In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter CLXXXV: Dear Cedric,

June 21, 1996

Dear Cedric,
   I'm in love with your sister. Send help if you can.
   I know the last time I wrote you, I was talking about Cho and how I was planning to break up with her (I did) and what a mess that was, but this is the real deal. I'm in love with your sister. I'm in love with Lucy. I was such an idiot. I don't know what to do now. I can't do to her what I did to Cho.
   I don't think I will. If I even do anything at all, if she somehow feels the same way. I feel so differently about Lucy. Cho was great and all, I hope you don't take that the wrong way, but Lucy feels different. Lucy feels right in a way Cho never did. No offense to either of you.
   Truthfully, I'm not totally sure why I'm writing this at all. I was sleeping next to Lucy (NEXT TO, not WITH, don't worry) in the Room of Requirement when I suddenly got launched out of bed and thrown into a chair and pulled up to a desk to a piece of parchment with a date already written at the top and a quill next to it. I understand what the Room of Requirement thinks I need to do, of course, which is why I'm doing it, but... I don't know. I'll go back to sleep soon, I'm still exhausted. I would explain why, but the truth is that I don't even know where to begin. Everything that happened yesterday, everything that's happened even since I last wrote you, has been so much. Too much. But I lost someone just now. Lucy, too. And then as if that wasn't enough, we were possessed by Voldemort. Both of us. And then Dumbledore told me the truth about my relationship to Voldemort, and Lucy heard it, and then I showed her the memory of how you died so she knows the truth about that too. It was a lot. I'm glad she's still sleeping.
   She reached for me in her sleep. When I woke up (right before I got ejected from the bed), she was reaching across the bed for me. I think the Room of Requirement separated us before waking me up so I wouldn't wake her up by moving, but she was reaching for me. I've only ever seen the way she holds objects when she sleeps, usually a blanket or a jumper of some kind. I've never seen her reach for something, or someone. If you were here, really here, I'd ask you if she does that often. There's so much I wish I could ask you, so many more important questions, but I would ask that one too. There's so much I know about her, and even more that I want to know about her. She's the most brilliant person in the world, and I'm sure even if I had a lifetime to learn to love her, I would still find more to love every day. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I promise I'll love her through all of it no matter what, as best as I can, the same way you did. Well... not the SAME way you did. But you know what I mean.
   I hope you're happy wherever you are. We sure miss you down here.
   Sincerely, Harry

June 21, 1996

Dear Cedric,
   I'm in love with Harry. Send help if you can.
   To tell you the truth, he's in this same room. He's sound asleep, though. I don't know how the Room of Requirement managed to wake me up but not him, but I suppose that's for the best. He's had a rough couple of... days? Weeks? Months? Years? All of the above? In all fairness, though, we both have.
   I watched Harry's memory of your death. I know it was Peter Pettigrew.
   I was possessed by Voldemort. That was... I don't have words for that yet.
   I watched Sirius Black die. He was the person we were trying to save.
   I was tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange. Only for a couple of seconds, but I never want to be again.
   Hermione got hurt. Everyone got hurt, really, but she was hurt the worst and it's all my fault because we weren't talking.
   She hurt me. I didn't get to forgive her before she was hurt.
   Tuck got hurt. He'll be okay, but... everything is falling apart. Everyone is hurting, everyone is broken.
   I miss you so much.
   It's not all bad, I suppose. Once school is out, I get to spend the summer with Fred and George working in their new joke shop. Fred and George, joke shop owners. They left school, you know, in a big old blaze of fireworks. Ginny and I have been picking up the prank slack in their absence, making Umbridge's life a living hell as much as possible, but I really can't wait for summer.
   The only sad part about summer is not being able to see Harry. I understand now why Professor Dumbledore has to keep sending him back to the Dursleys, but it still makes me upset. Maybe we can steal him again this summer, even without the Weasleys' flying car.
   Oh wait, I started this letter by talking about Harry, didn't I? I suppose I should get back to that. Forgive me, I'm exhausted. Clearly. Anyway, yes, I am very much in love with Harry. I fancied him before, I told you that much, but now it means so much more. In a perfect world, I would never leave his side again. He would always be right there, where I could reach for him, where I could talk to him, where we could walk together in silence if we wanted, where we could do anything and everything we ever wanted together, knowing the other was safe and we would do anything and everything to keep it that way. I've never felt this way for anyone else. Sometimes it frightens me, but it exhilarates me all the more when it does. Even when we were in the Department of Mysteries (long story) experiencing what was quite possibly the most frightening life-or-death experience we've ever faced together, he was who I looked to for comfort. And when I looked to him for comfort, he was looking right back at me. Is that what love is? Looking for comfort in someone else and not only finding it, but finding that the other person is looking to you for the same?
   I don't know. I'm very tired, and I think I will go back to sleep now. Harry looks remarkably peaceful as he's sleeping. He's reaching for me, I think, even now. His arm is extending toward my side of the bed. It's sweet.
   I love you, Cedric. I miss you, Cedric. I love you, I miss you, I love you. I hope you're happy wherever you are. And... say hi to Sirius for us. We miss him too, already.
   Love always, Lucy