✨It Doesn't Even Matter✨

Yes Or Yes Pt.2

Home (Mariska's Perspective)
"I rushed home as soon as you called."
"I couldn't find Allie when I went to the school! It was like she vanished! I'm so sorry I lost her."
"It's okay, this isn't your fault Anne. We need to focus now. Allie wouldn't go that far, where are her favorite places."
"She likes that sushi place. I think it's called Edamame Bean Sushi Shop." August said while playing with Kaia.
"Alright I'll go. You guys stay here and think of more places." Peter gave me a kiss and put on his coat, practically running outside.
"I knew she was depressed. I knew something wasn't right. I could've let her take a day off from school. I could've treated her to something." I broke down and fell into Anne's arms.
"This isn't your fault Mariska. No one saw this coming. We just need to pray that she's safe."
"She's okay, I can feel it. I'm just praying she didn't go too far."
****
On The Train (Allie's Perspective)
"Where are we going?" Jacky asked.
"86th. It's near my house."
"Haha. The Upper West Side."
"It's a bit hectic sometimes."
"Makes sense. Are we going shopping?"
"Yeah duh! I need a new phone case. Look at this ugly ole thing."
"It looks really nice though. I don't even have a phone case." She pulled out her bare iPhone. It was a 7.
"Do you want this case?"
"Really, you'd give me it?"
"Why not. I'm about to buy another anyways." I slid it off and handed it to her, then I put a Winnie the poo case on mines in the mean while.
"Did you literally just take one off to give me, then put on another?"
"Yeah. I always cary around a extra case."
"Is this one of those rich people things?"
"Nah, it's more of a me thing. My mom says I'm addicted, but I just think I'm smart."
"I think you're addicted." We both giggled as we neared 86th street. I looked down at the time and saw that it was after 7. I started to feel guilty but then Jacky looked at me and it all went away.
"Don't worry. You said 86th was near your house right? After we go shopping you can go home. But while we are shopping you gotta tell me what's up."
***
"And basically that's what happened. Can you please not tell anyone? I'm super serious."
"I won't I promise. Did you ever tell anyone?"
"Not yet."
"You should tell your parents. Well, your mom at least if anything."
"I don't want to." Jacky gave me a look.
"You have to. Or I'm not texting you later, I'm adding that as one of the conditions."
"Oh alright fine!" I smiled.
"Ouu, I see a smile."
"Staap. I'm blushing now."
"You get embarrassed so easily." She laughed as we left the store.
"It's really dark out here."
"I have a flashlight." She led me through as we walked the streets of the Upper West Side.
"Do you want to go home."
"I think I should. It's 9."
"You know your way home right?"
"Yeah. Come one let's go."
*****
Home (Mariska's Perspective)
"Where could she be? I think it's time to file a police report."
"We could still find her. It's dark. She has to come home at some point!" The doorbell rang and it all went quiet. All the kids were still and Anne looked up for the first time in an hour.
"Go open it Marish." I went over slowly and opened the door. My little girl was sitting out on the stairs looking across the street.
"Allie, you're here!" She didn't turn around but instead shifted to the left.
"Allie, please. We all feel bad enough." My daughter turned around and I gave her the biggest longest hug. I practically picked her up and put her inside.
"Allie!" Everyone else came up to give her a hug and a kiss.
"Don't ever scare us like that again! What were you thinking? Going out into the dark like that!"
"Peter. This isn't the time. Kids upstairs, use the elevator. Peter, you go upstairs too." Everyone moved quickly and quietly given the seriousness of the situation. When everyone was gone, I took Allie upstairs to her bedroom.
"You should go take a shower. Did you eat something?"
"Yes, I ate."
"Go shower." She went in quietly and she was into there for at least ten minutes. She came out in shorts and a tee.
"Sit down." I sat down on her bed and she was super quiet.
"Talk to me. What happened when you were outside?" Jacky told me to talk to my mom. I have to answer.
"I went downtown, to K-Town. I felt so embarrassed and sad. I thought maybe I should go somewhere that makes me feel warm and happy inside. So I went into a Korean Restaurant to get something to eat. I took it to go and I looked for somewhere to eat it. I met this girl named Jacky. And we did some stuff together."
"Like what?"
"We went shopping. I bought her some stuff. I gave her one of my phone cases. I thought maybe it'd make her feel better."
"Why didn't you come and talk to mom and dad? You didn't have to run away from everyone. We would've helped you."
"I felt ashamed okay. I already felt embarrassed telling you how dead I would feel. And I know my math teacher called you."
"She did. And I'm not upset with you about that. I understand that you're not doing the best right now."
"You're not?"
"I'm not. I promise. But I am upset with you running away. You can't do that Allie! We were worried sick about you. We thought, we thought maybe someone hurt you again!"
"Please don't cry mommy!" She wipes a tear from her face.
"Just tell me what's wrong. I just want to know why!"
"I'm depressed! I've been having flashbacks, along with feeling empty, and then I feel like a mess because of the p-word. That stupid thing. I don't wanna go through changes to become an adult! Aren't I already kind of like one considering that I was forced to do adult things as a freaking five year old! It's just messing me up! I don't know what to do okay? Therapy sucks, it doesn't help, and I don't want to go anymore. It's dumb. I don't want to talk to anyone about the same stupid stuff and have nothing come from it. Do you know what it feels like the just have the same problem lingering?! I just want this terrible nightmare to be over! Before I end it myself!" I cried heavily as my daughter let Of all of these emotions.
"I'm not going to let you kill your self. You're getting help. You're going to see someone as soon as possible. Do you hear me?"
"I don't wanna see people Mama! I'm tired of that! Don't you get it! I just want to end it all."
"We're not letting you do that." I had to physically restrain her because I knew she was going for that razor in the bathroom.
"You don't want to do that to yourself, you'll regret it. Trust me. You don't want to have to wake up everyday and see those scars on your hand. Reminding you of what you did! You need to stay strong for me, you need to stay strong for yourself!"
"It doesn't even matter!"