Wainwright Series 2: A Doll Not to be Replace

CHAPTER 28

KHEILANIE

Hinatid ako ni Kohlen sa aking kwarto at iniwan din dahil kakausapin pa raw nito si Codhille. Nagpasalamat ako sa kaniya at sinara ko ang aking pinto.

Nagdedebate ang utak ko ngayon sa aking napagdesisyunang gawan ng damit si Kohlen. Hindi ako makapagdesisyon kung anong kulay na babagay kay Kohlen!?

I am torn between turquoise and navy blue.

"Ano na, Kheilanie? Sabi mo gagawin mo ang best mo!" 

I pulled my hair and crashed into my bed. I curl like a fetus and shut my eyes to think carefully.

Mga ilang minuto akong nanatiling ganito. Pagbukas ko nang aking mga mata ay nakita ko ang katatapos kong bagong bestida na ireregalo ko kay Ate Mora. Tinulak ko ang sarili papaupo sa kama. Nalipat ang aking tingin sa litrato naming buong pamilya na nasa tabi ng aking kama. 

I took a sharp breathe. "Believe in yourself, Kheilanie... He said he'll accept your creations!" I encourage myself and slap my palms on my cheeks. "I can do this!"

🪡

I busy myself the whole day. I created a prototype of the sketch I made for Kohlen's suit. I stick out my tongue and concentrate. My chest pounds along with the penetration of the needle on the sewing machine.

I can feel the happiness on the cloths as they cling to one another, and the designs are shimmering like magic. 

"Kheilanie~", may bumulong sa aking tainga at humarantado ang aking puso. Napatayo ako at tinigil ko ang aking pananahi. 

"Ate! Ano ba?! Nakakagulat ka!" Suway ko sa kaniya at sumulyap din sa aking tinahi. Hindi naman bumangking iyon, pero maling galaw ko rin ay maaaring ulitin ko ang prototype ko.

"Kumatok ako." Ngumuso siya at sinundot ang tagiliran ko. "Hindi ka kasi sumasagot kaya pinapasok ko na lang din ang sarili ko. I was worried. Malay ko ba kung trabaho nga ang ginagawa mo at hindi nakahandusay sa sahig?" 

Napalunok ako at umiling dito. "Hindi iyon mauulit. Pangako iyon."

"Of course. Kasi sasabunutan kita kung maulit iyon, Khei." She huffs and pokes me again. "That looks beautiful. I did not know your designs would become this revolutionary."

"It is a prototype. Not the final piece." Iling kong sagot sa kaniya.

"What color did you use?"

"Umm... it is turquoise," I answered shyly.

My sister's eyes sparked. "Fascinating! You outdone yourself this time, Khei."

"Thank you. But I think something is missing..."

"Oh, how come?" Napakapit ito sa magabilang balikat ko.

I look down from my sketch and the coat on my sewing machine. "I need to figure it out," I brush my fingers across the fabrics. I'm not sure what the missing piece is. Pero nakaka-frustrate at hindi ko malutusan iyon.

"But it is shining, Khei. Maybe the missing piece is not a piece of fabric. Not a piece of lace." Inabot ni Ate Mora ang kamay kong nakapatong sa telang tinahi ko. "What is missing is you. The freedom to let it be as it is. Because the beauty of it will be in the form of the person who is going to wear it."

A flash of Kohlen wearing my design come across my mind. He stands out in a crowd of simple and classic designs. But his shine does not mean his suit is different, it is because he knows how to carry my creation with pride and confidence. 

I turn to her and smile, "Tama ka, Ate Mora. Walang kulang dito kundi ang magsusuot dito." 

"So... Kanino 'yan?" Tanong nito na may tono ng pangangasar. Ngumisi ito at bumitaw sa akin.

My cheeks warmed and I bit on my lower lip. I want to proudly tell her my latest design is for Kohlen. Because the design is him. 

"Ate! Wala lang 'to!" Naiilang kong tawa sa kaniya. 

Nagtaas naman ito ng isang kilay. "Wala raw pero todo bigay effort diyan."

"Basta!"

"Hmm?" Tinaasan pa niya ako nang kilay, "Pansin ko pala, noong kasal namin ay ang ganda ng suot nila Codhille at Kohlen, gawa mo ba 'yon?" 

I nodded.

"Then that suit for our visitor, am I right?" 

Hindi na ako nakapagtago pa kay Ate Kimora. Inamin ko na sa kaniya ang totoo. 

🪡

Two days passed. Ate Kimora is about to leave us to walk further with her own life. 

Ang bigat pala sa pakiramdam na tuluyan nang wawalay sa amin si Ate Kimora. Ngunit masaya rin ako para sa kaniya, dahil sa wakas, nakita ko ang tunay na galak sa kaniyang mukha. After all her sacrifices for us: the care and love of a mother that she nurtured us, when Mamá was no longer with us, would give her the life she deserves... And I will not keep her away from that deserving fate. 

"Khei?" Pukaw nito sa aking atensyon.

"Po?"

"Take care of yourself and your sisters while I'm gone, Khei."

Pinunansan nito ang aking luha. "Oo naman. Ako din bahala sa kambal ko."

"Thank you. And Khei," we both pause, "Don't lose yourself, honey. Kahit anong mangyari, gawin mong piliin ang sarili." Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang pisngi ko at ngumiti. Parang nabiyak ang puso ko sa tinutukoy nito. "Be yourself, Kheilanie. You dictate who you must be."

Napalunok ako ng aking laway ang tumango dito. Bumitaw siya lumapit sa iba naming kapatid. Ako na ang pumunas sa sarili kong mga luha. Dito na rin magsisimula ang buhay kong patatakbuhin na mag-isa at pupunasan ang mga luha na mag-isa. 

Nakaramdam ako ng pares ng mga mata na nakatingin sa direksyon ko kaya nilingon ko ito. It was Kohlen. He mouthed if I was okay with his thumbs sticking up. I nodded back. A cheerful smile plastered on his face, and I couldn't look away from it. Napangiti na rin ako dito dahil nakakahawa ang kaniya.