✨It Doesn't Even Matter✨

Repercussions

I turned on my phone. It instantly blew up.

17 missed calls from Aunt Ashley

10 missed calls from Audrey

25 missed calls from Mama

Mama: Allie, I don't know where you are but please answer the phone. We can talk about this. I'm so sorry that I hurt you even more honey. Please call me back.

I burst into tears. What am I doing? I'm so stupid. This isn't Mama's fault. This is my fault. I ruined this trip. I looked around. I don't even know where I am.

I managed to get away from the guy, but I'm not safe here.

"Mama, I'm really sorry. Don't send me away. Please. I won't run away ever again. I'm sorry Mama. I'm sorry."
*****************
Toronto, Canada (Peter's Perspective)
"Woah, what are you doing?"
"What do you mean? Isn't this what you-"
"I'm married." It was still for a moment.
"I think...you should leave." At that same moment, I got a text from Mariska. This is horrible timing.

M: Peter, please call me back
M: it's important.
M: It's Allie.

"Leave." I urged. When she was finally gone I called M back.
"What's happened?!? Is she hurt?"
"Allie ran away. We just got her location."
"She ran? In Grand Cayman?" Mariska explained the whole situation.
"Peter, I don't know what to do anymore, and I can't handle Allie alone. I can't. Do you know when you'll be able to come home?" I looked out of the window. This was all too much to take in.
"Peter?"
******************
The Ritz-Carlton (Grand Cayman) (Mariska's Perspective)
I sat outside waiting for Allie to finish showering. Today was...crazy to say the least. I thought of the last times Allie acted out like this.

"No! No! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME." Allie scratched Peter.
"Allison, you are not leaving this house. Trust me, running away is not going to solve anything."
"Yes, it will! Let go of me! Dad, Daddy! Dad, stop! Stop touching me!" I came downstairs.
"Allie..."
"She tried to run away again."
"Peter, let go." She finally stopped scratching and hitting and ran back into her bedroom.
"I HATE YOU GUYS! I WISH YOU'D JUST GO AWAY!" She cried.

"I'm done showering." She said quietly.
"Sit." I said.
"Allison, what happened today? Honestly?" She looked down at the floor.
"Allie, I'm speaking to you."
"I just got really upset, Mom." She said with a slight attitude.
"Please don't catch an attitude with me, I'm not arguing with you. I'm just trying to understand why. Why do we keep ending up here over and over again."
"I don't know why." She started tearing up.
"What you did today was unacceptable and you know that, Allie. Running away from me like that on an island like this, another country, knowing how famous we are was incredibly dangerous. You had us worried to death."
"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm really sorry."
"So then why do you do it time and time again sweetheart?"
"I don't know...." She burst into tears and I hugged her.
"I don't know why I do it. I just do."
"I think we need to see a psychiatrist. I think that's the next step, Allie."
"What?"
"We're going home tomorrow, I've made an appointment with a really good psychiatrist, and we're going to come up with a plan for you. This isn't healthy, Allie. Daddy's going to be there too."
"Mama, nothing's wrong with me. I'm not crazy."
"Nobody's saying that. Seeing a psychiatrist doesn't mean you're crazy. Being assessed will help, and medication, if that's what you need, alongside consistent therapy will help tremendously."
"You're just gonna send me away."
"Allie, we didn't send you away."
"Yes, you did. You put me on a plane and we were in Utah for weeks."
"But I leave you there, sending you away would be leaving you."
"Daddy and everyone else had the time of their lives without me there. You only stayed with me out of pity." Allie stormed off.
^^^^^^^^^^
Manhattan, NY (West Side Psychiatry)
Peter and I watched from behind a glass window as Allie underwent her psych exams.
"I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this anymore, I'm tired! Please can we be done?" Allie cried.
"I know that you're tired, but we just have a couple more tests to run, and then you can grab lunch and come back." I sighed.
"I feel horrible. She's so distressed in there." I said to Peter. He didn't respond. I looked up.
"P?"
"What? Sorry."
"Are you okay? You've been out of it since you got back here."
"I'm just worried about Allie." He said coldly. Allie's mental health impacts us all. Even Peter, who's usually calm and doesn't even appear to be stressed in these situations.
"Mr. and Mrs.Hermann?" Allie was standing next to the psychiatrist tearfully.
"We've given Allie a small dose of Ritalin as we suspect that she has ADHD, and we're testing its effectiveness on a short-term basis." Dr. Nottingham explained Allie's test results. To see how the medicine worked, we needed to be back in exactly 45 minutes so she could retest. Peter and I looked at each other, and then looked at Allie, who was listening to her music in a corner. ADHD. Never in a million years would we have assumed that. Allie was never hyperactive. We studied the pamphlet.
"We also have to finish analyzing her other tests, those results we should have in the next couple of days."
"Thank you so much. We'll be back soon. Allie?" We left the office and went around the corner for lunch.
"Daddy's gonna order, what do you want bug?" She didn't respond. She was still upset that we made her go through all those tests, she had every right to be. I don't blame her for being upset with us, but we were finally getting results...answers.
"Peter, just get her something with chicken. Come let's get a seat."
"Mama, please don't touch me." She muttered.
"Allie, you're allowed to feel tired and upset but-"
"You always just freaking ramble all the time and I'm tired of it. You don't care about how I feel, you just want to control my feelings so I could be a perfect little child. It's so annoying." She rushed off to the bathroom angrily. I don't know how to feel.
**********************
West Side Psych (Tuesday, Sept. 30th) (Allie's Perspective)
Today's the day. The day I find out everything that's wrong with me.
"Good afternoon." My parents shook hands with my psychiatrist.
"Allie, how are you." I didn't answer. I hate Dr.Walsh. She's the one that practically tortured me with all of those tests.
"Allie, please be-"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I cried. I shouldn't have run away. Now I'm on these stupid meds and probably going to be on a lot more, all because I got angry.
"Allie, why are you upset?"
"Because of you." I said frankly.
"Allie-"
"It's okay, she's allowed to be angry and express that, as long as she isn't hurting herself or others while doing so. Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Can you tell me about how you've been feeling on the medication?"
"Horrible."
"Can I get a little more than just horrible?" I rolled my eyes.
"Allie, I'm here to help you and I can't do that if you're not communicating with me."
"I just don't feel good." I crossed my arms.
"Okay, we could talk about it later. Right now, let's talk about the results of your tests." You mean torture. Mama and Daddy looked worried. Well more Mama than Daddy. Daddy's been weird lately, like he has something on his mind. Daddy's usually really attentive when it comes to this sort of thing. I stared out the window as my psychiatrist spoke. A lot of words came out of her mouth then.

