Through Thick and Thin (Anthony Rizzo)

The Losing Game

Anthony

At the end of July we have a few exhibition games to get into the swing of things and then it was off to the races. With only 60 games in the season it was a sprint this year, but I have a good feeling about this team. I feel like we have what it takes to be the best, even if everyone else doesn't think we can. Our destiny is in our hands and I was ready to face it head on.

What I wasn't ready for was to be away from the city, away from Jazmyn and this life I've come to know. Baseball is important to me but it's not the most important thing to me. I understand there's sacrifices we have to give to be able to play the game I love, and I'm giving up a lot. But I'm not giving up on Jazz.

So today we decide to walk around the city and enjoy the nice weather we were having. My parents were in town this weekend and for some crazy reason Jazz is scared they won't like her. I'm not sure what makes her think that because everyone loves her. She's a special kind of person and my parents are already planning the wedding. But it's natural to be nervous, no matter what I tell her she's going to be nervous. But I just know she's going to fit into my family perfectly.

"Anthony" Jazz says in her soft voice making me turn to her. I pull her in closer to me as we stop in the middle of the sidewalk.

"What is it Angel" I wonder as I softly cup her cheek while I hold her other hand in mine.

"What if we don't win this thing" she wonders and I look at her weird.

"What do you mean" I question.

"I mean what happens if this virus doesn't go away? If the riots don't stop? What if as a country we fail and we don't get out of this" she reiterates.

I stare into her big brown eyes as I let out a sigh. "I don't know what to tell you Jay. The world is in a bad place right now. I can feel it and I know you can too. But there isn't anything that is in our hands really. I mean we control parts of our future but a lot of it is still yet to be determined. I'm not sure there's a end to this. I mean racism has been around for hundreds of years and it's still here after all this time. Even in this crisis people are being evicted for not being able to work not being enough to make ends meet. Nature seems to be seeking revenge at this point and there isn't much we can do" I try.

She lets out a sigh as she shakes her head. "That's not good a good enough reason to throw in the towel" she argues.

"What can we do" I ask.

I see her eyes start to get watery as she looks at the ground. So I slowly pull her chin back up so she had to look at me. "There's more to this conversation than what you're saying. What is it" I question.

"When I was in Syria there was a little girl there. Her name was Celmira which means "brilliant one" in Arabic. She was incredibly smart, she spoke fluent English to help her family get aid from US soilders and she would put a lot of the American education system to shame. And she looked up to me, would follow me around when we brought food for the refugees and helped me take care of the other kids.

I loved her so much, I wanted to bring her back with me and let her chase her dreams of being a astronaut. She always said she would touch the stars, and I always believed she would. I told her there's so much space out there for her to be free, for her to explore and discover. I thought she would get there.

But she wanted to stay with her family, with her people. Their situation is awful, the civil war started back in 2011 and it's still going on now. There's been hundreds of thousands of deaths, most of them civilians who were caught in bombings. The US isn't even sending troops back there it's so bad. She knew it too, she knew her people was in serious need for help and would need a miracle to find a end to this.

She thought I was their savior. I came into town on my tank promising to protect them, to bring them aid and to help end the war. She believed in me, more than I ever could. And I tried to help, I did everything I could, but my best wasn't good enough.

It wasn't good enough to help her and her country, what am I supposed to do when it comes to me and mine then? What if this is like Syria where we're helpless? We can't bomb a virus, we can't massacre thousands of people to keep them quiet and no one notice. This isn't Syria, but I feel just as helpless here as I did there" she explains.

"Your heart is one of a kind" I tell her. "It's beautiful and big and strong, but it's vulnerable. And in a lot of ways that's a good thing. You leave it open and you do anything to feed that hunger your heart has for life. I wouldn't want to change anything about you.

I just want you to know that this life were in, it's broken. And there's no fixing it. I want... like hell I want to believe that we're in a good place in history right now. I want to believe that everything will be okay. That there's the other side to all of this and we can get there. But we've been given no reason to believe that this is possible.

What I do know is that my love for you is stronger than all of that shit. You are exactly what I need to find any kind of hope in such dark times. People like you and Celmira are the stars, lighting the way for people like me and the people in her city. The little bit of hope I do still have, I have in you. Not that you will save the world or fix these problems we're facing, but hope that you will make it all worth it" I say softly.

A smile starts to break through as she looks up at me. "That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me" she claims.

"And I meant every word of it" I promise her.

I pull her into a short kiss before she lets her fill smile shine through. And that was proof enough that we will make it through this. One way or another.