✨It Doesn't Even Matter✨

Closing Out

Provo, Utah (Wednesday, August 26th) (8:30 AM) (Mariska's Perspective)
On Friday we'd be going back to NYC. I decided to savor these moments with my eldest daughter. The tranquility and the joy.
"I feel so weird about getting braces though!"
"I had braces when I was 13. They were pretty awkward and all but they gave me this beautiful smile. Trust me, it's worth it bug." I swung the swing back and forth slowly as we talked.
"Well, I guess you're right."
"How are you and Josh?" Allie let out a small giggle.
"We're really good. He's always so kind to me and I feel thankful. He's my companion."
"I'm glad that you're in such a healthy relationship. Initially, I was wary of the whole thing because I thought that you pursued your relationship with him  to show that you were okay and that you weren't afraid of boys, but I realized that you pursued this relationship because you really like him. He's perfect for you, he's accepting of who you are, he's always willing to talk to you, he knows how to calm you. He's a gentleman and I'm so happy for you Allie."
"Thank you, Mama." We shared a hug.
"I just want you to be happy, and I'm so glad that he does that for you."
***********
The Terrace (Central Park West, The Upper West Side) (10:30 AM) (Amaya's Perspective)
Considering I'm grounded and can't go anywhere, I decided to go out onto the terrace to write in my diary. I could "feel" like I'm outside while venting, I guess. Dad was at work, which was amazing, and it was just Anne and me.
Dear Diary,
I literally can't wait until Mom and Allie come home. I'm the only girl right now and it makes things so much more difficult. I can't vent to Andrew or August, and I certainly can't have 'girl talk' with my Dad. I kind of wish I didn't get grounded because now I literally can't hang out with any of the girls.

