone who didn't want help. I would have just pushed you guys away and I wouldn't have anyone left" she claims.

"You did that anyway" he reminds her.

"I know" she sighs. "But I was able to get over his death far away from the things that reminded me of him. I was able to move on and fight in something I thought I could win. I'm no match for cancer, even if you beat it there's still so much to do once it's all over" she explains.

"We just want you to know you don't have to do it alone" he tries.

"He's right you know" I insist. "You can go anywhere in this world but your family is here. I am here. No matter what life throws at you, you don't have to do it alone" I promise.

"Well I know that know" she scoffs making her brother roll his eyes.

"Always late to the party" he assures.

"Guilty as charged" she smiles.