DISGUYSED

Valentines Day Dilemma

"I hate today." Drake said in annoyance, furrowing his brows angrily as he dug into his salad. "I really hate it." He added bitterly, stabbing a crouton with his plastic fork and pulverizing it into the table until it was only a small pile of dust.

"Settle down, killer," Alex whistled, inching away from Drake. "Put the plastic utensils down."

I laughed, hearing Paxton swallowing his water before saying, "Why do you hate it so much?" He ventured, cocking his head to the side.

Drake paused, looking around the wide eyed table in disbelief. He narrowed his eyes, squinting at us like we were all from another planet, "You mean you don't know what today is?" He asked us, dumbfounded.

We all shook our heads simultaneously, on the same beat like a metronome.

"February 14!" He said exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in the air.

Silence. We all waited for the catch.

He continued to stare at us in palpable disbelief. He sighed, "Valentines Day!"

We all paused awkwardly. I heard Alex's head hit the table and he muttered, "Damn it!"

After the silence had recited and everyone was quietly talking again, Paxton spoke out, "What's so bad about Valentine's Day?" Paxton asked; confused at why the 3 most perverted people I knew were upset about Valentine's Day.

Aaron gaped at me in disbelief, "My god, man! Don't you know how seriously horrible this day is?!" He shrieked in terror like he was a woman in an old horror movie.

"...Actually, no, I don't either." Paxton said, pausing. Actually, as I remembered it, February 14th was the first day I fell for Paxton. So yeah, it was a pretty good day for me as it turned out.

"Here," Parker said, enunciating slowly as if I were severely mentally handicapped, "I'm going to make this very clear. At a co-ed school, sure, Valentine's Day is all fun and games, but here...in the wild, you've got to be on your toes."

I furrowed my brows, "What do you mean?"

"On your toes means swift."

I scoffed, "I know what that means."

He threw his head back as he realized what I meant, "Ohh! You mean why!"

I snorted. "Yeah, kind of." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Should've just said so." He scoffed, rolling his eyes as if he should be the one who was exhausted, "Well, here, like I said, in the wild, there's kind of..." He looked around at Drake and Aaron for approval in disclosing this information, like it was a well-kept secret. Ironic, since they were the worst at keeping secrets. "Well, a tradition, dare I say."

"Is this tradition good or bad?" I said, a hint of suspense in my voice masked by my false bravado.

"Let's just say that there have been 300 pound, stone cold football players drove to tears because of it," Alex muttered, speaking up again. I ignored him as I'd been doing for the past few weeks.

"Well, what is it?"

They all paused and exchanged a look of sympathy for me.

I grimaced, "Well?" I slurred, curling my toes nervously inside my worn out converse.

Parker finally spoke up, shaking some blonde hair out of his eyes, "We call it the death walk." He said eerily, the whole lunch room aptly going quiet.

I pursed my lips. From the sounds of it, this didn't sound too good, "What is it?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Parker sighed, running a hand through his shaggy hair, "Well, it started 8 years ago when a really annoying senior kid named Kevin Cloidenbog got bored during Valentine's Day. Legend is his girlfriend broke up with him the day before and he was seriously pissed." He said, lowering his voice as if he were telling a ghost story, "So, he decided to play a prank on his roommate, Tim Yang. He knew that Tim's girlfriend's name was Su-Yin, so he left a note on Tim's bed saying 'meet me in the courtyard at 3:00. -Sue,' along with a red rose. So, naturally, Tim thought Sue was coming to visit him. At 3 that day, Tim went out in the courtyard, but Sue wasn't there. Instead, a girl who had a huge crush on Tim from another school downtown was there, with the same note and red rose in hand entitling that it was from Tim." He paused, watching my reaction intently, "All of the school was watching them. Tim had just about enough of it, and told her to leave. But she wouldn't budge. So, doing what he had to do, he grabbed her hand and led her throughout the whole campus and to the gates."