I sighed and put down the diary. I looked at the views of the Central Park Reservoir and the Upper East Side. You know, I wish I had a phone! Being grounded would be ten times better if I could text somebody. But Dad will probably never let me have a phone now.
"Amaya, your breakfast has been sitting on the table for two hours now."
"I'm not hungry," I said to my nanny.
"Amaya, you can't refuse to eat." She sat down next to me.
"Amaya, is something the matter?" She asked me.
"It's just, I feel like Daddy just doesn't try to understand me, and he just makes things worse."
"Makes things worse how?"
"Whenever I feel upset he just bombards me and doesn't give me space, it's like I'm choking! I'm going into middle school and he still treats me like a baby, like I can't have opinions or feelings! It isn't fair, Anne!" Anne rubbed my back understandingly.
"I understand how you feel."
"Really?"
"Yes, I was the youngest and only girl in my house. Not exactly same but similar." I nodded.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Just like you, I was getting ready to go into middle school. My friends were allowed to take the bus alone and go to the mall and one time they invited me to go."
"I think I know where this goes." We both laughed.
"I asked my Dad and he said no. It upset me because when my brothers were 11 they could do whatever they wanted. Yet, I couldn't. I yelled and screamed at my Dad and got grounded."
"Uh-oh."
"I know. I was mad for days until finally, I realized something."
"What is that?"
"That yelling wasn't the best way to communicate my feelings. I calmly told my Dad how I felt about the arrangement, and guess what?"
"What?"
"He let me go to the mall the next time. So maybe, talk to your Dad calmly and let him know how you feel, it might just help."
**************
Salt Lake City, Utah (A Cowboy's Dream Premiere) (Allison's Perspective)
"Smile! Over here, over here!" Gosh, they are so demanding! Mama and I decided to attend this movie premiere for the fun of it. We were out here, so why not go?
"Gosh, I forgot how demanding this whole thing was." I admitted to my mother.
"That's why I try to shield you guys from this, I know it isn't ideal."
"I just hope they don't ask any questions. Are you sure that nobody knows except family?"
"Yes, I'm sure! No one else knows. I promise." She said while caressing my shoulder. I feel safe when I'm with Mama.
Flashback
"I'm scared!" I had a really bad dream just now and I had wet the bed. I was confused, scared, and embarrassed.
"Hey, it's okay! As long as you're in this house, you're safe!" She gave me a hug and a kiss.
"It's okay, Allie! I'm here!"
"I feel better."
"Good. How about we go and clean off, you're uncomfortable in those wet clothes, aren't you?" I nodded.
"Let's go take a bath. I'll be there the entire time."
End Of Flashback
"Alright!" We finished up the photos and headed to the theater. It was stocked with a whole bunch of snacks and drinks, and there were some amazing guests.
"Ellen!" My Mom hugged Ellen Pompeo and they joked about something.
"Hello, Ms.Ellen!" I said while hugging her.
"You've gotten so tall! Allie, you don't have to call me Ms.Ellen! You can call me Aunty!" I giggled.
"Are you ready for 8th grade?"
"Yeah! I can't wait to go to high school!" I looked around the room.
"Where is Stella?" I asked.
"She's at the snack bar!"
"Oh! Do you guys mind if I go tell her hello?"
"Certainly not! She misses you! Go right ahead." I walked around the room to the bar, stopped to greet everyone I knew or noticed.
"Allie?!"
"Stellie!" I hugged her. I'm 2 years older than Stella but we're still pretty good friends!
"I've missed you so much! When are you coming to LA?"
"I'm not sure! Maybe during fall break! But how are you?!"
"I'm okay. Come, Zahara's here!" Oh, yeah I'm acquainted with quite a lot of celeb kids at this point. I forget names sometimes. On another note, I'm going to miss this entire trip! Mom and I got so much closer, I've opened up to her, I got an amazing therapist, and I learned methods to help me cope. This trip will always have a special place in my heart.
"I'm coming, Stella!"
**************
Mom & Dad's Office (Home) (Thursday, Aug. 27th) (3:45 PM) (Amaya's Perspective)
I decided to take Anne's advice. I was tired of being grounded and having to do so many chores. I just wanted to swim and hang out with my friends. Most of all, I just wanted things to go back to normal. By normal I mean Dad and I going out for ice cream dates with Andrew, him helping me put on lipgloss, and watching movies together with Allie. It'd never go back to being that way if we didn't talk. I knocked on the door slowly.
"Who is it?" He asked softly.
"It's Amaya. Is it okay if I come in?"
"Yes, come in." I opened the door to see him with a scatter of papers across his desk and his glasses sitting on his nose.
"Are you busy?"
"Kind of. Why?"
"I wanted to ask if I could talk to you."
"I'm free to talk. What's up, Amaya?" I sighed silently and sat down next to my Dad. This is so awkward.
"I'm sorry that I've been giving you tons of attitude lately, it's disrespectful and you didn't deserve it," I said honestly.
"I accept your apology."
"I know this doesn't justify anything but I acted that way because I felt like it was the only way you'd listen to me. I felt unheard by you and I thought that maybe if I acted differently you'd see how I felt."
"Amaya, I'm sorry that you feel unheard. I'd never want you to feel that way. What's wrong? You can tell me."
"Can I be really honest?"
"Yes, of course?"
"Sometimes, I feel like you struggle with me growing up. August grew up, and you were fine with it. Allie grew up, and you struggled with that too. Now, it's the same story with me. You get mad at me sometimes for doing normal 11-year-old things and it hurts my feelings. I also feel like when I get angry, you don't understand me and think it's hormones. I want to talk to you the way I always did, Dad. Why do you get angry at me so quickly?" My Dad sighed.
"Seeing you grow up is tremendously hard for me. You are my first daughter. I taught you how to ride a bike, taking you to father-daughter dances, father-daughter dates. So seeing you become into this amazingly articulate, witty, confident, and independent young lady is hard. I apologize for stifling you, and for not recognizing your needs and opinions. I think we need to work on a way to communicate with each other better."
"I agree. Arguing isn't cutting it." We both laughed.
"I'll make a deal with you. I'll hear you out and reason with you, as long as you approach me calmly and respectfully."
"I can work with that." Daddy hugged me and I gave him one back.
"I love you, Amaya."
"I love you even more." When my Dad let go I looked into his eyes.
"Can I go to Harper's house?"
"How did I know that you'd ask me that?"
***************
JFK International Airport (Friday, August 28th) (1:45 PM) (Mariska's Perspective)
"Mama, Allie!" Amaya ran up to us and gave us both a warm hug.
"I missed you guys so much!" I smiled at my sweet daughter and kissed her.
"We missed you too! Hey, when we get home I want to talk to you. Alright?" Her expression changed and she nodded quietly.
"Hey, Mom!" I hugged August and Andrew as they handed us some flowers.
"These daisies smell nice. Thanks, guys!" Allie said with a smile. And last but not least, Peter.
"I've missed you, babe. With you gone, I've realized that you really keep our household together."
"I missed you too." He looked at me with a sort of sparkle in his eyes.
"Guys let's go home and freshen up. I think we should go out to lunch."
"Can we get Japanese?!" Andrew asked. It soon became an argument over where we should go to eat. I missed this.

To be continued~