✨It Doesn't Even Matter✨

Saying Goodbye

It was just me and Josh walking toward my house. It was hard to hold everything back.
"I love you."
"I love you more." But what is love? How can an 11 year old understand love?
"I think I know what to do about us."
"What?"
"Maybe we should break up." I suggested.
"Break up?!"
"You deserve the chance to meet someone new. I'll be okay."
"You won't be okay, don't lie to me. We're not breaking up."
"How are we supposed to have a long distance relationship? Huh? Explain that to me." Tears fell from my eyes and I wiped them away.
"We can make this work."
"How?"
"Why are you being like this, who put all of this in your head?! I thought you wanted to stay together."
"You don't understand."
"What am I not understanding? What's going on? Is something bothering you?"
"I'm just worried, okay?"
"I get it, we can make this work. I promise."
"You promise?"
"I promise. Now let me get you home," We walked up the steps and we shared a hug and a kiss before ringing the doorbell.
"You're home, Joshua thanks for being such an amazing person to Allie." My Daddy gave him a gift and I smiled.
"Thank you so much."
"I wish you didn't have to go."
"I wish I didn't have to go either." Josh scratched his head and we both glanced at each other sadly. I ran into a hug and a tear slipped out. My Dad was watching us curiously.
"Bye. Text me and tell me when you get there. Okay?!"
"I will. Bye. I love you."
"Love you too." More tears slipped out as I saw him walk away. My dad gave me a hug and walked us inside.
"Let it all out. It's okay,"
"I don't want him to go."
"I know you don't. Breathe for me. Everything's gonna be alright, you hear me?"
"He was like the only person that really made me happy sometimes. You don't understand!" I ran upstairs to my room and Dad followed behind me.
"Of course I understand darling."
"You didn't want me to have a boyfriend so this must secretly be making you happy."
"Why would I want your source of happiness to move away. Even though I may be super protective of you, I've realized how happy he has made you. I'd never ever be like that. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
"How about we order food tonight, your choice."
"I don't feel like eating Daddy."
"What do you want to talk about?"
"I don't know because I feel like if I talk about him-" several tears fell down my face and I started to cry again.
"It's okay to cry."
"I have to be strong."
"Strong people cry." He gave me a kiss on my forehead and kept rubbing my back as I looked out of my window.
**********
First Day Of Summer
I decided that I wasn't going to sit around and cry. I needed to go outside, have fun, and do something! Which was exactly what I was going to do until:
"You guys are coming to work with me."
"I don't want to go, I'm going outside!"
"Allison, do not speak to me that way. Go eat your breakfast so we can go outside." I sighed and picked at my eggs. I just want to go outside and be alone and I have to go to work with my Mom.
"You're so unfair."
"Allison, I need you to relax before you stay home and get nothing today."
"I don't even want to go anyway." I went up to my room and closed my door. Everyone left the house and it was just me and my nanny. I didn't need anyone watching me, but I don't have control over that so I do.
"Allison, did you eat anything?"
"No, I'm not hungry. That breakfast wasn't all that."
"So it's that kind of day?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Emotional kind of day. How about we go outside and do something. I know you're hurting inside."
"Do what?"
"What do you want to do?"
"Go downtown."
"Alright, let's do that then."
"I don't deserve it but I guess so then."
*******
8th Ave
"Whenever I come down here I like to go to Jollibee. It's a Filipino fast food chain and I know you're like, how did I found out about this, no? I learned about it from Marie." Maria laughed as we walked inside.
"Interesting place. What's it like?"
"They have chicken and rice, burger steaks and rice, and chicken sandwiches. There are more choices in the Queens branch but, I'm not allowed to go over there."
"I see."
"Their gravy is super good so I'll get some for us." I ordered two chicken sandwich meals to stay with Maria's card and she found us a table. It felt amazing to be a regular person. No one knew about my famous parents and I could just relax.
"How do you feel about going on vacation with Chris?"
"Good, I like him. He's my favorite. Though I couldn't trust him immediately because he seemed scary to me, he's so cool."
"I hope that when you go on this trip, you'll get a chance to relax and have fun. I don't want you to be sad and mopey this summer."
"I don't want that for myself either."
"By the way, this food is amazing. This gravy is great."
"I told you so, it had this unique flavor. It tastes like ramen. Haven't had that in a while. I've mainly been cooking chicken and things for myself."
"You cooking? Oh my word."
"Why do you and Mom get so surprised whenever I say that. Ask Daddy! I can cook!" She laughed at me and I rolled my eyes.
"I kinda want more food. Im so fat."
"If you want more food you can totally go on that extremely long line and order it. With your own money."
"I guess I'll go do just that!"
***********
Allison's Bedroom (Mariska's Perspective)
I sat next to my daughter on her couch and looked at her.
"So, this morning got heated."
"Yep. Heated."
"It's my fault. I shouldn't have forced you to go to work with me. You're still sensitive, and it wasn't very considerate of your healing process."
"It's okay. I'm not that angry with you."
"It's better than being extremely angry. Am I right?"
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry about Joshua honey, I really am." I nodded and a tear fell from my face.
"Do you want to talk about it Allison?"
"I told myself that I wouldn't talk about it. Because if I talked about it I would cry, and I don't want to cry."
"Allie it's okay to cry, it's okay. Containing these emotions will only hurt you. Not help you my love."
"I want to hide these emotions. That's the point! I don't thing you understand how embarrassing it really is to go and talk to your Mom about personal things between you and your BF. It just isn't that simple Mama. It just isn't that simple." She stayed a second time with emphasis. I have her a hug and she stayed quiet.
"I'm not leaving here until you explain these feelings to me. I won't judge you. Not one bit."