In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter LLXVI: Wait for Dawn

I used to know where the bottom was
Somewhere far under the ocean waves
Up on a ledge I was looking down
It was far enough to keep me safe
But the ground was cracked open
Threw me in the ocean
Cast me out away at sea
And the waves are still breaking
Now that I awaken
No one's left to answer me

My inside's out, my left is right
My upside's down, my black is white
I hold my breath, and close my eyes
And wait for dawn, but there's no light
Nothing makes sense anymore, anymore

"Nothing Makes Sense Anymore"
Mike Shinoda

LUCY:

The farewell feast was the first time I'd left Gryffindor tower since the funeral.

Hermione would bring me food that I was never able to finish. I would sit in silence with Harry while we watched Ron and Hermione play chess, both of us just trying not to think about anything other than the game in front of us. Ron was sure to hug me every morning when I came down once everyone was back from breakfast and again every evening when I went to bed before everyone left for dinner. The twins tried to make me laugh sometimes, and occasionally I was able to manage a smile. Ginny and Neville smuggled Luna up to the common room one day when Harry and Ron and Hermione went down to see Hagrid, the only time other than when I was asleep that Harry left my side, and I just sat in silence as Luna and Neville talked about creatures and plants respectively and Ginny braided and unbraided my hair.

I couldn't bring myself to be awake when the sky was anything but blue. The sunset reminded me too much of the last moments I got to spend with him. The stars reminded me too much of the nights that I had already spent by myself but with the knowledge that he'd be there in the morning, with the knowledge I'd never have again. But the sky, the blue sky, reminded me of my family, somewhere halfway across the world, blissfully unaware of the way my world had just been shattered... again. Somehow... the blue sky gave me the slightest glimmer of hope.

I didn't really want to go to the farewell feast, but Professor McGonagall was able to convince me the morning of. I had always liked her, of course, but she had never seemed so... human. She said she was sorry she hadn't gotten the chance to talk to me on Tuesday before it had gotten to be too much for me and that she was always just an owl away over the summer if I needed anything. Tears glistened in her eyes when she reminded me that Cedric was the most gifted Transfiguration student she'd ever had --- no offense to me, of course, but ash wands were among the best at Transfiguration, and it helped to possess natural talent beforehand --- and said that she understood how it felt to lose someone who had once been so foundational. She also reminded me that though attending the feast would surely be difficult, the first step was always the hardest.

"Life will unfortunately always have its difficulties," she said. "Some will be relatively trivial, while others will seem absolutely insurmountable. But what makes life so significant is that you have the choice to keep going, even when it seems that it would be best to give up. Once you make the decision to start moving forward, I think you will see that your path from here will become clearer with every step you take out of the darkness."

So, that evening, I didn't go to bed when everyone left. I walked into the Great Hall with my friends surrounding me and filled in the empty seat between George and Fred. My distress must have been written all over my face, because Harry's foot found mine under the table, and his eyes pulled me in like gravity.

"I know," he said softly. "I know. It's hard. But you did it."

"If you leave, Cub," George muttered, glancing around the room, "they'll just stare even more."