Wainwright Series 2: A Doll Not to be Replace

CHAPTER 25

KOHLEN

She wasn't lying when she warned me about her dancing. Magkaliwa ang mga paa nito, at hindi rin ito makatingin sa aking mga mata. Paulit-ulit din ito humihingi ng tawad sa tuwing naaapakan niya ang aking mga paa. I'm used to other ladies stepping on my foot while dancing. And one of them is my mother who is uncoordinated, too. Kaya ang pag-aalinlang nito ay wala para sa akin.

"Kohlen, I am embarrassing you! Let's stop," she pleaded desperately as she vigorously bite her lower lip. "I can't do it anymore, Kohlen... Tama na..."

I let go of her but cup her cheeks. I dip my head, pressing slightly on her forehead. I breathe calmly, letting her match with mine. "Trust me, Kheilanie. Trust us." I assure her again.

Her doubts are understandable. It reflects through her actions. But I also want her to know that I am someone she could trust with her fears and insecurities. That she is guarded and accepted with her flaws. "Relax, Kheilanie." Unti-unti na itong tumutugma sa paghinga ko. Ipinikit pa nito ang kaniyang mga mata at tumango. "I'm going to place back your arm on my shoulder and I'll place mine on your back. Are you with me?"

"Yes." I place her hand on my right shoulder and snake my right arm around her back. Ang isa kong kamay ay nakahawak pa rin sa kanang kamay niya.

The faint fragrance of daffodil reaches my nose. It calms me again as I stare into her closed eyes with a smile. "You have to look at your partner, Kheilanie. Open your eyes, please?" It took her time to look up. To stare into mine. I gladly reciprocate the gesture as I found myself lured into hers.

She kept silent and tightened her grip on my shoulder and hand. I smile at her playfully and nod.

We were holding on steadily through our second music. Little steps along the beats. I thought she is getting the hang on this, that she is allowing herself to flow with the rhythm. Subalit bumaba na naman ang mga mata nito, at naaapakan na niya ulit ang mga paa ko.

Hindi ko naman mukha ang paa ko? Wala rin itong mata para ituon ang tingin niya roon. "Kheilanie, I think—" I stop myself from speaking when I heard a soft sniff. "Kheilanie, why are you crying?" I pause to reach for her cheek again, but she avoided my touch.

"Kheilanie Wainwright? Hanggang ngayon ba ay hindi pa rin siya marunong sumayaw? Hahahaha!"

Pumintig ang tainga ko sa bulong-bulungan na malalapit sa amin. Is this the reason why she stop again? She was doing a good job!

"She is still the same Kheilanie from our Dance Class. Flimsy and uncordinated."

"Nakakahiya naman. Lumipas na ang ilang taon hindi pa rin siya marunong. At sa kasal pa ng kaniyang kapatid ay hindi niya pa rin magawang sumayaw ng maayos."

Bumungisngis ang mga ito. Napalingon ako, nakikita at samu't saring mga kalalakihan at kababaihan na kalapastanganang pinapahiya ang pangalan ni Kheilanie sa harapan ko at sa bagong kasal. Umigting ang apanga ko at hinagkan ko si Kheilanie.

"Nakita mo na ba si Khanarie kanina sa balcony? Ang galing pa rin niya."

"You're right. Nakita ko nga, e! She has it all!"

"True! Ayan kasing si Kheilanie ay hindi natuto sa kaniyang kambal. Hahaha. Paano niya kaya nagawang gayahin si Khanarie noong lumipas ang halos apat na tao?"

"Well, she was an actress. But you cannot imitate a diamond."

These people got some nerve speaking like that! Wala na ba silang hiya na bitawan ang mga salitang ito?! Hindi ba sila nahihiya sa paninira nila nang ibang tao?

Tangina! Masahol pa sila sa mga haka-hakang nalaman ko sa mga Wainwright. At tangina rin na naging kagaya ko ang mga ito.

"Malapit nang mag-give up 'yan. Tatakas na rin iyan, sinasabi ko na sa inyo."

"Kawawa naman ang kasayawan ni Kheilanie. Mukhang napilitan pa siyang isayaw ang prinsesa."

"Pusta ko na aalis na 'yang prinsipe. Maiiwan din siya mag-isa sa dance floor."

"Hahahaha! Panalo ka na diyan, pare!"

I have enough of this shit. I drop my hands and cup her cheeks again, tilting her face to face mine once more. I need her to see and listen to one person. To me.

"Kheilanie, you are doing well."

"I'm n-not..."

"You are." I gently brush away her tears with my thumb. "Believe me, Kheilanie. You were doing so well on our second song. Huwag mo pariringgan ang mga boses sa paligid natin dahil hindi nila nakikita ang effort mo na tulad ko."

She stare back at me. Eyes swollen from all of these trashes. "You are only saying that because you don't understand the humiliation I am facing," naiiling niyang pagsambit.

I take a quick sharp glance at everyone around us. "This is not about humiliation. It is your trust and confidence that counts."

"They are gossiping... They are everywhere!"

"But you  trust me, right?" I ask again. She nods as a response. "Then you have to open your eyes for us again, please?" Hindi siya umimik pero ramdam ko ang dahan-dahang paghinga niya ulit. Better. "Kheilanie, you have to set your eyes at your partner to have a better communication." Inangat niya ang tingin sa akin at napako ng tuluyan ang mata ko sa kaniya.

Her eyes are starting to sparkle. Despite the part when she cried. I can see little hope in there. I snake my arms around her waist and pull her closer. "In this position no one will accuse you, Kheilanie. It's an easy step. One, two. One, two... Sway once to the left, sway once to the right. You'll get this." I explain to her.

"Do we h-have to be this close?" She stammered.

"Yes. So, place your hand around my neck. It's easy."

Alanganin ito sa paghawak sa akin. Matiim akong naghintay na gawin nito kung saan siya komportable. Sa pagdapo ng palad niya sa leeg ko ay nakaramdam ako ng kuryente. Ngumiti na ulit ako dito at ginaya siya sa pagsayaw. It was an easy move to make her dance. And it was enough to keep her locked away from the judgment and nonsense opinions of others.

Tumigil ako saglit nang matapos ang pangatlong kanta ng sayaw namin. Tinitigan ko siya ng mas malalim. Dumako ang tingin ko sa labi niya.

I would love to press my lips on hers. I would love to learn I am the first to touch it. To feel the soft and indescribable feelings I have towards her.

Mukhang nakaramdam ito sa aking pagtingin. Umawang ang kaniyang mga labi at unti-unting pumikit. I was about to lean but a door burst loudly.

Lahat ay napatigil sa kani-kanilang ginagawa at bumaling ang tingin sa gawi ni Khanarie na padabog na umalis ng balkonahe. Mabilis siyang umalis ng resepsyon habang ang isang Codhille ang sumunod sa kaniya. Aligaga pa itong sunod-takbo sa heneral.

"Kohlen, magpapahinga muna ako."

Pagtingin ko kay Kheilanie ay nakayuko na ulit siya. The spark popped like a bubble. All of my effort to have this woman's focus is all gone.

Naiilang na ulit siya at iniwan na naman ako.

Tama bang magpaiwan ako?