In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter CLIX: Are You Ready For It?

In the middle of the night, in my dreams
I know I'm gonna be with you
So I take my time

~

LUCY:

"Have you fed Buckbeak yet, Sirius?" I asked, glancing between the twins and their coffee mugs. "They're both looking at me like they're plotting something, and I don't want to be around when the caffeine kicks in and they decide to follow through on whatever it is."

"I haven't fed him," Sirius replied, "and I do want to be around for that, so knock yourself out, kid."

Harry jumped to his feet and pulled me up with him. "If they're plotting, I'm in danger too. I'm going with you."

We hurried silently all the way up to Buckbeak's room and shut the door behind us.

I shot Harry a knowing look, since he looked like he was fit to burst. "Twenty questions?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "Are you feeling better?"

"Definitely." I sighed and reached for a feed bag, tossing Buckbeak a pellet that he snatched from the air with surprising agility. "Yesterday was a lot, and it just kept getting worse."

"That boggart was..."

"The last thing I needed?"

"Yeah. Definitely."

I held the bag out to him. "Do you want to toss Buckbeak a pellet?"

"Does that count as a question?"

"Well, well, well, my turn again," I said with a cheeky grin.

Harry sighed good-naturedly as he reached into the bag and launched a pellet Buckbeak's way. "I really need to work on that."

"Yes, yes you do. How are you feeling after seeing Lockhart again?"

"He's still a git. A bit more pitiful, maybe, but still a git. But how are you? I know we talked about it a little bit in the stairwell, but you were... ah..."

"A bit out of it," I finished with a smile. My smile faltered immediately. "I don't feel great about all of that."

"Can't imagine you would." Harry tossed Buckbeak another pellet. "We can pause the game if you want to talk about it."

I gnawed on my lip for a moment, considering it. I just wanted to forget it had happened at all, which was ironic considering the role forgetting had played in my life. Forgetting my family had sent my life in a wildly different trajectory, so there I was in London. Wearing one of Ginny's Holyhead Harpies jumpers because wearing a Montrose Magpies one would have reminded me too much of Cedric, half a world away or more from my true family who had no idea Quidditch even existed. Tossing food pellets to the hippogriff saved by time travel with my best friend, the Boy Who Lived of wizarding legend. I tried not to think about it, ever. There were too many questions I knew I couldn't answer. If I started thinking too long or too hard about any of it, I would spiral with no real way of fighting my way out of it.

"You know, when it all first happened, I had an odd feeling about everything," I said. "I thought it was just because I hit my head, but looking back, I think seeing the Memory Charm and the look on Lockhart's face started stirring something up, really deep in my subconscious."

"Oh, right, you didn't know until third year, with the dementors."

I nodded. "I guess now I'm just curious about how I, well, figured it all out, but there's no one to ask. Not that I'm incredibly curious anyway, but..." I tossed Buckbeak another pellet and swallowed hard. "My boggart changed last night."