In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter CXI: Unnecessary Shield Charm

LUCY:

Once I was human again and I stopped screaming, I found myself incapacitated by pain. I couldn't help but whimper as I writhed around. Nobody would hear me. I was free to make as much noise as I wanted without having to worry about anything or anyone.

I screwed my eyes shut, letting out a hoarse yell as one of my writhing movements sent pain shooting up my neck. My hand flew up to try to massage away the massive knot, but I cried out again because I had forgotten that it was the hand Umbridge — well, that I at the direction of Umbridge — had shredded open. Unsurprisingly, it was bleeding again, but when I went to cradle it, I felt an unusual tension in my shoulder.

I opened my eyes slowly. On the floor, all around, were ropes. Ropes that had been bitten to strings.

I had never seen anything like that before. The room had never done anything like that before. It was always just cushioned. Nothing more, nothing less.

Then, a vision from the night flashed through my mind. A blur of ropes shooting up from the ground to stop me.

To stop me from what, though?

Another vision. The ropes pinning me to the ground, me whining in protest, struggling as hard as I could.

That must have been how I had injured my shoulder. I pushed myself up with the other arm and looked around. I must have twisted free in an awkward way.

Another vision. Me launching myself at the wall.

That was stupid. Was I trying to hurt myself?

Another vision. Lunging for my wrists — or, well, the part above my paws that corresponded to my human wrists — with teeth bared just before ropes clamped my snout shut so I couldn't bite myself.

Oh.

The realization made me dizzy, so I braced myself with my other arm for only half a second before my shoulder gave way again and I landed on the floor again. A soft whimper escaped me, then I lay still and stared at the ceiling, dazed by the pain running through me like a current.

Monster.

Monster.

Monster.

Monster.

Monster.

"I know!" I shouted to the whisper of the part of my soul that had always known the truth no matter how many times Cedric or Hermione or Fred or George or Harry or anyone tried to tell me otherwise.

I froze. Harry.

I pushed myself up again and looked around at all of the ropes.

If I'm this much of a danger to myself, I'm even more of a danger to him.

I shook my head to dispel the thought, then winced as my head started pounding more intensely in protest. I inhaled through my nose and pushed myself to my feet. I swayed, but the world steadied itself once I braced myself against the wall. I closed my eyes and inhaled again, but even breathing required monumental effort. I reached up — carefully — to drag my hand down my face, but the skin of my nose started stinging, and when I pulled my hand away, there was a stripe of blood across my palm.

Bloody hell. The ropes. I must have resisted so hard I cut my own nose open.

I sighed. I would have to try to get up to the dormitory before anyone else woke up and use some of the dittany-free healing cream I'd brought from home. I had already told Madam Pomfrey I didn't need a wideye potion since I was planning on sleeping all day Sunday, so she wouldn't be expecting me in the Hospital Wing — not that I would have wanted to go there, anyway. I didn't want to worry her... I also didn't need yet another reminder of Cedric's absence.