"PTSD."
"Trauma."
"Abuse."
"Depression."
"Personality disorder."

I didn't want to listen to the conversation anymore. I didn't want to hear how...messed up I was.

I remember leaving though. Mama and Daddy were both quiet. It's weird that I know this, but I sort of wish I didn't. I feel like..something's wrong with me. Even though everyone says it's "okay" and it doesn't "change" who I am, it does. For me. Daddy started the car.

"Are you guys mad at me?" I asked quietly.
"What did you say, Allie?" Mama asked.
"Are you...mad at me?"
"Oh, honey." Daddy pulled over.
"Why would you say that?" I was silent. I shouldn't have even opened my mouth. Of course, they would hear me...this car is so quiet. I opened my mouth, then closed it again.
"Allie?" My eyes suddenly welled with tears, the tears came rolling, and then all of a sudden I was blubbering.
"All I do is create problems for you guys, ever since you adopted me. I hit, I scream, I push, I say mean things all the time, I run away, and I don't do anything but make your lives miserable. Because...as Dr. Walsh said, I'm not well. I have issues."
"Allison Maya.." Mama turned around.
"You don't deserve a daughter like me. You should've sent me back years ago."
"Don't say that. Allison, everyone has their fair share of challenges in life, you're not alone in this. There is no such thing as normal. You don't have issues."
"But I'm on meds. Not everyone's on meds, Dad!" I cried.
"Allie-"
"You're not listening to me! You guys always say the whole, it's okay to not be okay thing but it really isn't! It doesn't change the fact that I'll never be a regular person. I'll always have problems, something's wrong with me if I have to be on meds."
"Just because you're struggling doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved."
"We love you so much, and we're so lucky to have a sweet, funny, kind, and smart daughter like you."
"You're not a burden to us, Allie. You never will be."
*******************
Home (Mariska's Perspective)
"Mama, is Allie better now that she went to the doctor?" Amaya asked.
"Allie's working on it. Don't worry, okay?"
"You can't just tell me not to be worried about her, Mama." I finished wrapping Amaya's hair and kissed her.
"I know, Mymy...but I don't want you making yourself sick." I remember the last time Allie tried running away, Amaya was hysterical and inconsolable.
"I just want her to be happy for once."
"Me too. Hey, let's get ready for bed. Why don't you pick out a book to read, I'll come back and check in on you in a sec. I need to talk to Daddy quickly and check on Andy."
"Okay." I closed her bedroom door.
"Peter?" He was on the phone with someone.
"No, I'm not coming back on set...I'm not. Not until this is dealt with. W-What happened was...I know-" He let out a sigh.
"My wife doesn't even know about this, and it pains me. I feel like the worst husband ever, I don't even think she'd believe what happened if I told her-" What is he talking about?

"P, are you okay? What are you talking about?"

To be continued-