Intertwine

37.

"Should I continue or ....just give up?"

Allan didn't look at her; instead, he just nodded, she heaved in a sigh, turning her gaze away from him, it might be better off if she pretends he is not here. 

"Henry provided me with a scholarship opportunity, but I didn't take it, so whatever you heard was just a misunderstanding." she stated, still waiting for any reaction.

The air felt tense as none of them said anything, it was weird how at sometime they would literally not shut up, but right now they didn't have words to keep the conversation going. 

"But I didn't want to apologize for this." her voice lisped out, detaching with the flow of conversation, The male lifted his head up, 

"I'm sorry for not keeping my words and leave without giving you a chance and for putting all the blame on you..... I know that it might be a bit late , but -" 

She drew out the words, her lips almost felt cold, but she had to let this out. 

"But- I just wanted you to know that I missed you , and- that- I hurt myself more by hurting you."

The male kept glued on his spot, his gaze never leaving her face, he saw her flickering away, causing his face to harden in concentration, he noticed how her eyes were not still as she kept on blinking more than needed. 

Silence once again stood between the two, Allan tried to swallow the profanities within him.

"What happened with your finals?" he let out, out of many things that he wanted to say he chose the most insignificant one. 

"As if you haven't heard?" she spoke in what seemed like a sigh. 

"I wanted to hear it from you, what was the reason that -" he was cut off as the latter left an annoying breathe.

"I just -heard you requested me up for this, and at that time everything came all at once, my mind was filled with all those times when I felt that-- I wasn't good enough , and the realization made me feel pathetic -" she let out in one breathe, pausing in the middle sniffing a bit, waving her head to the left, absorbing the stinging of her eyes. 

"But I didn't Ella I-" he was interrupted once again, now by a voice which sounded powerless. 

"I knew that!" she said in a shaky tone making his eyes raise up. There were many things he didn't know but this was somewhat of a turning point. 

"Ted told me that." her skin felt heavy.

"So --it's okay if you want to shut me out, it's actually reasonable." the topics that she had locked in somewhere inside were dropping out one by one, and she didn't know if she should just let them out , or stop. 

"Even after knowing everything I still chose to grieve over my emotion not realizing that I was just transferring them on to someone else." she chose the first one, letting out the things unsaid. 

"-It's okay if you don't want to talk to me" her tears slipped out exposing her, she finally looked at him, finding his eyes already on hers.

"-It's okay if you would just ask me to leave." she took a step forward, reducing the gap between them.

"-It's okay if you'd push me away- but.. " she placed her hand around his waist.
"-at the same time -It's not okay!" her right side of cheek settled onto his chest.

"So don't push me away please." voice falling like a discarded cloak, as she closed her eyes, grasping her hold more tightly, as if he would just break apart from her hold.