In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter CXXV: Dear Cedric,

September 30, 1995

Dear Cedric,

   I always miss you. Every moment of every day, I miss you. I've been missing you even more, somehow, as of late. I miss you so much I don't have room to do much else.

   I've been thinking a lot about water lately. I feel like I'm sinking, Ced. Worse than that, I feel like I'm drowning with no way of pulling myself up. I know what you'd say. You'd look at me, and cock your head a little, and say, "Well... who said you had to pull yourself up?" I know you'd try to convince me that I didn't have to save myself, that it was okay to admit I was struggling, that everyone would want to help. And I know that you'd be right, technically speaking, but, well... what if it's too late? What if by the time I decide to ask for help, I've been sinking for too long, I've gone too far down? What if someone drowned trying to save me? If I drown, I drown. But I'm terrified of bringing someone else down with me, especially knowing that person would most likely be Harry.

   I hope he's doing alright without me, he seemed really worried about me leaving. I was at St. Mungo's all day yesterday and all day again today. I barely got back in time for dinner, not that I was terribly hungry anyway. My magic has been... odd. It's not that it hasn't worked at all, it's that it only works part of the time and nobody can seem to find a reason why it works when it works and doesn't when it doesn't. I bet you would know if you were here. Sometimes I felt like you knew me better than I knew myself.

   I met Jabari by the way, and Sloane. They both miss you, so much. Everyone does.

   Oh, speaking of Sloane, she said something odd today, something about a procedure she's having done soon. St. Mungo's is sending an updated copy of my record to Madam Pomfrey in a week or two, so I want to look through for myself and see if my record has something like that on it. She said that the healers wouldn't tell her what it was. I vaguely remember something similar happening to me, but... oh, I don't know, you know how memories are for me. I wish you were here to help me figure it out.

   I should probably wrap this up, I'm sorry. It's late, and Sirius is going to talk with Harry and Ron and Hermione soon, and I'm going to be nearby just in case they want to see me. Merlin, I would give just about anything for one more conversation with you, Ced. I miss you more than words can properly express. I feel like I know what you'd say, or at least part of it. But at the same time... I wish I could hear you say it anyway.

   I love you. I miss you. But I love you even more than I miss you, no matter how much I miss you. I promise.

   Love always, Lucy