✨It Doesn't Even Matter✨

Yes Or Yes

Everything feels like a daze. Me being adopted, me having a boyfriend, just literally everything. I don't know why I feel this way! I wondered if something was wrong with me, I wondered if I needed help. Was this phase just a part of getting older? It doesn't feel like it. I wanna talk to someone about this but who? I went downstairs and looked at my mom and my Aunt Ali. No, I don't want to talk to them.
"Allie, we're making cookies. Wanna join?"
"No thanks."
"Is everything alright? You look a bit sick. Come here." I walked over to my mom and she gave me a side hug.
"Is it your stomach?"
"No mama."
"What's wrong pumpkin?" My aunt said while putting the cookies in the oven.
"I don't know who to talk to about it. I just feel like, I dunno. It's just so weird!" I sat down and put my head down.
"You can talk to us about it. They sat at the nook with me and Mama handed me some chocolate.
"Everything feels like not real. I feel like this is a dream and it's driving me nuts. I feel like I'm secretly dead sometimes and I'm just a ghost walking around who you guys happen to notice. And then I sit over here and have all these crazy moods and you guys don't deserve it! Not one bit of it! I'm sorry about the way I reacted when I'm guys said we had to move. I'm sorry for my moods."
"Allie, Thank you for opening up. Can you look at me for a minute." I looked up at my mom and my aunt.
"Allie I think you're depressed. Allie, are you there?"
"Sorry. I feel so empty right now. I feel like my life has no purpose."
"Sweetie, your life does have a purpose. Don't say that."
"It doesn't."
*******
School is just another day to me now. I don't feel happy to go there. My grades are slowly dropping and my friends are getting more worried.
"I'm coming over today."
"Why?"
"You look like you need someone there. I'm not going to sit over here and let my friend drown into some sort of a depression."
"I'm fine."
"No you're not Allie! You're not fine. I'm tired of you saying that you're fine when you know you're not! And you just keep giving me little tiny pieces of the problem! I just want to help you. Let me help you, let your parents help you, let your therapist help you!" Joy had tears streaming down her face and she gave me a hug.
"Please take care of yourself. Try to do your work in class and keep your head up. I care about you Allie."
"Thanks. I appreciate it." I walked into my math class wanting it to be over before it started.
"Do you guys have the homework from yesterday?" There was homework?! I watched as she went to other people's desks and collected the homework. This is the third one I've missed.
"Allie?"
"I don't have it."
"See me after class Ms.Hermann." She said my last name wrong. The cringe. But, this isn't good! She might call my parents on me! I tried my hardest to pay attention in class and get my work done but it was hard.
"What's the answer?"
"I don't know."
"I'm guessing that because you've been staring off into space." The bell rung and I let everyone leave the room as I waited to be scolded.
"Allie, this is unlike you. You usually participate all the time and always have your homework. Is something going on at home?" Mom had told me about giving out info about my home life. I can't really do that unless the person is trusted by my parents.
"No. Nothings going on."
"I'm not buying it. You're getting a concerned phone call Allie. I didn't want to do it but you've left me no choice. Im calling your mother and father today."
"Yes miss." I left the room and bumped into Joshy.
"What's wrong?" He gave me a hug as I cried.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I'm not sure. I think I'm going to be in trouble. I just want to get away."
***
The Evening
I was too scared and embarrassed to go home. As soon as school got out I ran before Anne could catch me and took a train downtown. I had some money on me so I could at least buy some dinner. I was going to the one place that made me feel happy and warm inside. K-Town was that place.
"I want some food!" I found a Korean restaurant and went in. I decided to take some kimbap to go and walked outside. It was really cold outside so I needed to find somewhere to go.
"Are you lost?" A girl asked. She looked around my age.
"No, just trying to think of where to go next. It's freezing out here."
"I know a place. Come."
"Uhh, it's okay."
"I won't hurt you. I promise. We're just going right there."
"Do y-you p-promise?"
"Yes. What's wrong?" She said as we crossed the street.
"Everything." We sat in the little café and I ate some of my kimbap.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I'm not usually the one to talk about my feelings."
"Well, maybe if you trusted me you'd feel a bit comfortable. First off, what's your name?"
"Allison. But just call me Allie."
"My name's Jaquelene, but call my Jacky. And not with an ie but with a y. Haha."
"Funny. What are you doing all the way in K-Town?"
"I needed to get away from my house. My parents kept arguing and stuff."
"Oh. I hope for the best."
"Thanks, but what about you?"
"I didn't want to home because I felt embarrassed. People have been telling me that I look depressed and blah blah blah. I just wanted to get away. To be alone."
"What did you feel embarrassed about?"
"My teacher called my mom and dad. About how I haven't been getting my homework done. I never get phone calls home."
"Then maybe something is wrong. You seem like a good person."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Do you want me to call your parents it's-"
"No, please don't it'll- Just don't."
"Are your parents like rich or something? You know they'll find you either way."
"Well they are."
"I'm guessing they're famous. Okay, I'll give you the best evening of your life under one condition."
"What?"
"You tell me what's going on, and you go straight home to your parents afterwards."
"Deal."