Taoist Master

Changes 1

She didn't need anyone to tell her how great a mistake she had made in keeping the baby to herself in order to move on from him.  If anyone should have understood where his heart truly was or what the affect of her decision would have on him, it was her, yet because of one small slip of the tongue, she had judged and condemned him so to be left crying in his wake was really no surprise.   And it took several long hours before she was able to actually sit down with her thoughts and reflect on exactly what he had said to her.  

In the beginning, he had forced her all the way.  Whether it was out of bed and to a debate, or to learning how to train her own horse, he had been there for her the entire way.  Initially, she had found him to be arrogant, condescending, too forceful and unbearable.  Yet over the past few months, she had not only found a great connection with him, but she actually fell in love.  The first time she had ever felt that elusive feeling she thought she would never feel.

And that love was what she was dwelling on the most.  From the very beginning, he had put in every effort to win her over, even going so far as to ensnare her people to help romance her.  But what really had her thinking on his feelings for her, was Di Juns interest in her.  It was where she saw the very worst in him erupt and only because he truly loved her.

Losing herself to her thoughts and his final words to her before he left, she found it much easier to recognize the many proofs of his love for her and Di Jun had been just one proof.  He was a high god, immensely treasured by the world because he held himself aloft and not through arrogance, but because that was just the kind of man he was.  Jealousy was not something one would expect to see from him, in fact, it was unthinkable so it came as a complete surprise.

For him to sink that low said that not only was he in love with her, but he was actually willing to allow himself to sink to a new low just to hold onto her.   And for a man like Mo Yuan, this not only placed him at Di Juns mercy seeing as the man could haul him in with just one word, but he gave no care what so ever for the ramifications to his position in the world if it meant keeping her for himself.

Which only highlighted his last words.  He had said that she didn't know him at all.  The thing is, she thought she had, only it had taken those words alone for her to finally begin thinking clearly.  From the first day, he had shown how much he cared about her, her people, her position and her rank.  And he did this by allowing her to remain anonymous.  He might have unintentionally given her away in the end, but his intentions and thoughtfulness for her choices were honest and considerate.

So he was right in his final assessment of her.  She was dishonest and hurtful in her actions towards him and she not only risked losing him good, but if she truly wanted him back, then she not only had to honestly face herself and her own demons which were never his to bear, but she had to think of a way to win him back.

Which wouldn't be easy.  She might be pregnant with his baby, but Mo Yuan would never marry a woman who was harmful to himself and those he cared about just to keep the family together, much less a woman who was deceitful and at the end of the day, that is exactly what she was.

Shaking her head, she knew this was a fact.  He would absolutely be there for his child and no doubt play an important role in his life, but as for her, he would never go back on his final decision once he had made it.  And her only saving grace was his final words.  If she wanted him back, then she had to give him one good reason to return to her.

It took the entire night to come to a conclusion.  When she had arrived in the Mortal Realm, she merely wanted a few days to sort her thoughts out.  Only her mind had allowed itself to run wild and create all manner of scenarios that at the time, seemed viable.  So she had made a final decision to remain, have the baby and then quietly return home while completely ignoring the final realms debate and maybe even the final.  Instead she was wanted to just return to her people, be their queen and move into a solitary life having known love but failed while giving him no chance to even know about the existence of his own child.