I know his real name but like idk it feels weird to use especially because he was doxxed to have it out here. so I'm probably just gunna use schlatt
this is probably gunna be awful because we don't really have this typos stuff in England.
it was Halloween night and you thought it would be a great idea to go through a pumpkin patch but not alone you have your boyfriend who is very very very awful at directions. you guys didn't dresses up because it was below freezing tonight (legit it's cold af rn) but you did wrap yourselves in warm clothes schlatt wore his Yankee like always, with his timbs and some hoodie and sweats you wore a brown turtle neck and some docs that you got thrifting:
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It was a warm fit for a cold night. The car had the heating on full blast, you had some snacks on your bag: skittles, lollipops, Reece's, gummy worms ect however you still brought a candy apple because it's Halloween you have to. Schlatt paid for the tickets and you guys started walking into the pumpkin patch.
You- schlatt look how big this pumpkin is
Schlatt- it's massive why does anyone need a pumpkin that big?
You- I have no idea, imagine that in our house it probably would just for through the gate.
Schlatt- it's not fitting through the gate.
You- ya think? I think it would fit. Schlatt omg you have hahaha you have omg you have caramel in the chops here let me get it
Schlatt- no no I will not sink that low to let my girlfriend get caramel from my chops I got it.
You- your so weird I hope you know that. Ooo take a picture of me Infront the the fancy pumpkin statue its for Instagram please??
Schlatt- ok ok than we gotta keep walking it's getting cold out here and I left my jacket in the car?
You- I have a hoodie in my bag if you want it?
Schlatt- let me use my phone and I'll send you the pics I need a new phone background say cheesecake
You- no...
Schlatt- 3..2...1..
You- my boyfriend is an idiot and I'm sleeping with his dad Whoop did you take it?
Schlatt- yea I got it you dumb bitch
You- wait? You can have pink pumpkins?
Schlatt- well yea it's painted
Random man- there actually not painted we add chemicals when they are around three weeks old so they grow to be pink
You- oh I want one how much?
Man- well normally they cost $26 but for you mam $6
You- oh how kind, umm I don't know what to say thank you
Man- it's ok you gotta help out yano.
You- yea bye thanks so much btw
Schlatt- uhh duh?
You- he's just being kind schlatt,
Schlatt- I don't like random men being kind to my wife.
You- wife huh?
Schlatt- y/n I was waiting for the right time but will you marry me?
Guys, fuck man. I feel so shitty... Idk if I'm getting an eating disorder but it sure seems that way and no one's gunna believe me because I'm not skinny and
I was speaking to this girl, it was going well we've been talking for months like Jan? We've met a few times and today she goes oh I don't want to talk to you anymore, I don't want fat people in my space while I'm trying to be skinny and pretty....
First of all hoe, I am fat and pretty second of all I thought you were special 👉🏻🥺👈🏻
Idk I just have so much shit I need to rant about because my irl friends have abandoned me
